ADAPTATION
Rowan
PAIN. That may be the only drug I’ve ever been addicted to my whole life. Sure, heroin makes me weak in the knees and all, but I don’t crave them, not like my brother Ryder does anyways. I mean I get why he does it though he likes to numb the pain. By pain I mean all the lovely broken ribs and bones courtesy of our dear old dad. I’d rather mention him only by his name-Jack from now on because I’ve never called him dad and never will not even when he takes his final breath which by the looks of it will probably be my doing.
If there is anything that Mr & Mrs. Smith here is good at doing it is making a shit ton of babies. God forbid a condom touches his dick right and maybe I should hate them for adding onto Ryder’s head but I never could, not when I can’t even handle the thought of what if one of them hadn’t been born. I’m pretty sure they’re the reason I haven’t offed myself by now. I love living with them I genuinely fucking love living. The twins are the youngest. Being twins is the only thing they have in common really. Rhys is a vicious little bitch like me and Rio is like getting whipped with sunshine from every direction. He’s more like my sister, Rhea. She is the kindest person you could ever meet, Rio’s getting there. I might not have birthed them but from the moment they were out of Jill, they were mine. I’ve bathed them, fed them, changed their diapers, sang some good old Weeknd songs to the kids and really just made sure the kids grow up knowing that they’re loved all along with Ryder who’s done the same for me and all of us really, taught us what love is and continues to do so. Ryder is my everything I like to think that he’s my mother and sometimes I don’t know how, but I feel like his mother too. I feel protective of him seeing how much hold Jill has of his heart and continues to use it to her advantage. Jack might be the alcoholic abusive one, but I know Jill is the one who has always been capable of fucking with us because deep down we loved her. I stopped calling her mom when I understood that. Maybe I should hate Rex for pussing out on us clearly Ryder does but when it comes to my siblings, I don’t have a single hating bone in my body ONLY when it comes to my siblings.WELCOME TO THE MOTHERFUCKING SMITH FAMILY!!!!!
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch what wasn’t water.
Jack came down with blood-filled arms,
And Jill came down much slaughtered.
BIRTH
“I’m gonna name him Rowan he’ll have the backbone both of you morons so fucking lack” Jack barked while Jill was screaming in pain. “It’s a girl” the doctor declared after a while trying to smile and lighten the mood despite having heard what he just said. Jack screamed “You better be fucking lying bitch” As scared as everyone else in the room she nodded. He started throwing things around the room screaming obscenities. Jill was terrified of what he might do to her baby. Finally, when he left everyone started to breathe. “She looks really pretty mom. She kinda does look like a Rowan,” said Rex. “Look at how tightly she’s holding my fingers” said Jill smiling, feeling lucky to have another precious baby to love. “Rowyyyyy!!” said Ryder with the biggest smile on his face leaning forward from Rex’s arms, he gave the baby a gentle kiss on her forehead. “It’s settled then she’s Rowan Smith” Rex beamed.
ADAPTATION
“Wassup motherfuckers” I screamed. I’m being woken up by two little demons at 6 am. Ryder is gonna kill us. “I love you Rowy” said Rio. “You can’t say Rowy you’re like fucking 7 years old,” said Rhys. I cupped Rios face in my arms and told him “If you stop calling me Rowy I’ll be fucking bawling my eyes out baby don’t listen to that vicious bitch” Rio beamed and jumped to hug me. The other ones jumping up and down on my stomach Jesus fucking Christ my lungs. As I predicted Ryders about to kill us all “Can you all just stfu IM TRYING TO SLEEP” he threw a pillow at Rhys. I started chuckling. I love it when he’s fucking pissed. I got up with Rio hugging me on my left and tackling Rhys with my right hand. God, I love their smiles. “Let’s make him happy-his favourite song now” I announced. Ryder started to cover his face with his pillow. Rhys already started bro was fucking waiting for an excuse to rap and launched into without me by Eminem. Rio was giggling and looking at a pissed off Ryder. “Tell your friends” Rhea joined us jumping next to Ryder on the bed. My eyes went to Rhea’s bedroom the recently moved cupboard from near the door. I hate that they must do that to feel safe in their own room, but we always make sure both of their rooms are locked and blocked with the cupboard before we go to sleep. Ryder and I share a room, we only lock ours if we know for a fact Jack’s gonna beat the shit out of us if we don’t. We were all screaming without me together at this point, and a defeated looking Ryder joined us. He loves this, trust me I’d know.
God I fucking love them so much their smiles are so precious I feel like Ryder doesn’t even smile anymore so feeling proud of myself for achieving that I beamed “Who the fucks hungry?” Everyone was agreeing while Rio said “ME!” while jumping in my arms. I hugged him as closely as I could and started walking. I pushed Ryder by the head back into the bed and he got up to push me back and I ran. I hear Rhea giggling. I’d do anything to keep them happy. “You bitch get back here” screamed Ryder playfully. I put the kid down ready to take him on and Rhea turned the light on, I think.
Suddenly all I could think about was his busted lip and all the parts of his body that must be aching because I was late to come home. “You weak fucker” I said tickling him. He couldn’t stop laughing but I could see it in his eyes that he was searching for the damage done by Jack on my body. “Stop fighting already ughh please don’t learn from them” Rhea started begging the twins, and she walked off pushing them both to walk downstairs. Ryder kicks me in my pussy even after telling him ten thousand times this shit doesn’t hurt. When is he gonna learn? I kick him in his balls now “When are you gonna learn bitch?” He just fell laughing and clutching his balls. “I hate you... maybe even more than Rex” he told me while side eyeing me. I was inspecting his busted lip now that the kids were gone. “Take that back asshole” I gave him my hand to help him up and took him straight to the bathroom. He didn’t let me clean them yesterday, but he knows I’m one persistent bitch, so he just obliges and lets me take him.
I was scouring through the first aid kit when he pulled out his stash from inside the closet lid. Now, I’m trying my best to be strong for the both of us, I really am. I’m trying to remind him that he’s getting too dependent on this shit, but I can also see how much he needs it. I can’t just take that away from him right, can I? I’m really lost here. “Jesus fucking Christ are youkeeping this in a house with these many kids? Are you insane?” I whisper shouted at him. “I’m sorry” is all he said looking at the floor. “Fucking look at me atleast” I said and so he did. “We only do coke together and I swear if I ever see you with Malfoy again I’m gonna fucking start dating him” you instantly replied you do know you don’t befriend a fucking drug dealer huh “No no Rowan please don’t talk to him I won’t do it again stay away from them please” you showed me your Pinky finger as stupid as it sounds we shake on it, it’s always been our most honest traditions. Rex was the founder of our little goofy ass tradition. “Ryder you break that promise I’m gonna break your fucking neck” Since he used that, maybe it’ll be different this time. He started lining the coke up while I was cleaning his cuts. He played Adaptation by The weeknd on his phone. “He’s the reason we’re so fucking addicted to drugs. He makes it sound so worth it” I reply with a cheeky smile “but it is worth it right?” and snort that shit up with him. I’m fucking joking kids, don’t do drugs.
AGE 10
I wake up to hear my mommy scream. I run downstairs to find her on the floor with her clothes all over the place. Jacks angry. He’s screaming something at my brother. I want to be of use. I want to help Ryder. He always saves me from him. I’m not scared of Jack. It’s just that I’m not strong enough to fight him but I will be one day. I’m not gonna stand back anymore though I’m sorry for not listening to you Ryder.
“You fucking bastard stay the fuck away from me or ill knock those fucking teeth out” screams Jack. He picks my brother up by the throat. I have to think fast. I put a piece of shattered glass in my pocket and run towards him. My brother sees me. He looks scared now, scared of what might happen to me. He screams “Go to your room Rowy now” he can’t breathe but he still manages somehow. He looks defeated. I let Jack choke me too. Jesus Christ It’s really hard to breathe. “You should’ve listened to your brother bitch” I wink at my brother to let him know we’re gonna be okay. I took that piece of glass and plunged it hard on his chest where I thought his heart might be.
LOVE IN THE SKY
I was walking alone boring, I know. Ryder’s got football and Rhea’s got chess but then I witness the weirdest shit ever. A dude tryna beat the shit out of—what? Air? I look around. Nothing. “Wanna try that on me babe?” I smile playfully and he turns a little shocked, blushing. Okay this is one attractive motherfucker. “Sure why not” he said with the biggest smile ever. He walks towards me with a sly smile and throws in the first punch. I block it fast and punched his jaw. Years of experience, my reflexes are not to be fucked with. When I fight it was always about survival it was to protect my kids, it was to win. He looks at me now with an even bigger smile realising that he underestimated me. “Go all in baby I can take it” I winked at him. He looks strong let’s see how strong he feels. He went for my pretty nose godammit. He looks at me as though he knew I loved the pain. I start bleeding from my nose “You’re stronger than you look” I was smiling really hard now God knows why. “Is that a compliment?” and then slowly he said “babe” to taunt me. I pulled him by his collar and kneed him on his balls as the response he just took it all the while looking me in the eyes. I pushed him back using his collar because I saw a man walking by about to stop whatever this was. Somehow this is the sexiest thing that has ever happened to me. Yes, I am fucked in the head and yes, I am coming back here every day if I get to beat the shit out of him. I slowly start to walk away because ofc I want to keep him wanting more. He is blushing there trying to think of something clever to say, to stop me. I could see the frustration on his face, but he just decides on “I’ll be here every day” I keep my smile on and look back to say, “I don’t give a fuck” We both knew I was lying. I like people like this no fucking questions asked, it was almost freeing. I was only walking away now because I knew I was late to work and I could still feel his eyes on me. Man is this what it feels like to be in love?
