The List
I'm not a bad kid. I'm far from it. I have all A's and a squeaky clean record. Then why am I standing here getting yelled at by my mother? It's not like I got suspended or detention. I just got a B.
"What would Jamie say? Her daughter never gets below 100 on anything."
Its always Jamie this and Jamie that. She cares about nothing except what the girls at her country club think. I'm sitting here getting berated and trying to keep calm. At some point, it gets to be too much.
I'm teetering on the edge of exploding. I do everything I can to please her and it's not enough. She gets to stand here and act like she's a perfect mother. Every single word hits me like a bullet.
"I swear you can't do anything right. It's not that fucking hard to just get good grades."
Strike one. I'm trying my best to hold it together. I feel tears well in my eyes but I wipe them away.
"When I was your age I had perfect scores."
Strike two. I can feel the anger rising in my chest, my face is flushing and I'm about to topple over the edge.
"I wish I didn't have a daughter. What's the point If shes gonna disappoint."
Strike three. I explode, running up to my room shoving her on the way to the stairs. I slam the door like I'm a child having a tantrum. I throw myself on my bed and finally let myself cry, my emotions matching the black walls of my bedroom. I know my mother's wine drunk but I cant help but be hurt by her words. I'm trying my hardest to make her happy.
I lie on the bed, the emotions flowing out of my tear ducts and soaking the bed. I calm down enough to think about what happened. I know my dad wouldn't do this shit to me. But he isn't here right now.
I take a few tissues out of the box on my nightstand and use them to clean myself up. I sit on the edge of my bed to think a bit more. I stare at everything I have. I have so much but it doesn't satisfy me. I'd give it all up for my parents to be proud of me. I slowly sink into my bed, lying down and burrito rolling myself in my blanket. I turn on my comfort show- Jessie -and cuddle my teddy bear.
I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know, I'm awake. I check my phone and it's 3:00 AM. I get up, pushing off the blanket that's less of a burrito and more of a tortilla at this point. I walk over to my desk and turn to lamp on. I open my laptop and log in. I immediately navigate to my favorite studying website and start making flash cards. I'm going to redo my test.
As I sit there, staring at my blank flashcard, I realize something.
My life is boring. I'm a senior this year and it's my first week here. I have a chance to start a new life. I can get good grades and be a normal kid. I wanna party, drink, smoke, have fun. I feel like I wasted these past 3 years.
That's when I resolve to make this year the best year I can make it.
I open my drawer and pull out a blank sheet of paper. I title it "high school bucket list" I start to think. What are my goals? The ideas just start flowing out and I write them all down.
1. Try alchohol
2. Take 2 shots
3. Smoke one blunt
4. Kiss someone
5. Go to a party
6. Start doing my makeup and hair
7. Dress how I want to dress
8. Lose my virginity
This is it, this is where my life begins.
AUTHORS NOTE!
Thank you so much for reading the first chapter of my first book! I would appreciate if you left comments and gave your feedback! I'm new to writing and this book is an idea I've had for a while. I would love if you came on this journey with me.
Kisses,
Tay
