Idol Hands

Taek

“Sir,” The salt-and-pepper hair of our steward, Woo-bin, appears in front of me. “It’s been a year-and-half, she’s been quiet.”

Rion sighs as he walks in, shoving his hands into his pockets. “She might have threatened us, but she’s not stupid, so who cares.”

“I liked her,” Seungmin puts his phone down. “She was cute.”

“You only thought she was cute when she was strung up and begging.” Rion rolls his eyes, sitting down hard in a recliner. “Cute isn’t enough, she lasted six months.”

“Thank you, Woo-bin,” I nod and he leaves the room, closing the door behind him. “What do you suggest, Rion?”

“The U.S. tour starts tomorrow, let’s pick someone new.” He claps his hands together. “Let Woo-bin do it, he knows who we like.”

Being in a boyband is supposed to be hard. Turns out, staying human in one is harder.

Rion, Seungmin, and I make up Voix, a Korean idol group that’s been in the top 5 for a little over a decade now. We’ve had chart-topping hits, multi-day concerts that filled stadiums, appeared on variety shows, TV dramas, a few cameos in movies. We’ve each had solo albums, but this time? Are we near to disbanding?

I was 20 when Voix started, I’m 34 now, and my knees are feeling the need to quit. I’m the oldest and lead singer, I write most of the songs with a heavy 90s Black American flavor that I learned from my friends in International School. My music had adlibs, crooning, the yearning of a man who knows what it means to love, though I’m still looking for that.

Rion and I were in training together. He’s our lead dancer, constantly moving, always needing to be in motion. We’re close. We’ve known each other since I was 17, coming up through the dredges of our old company. The year before we were told that we would form Voix, they added Seungmin.

He’s the youngest, brash and loud-mouthed, constantly sharing his sometimes unwanted opinion. He’s our rapper and at 28 I wonder when he’s going to sit still.

Placing my magazine to one side, I cross my legs and stare at the two in front of me. Rion’s dyed his hair back to plum for the U.S. leg of our world tour, and Seungmin has freshly whitened hair.

“Why an American?” I ask. “We’d have to go through the extra leg of making sure she has a passport to come back here.”

“Then we chose from those who do.” Seungmin shrugs. “Not hard.”

“And if no one catches our eye?” I continue.

“Then no one does and we sit up here horny, bored, lonely, fisting our dicks every night to whatever we can find on the internet or the maladaptive daydreams before bed.” Rion stands up. “I don’t know about you, but I’m getting old, and I don’t want to fuck random woman because they’re easy. I want substance.”

Rolling my eyes, I sigh heavily. “Yes, Rion, let the lover boy in you flow forward.”

“Shut the fuck up,” He sits down again… hard. “You think the same thing, Taek, don’t be like that.”

“I heard you telling her we could be better,” Seungmin reminds me. “You liked her, but you didn’t love her.”

“There is a stark difference.” I reply. And there is. I know what love is supposed to feel like, and the toys we’ve had were fun, but I got bored after a month or two. No substance. Nothing in their eyes to keep me wanting. Nothing in their hearts to keep my desire piqued.

“So let’s fall in love.” Seungmin is serious. He stands up and slaps his hands on his bare thighs. His affinity for his short shorts in the house hasn’t grown on me.

Rion snorts.

“I’m serious. It could be this time, it could be next tour, next month, next three years, but we’re close… we’re like brothers.” Seungmin walks over to me, his white hair falling in his face. “We’ll do what? Two more albums, a tour, and then we’re on hiatus for a good while.”

“Leading to a ’disband.’” Rion yawns. “We have the house in Daegu, the penthouse in Busan, we each have our own apartments in Seoul.” Rion rubs his cheek. “Is this really what we’re doing?”

Sharing a girlfriend. A wife. Someone to call our own. A woman who fulfills each one of our needs, wants, and desires? All I want is someone to pamper. Yes… I might be a sadist, but it would be very nice to watch the woman I love squirm through the pain because she’s getting pleasure from it. I won’t be picky though, I can ease someone into it. Show them that even when it hurts, I’ll make them feel good.

The issue is… I’m not the only one with a kink.

Rion is a primal. He likes the chase, the fight, he likes to play mind games. It’s all in good fun, just to get to an orgasm, but he smothers too. To be on and next to someone. That takes someone special.

Seungmin. How can I explain him? He’s a rigger, tying his woman up gets him off, but only if she trusts him, and who would want to be suspended by rope hanging 6 feet off the ground? Who knows.

“Is this what you two want to do?” I ask, eyes going between the two.

“Yes,” Seungmin is always the first to answer. “I don’t know anything else. I don’t want anything else. We came into this as three. I’m happier when it’s us three. I want it to be us three, and we find someone we want, and she wants all of us.”

Rion smirks. “Isn’t he cute?” He shrugs. “He’s right though.”

“That’s not what I asked you.” I hate when he doesn’t answer directly. “Are we all in agreement? Do we ask Woo-bin to find our candidate on the U.S. tour leg, and see where this can lead?”

Rion sucks his teeth. “Yes, hyung. This is what I want.”

Fine. “Woo-bin?”

He must have been lingering around because he opens the door, sticking his head inside. “Yes?”

“We’re on a new search. You know who we’re looking for.”