AAKHRI MULAQAAT

Rang-e-aarzu ki mehak mein lipte khayalaat ke beech, aaj mere dil mein ek anokha sukoon utar aaya tha. Sardiyon ki is shaam mein ek ajeeb si khushboo ghuli hui thi, jis ke suroor se meri nigahon par rafta rafta ek madhoshi si taari ho gayi. Main metro rail ke teesre dabbe ke daayein jaanib wale darwaze par khada, sharbati aasmaan ko tak raha tha. Meri aankhon mein ghuroob-e-aaftaab ki manind ek tasveer ubhri hui thi. Shafaq ki aaghosh mein saans leta dhundhla kohra meri binaai ke aadhe manzar ko chura raha tha. Dhadkan aahista aahista tez ho rahi thi, magar saanson mein ek thahrao musalsal qaim tha. Main us zard aasmaan ko takta, apne zakhm-e-dil ko kuredta, kabhi pul ke neeche thehri hui bastiyon ke aks mein kho jaata, aur kabhi apne maazi ke bikhre lamhon ko yaad karta.

Dilli shehar metro ki khidki se aur bhi rumaan angez dikhai deta hai. Is ki khamoshi mein ek besabr khilkhilaahat ki baazgasht sunai deti hai. Yahan falak par udte bechain parinde mohabbat mein deewane ho jaya karte hain. Yahan ke bashindon ke dilon mein ishq ki dhadkan aatish ban kar seenon mein jagmagati hai. Is shehar ki ragon mein waqt kabhi thamta nahin, yeh shehar musafiron ko apna bana leta hai. Magar is ki aarzu na har kas-o-naa-kas ke naseeb mein likhi jaati hai, na hi yeh har kisi ke mustaqbil ka hissa ban paati hai.

Kitni hi saltanatein is ke seene mein dafan hain, jinke lahu ki khushboo aaj bhi iski mitti mein basi hui hai. Yeh zaroori nahin ke Dilli aap ko raas aaye, zaroori yeh hai ke aap Dilli ko bha jaayen. Aap is shehar se mohabbat to kar lijiye, magar yaad rahe ke is se wafa ki umeed na rakhiye ga.

Aaj taqreeban saat baras ke baad woh shaam aa pahunchi hai jab mera Aashima se milne ka wo ek khwaab, haqeeqat ka roop dhaarne ko hai. Dil-e-daghdaar ne ek umr is aarzoo mein basar ki ke kabhi to woh lamha aayega jab us husn-e-digar ka deedar naseeb hoga.

Main Aashima se saat baras pehle apni classes ke dauraan mila tha. Woh din bade masroof guzarte the, imtihaanon aur padhai ke hungaamon mein ghira rehta tha, magar isi hujoom-e-fikr o nazar mein ek chehra aisa tha jo meri nigaahon mein apni anokhiroshni bikherata rehta. Aahista aahista main mehsoos karne laga ke mera dil uski taraf mail hota ja raha hai, magar is ehsas ko zubaan dene se hichkichata zaroor tha.

Kuch waqt guzra to dil ki zid ke aage hathiyaar daal diye aur maan liya ke mujhe us se mohabbat hai. Main nahin jaanta tha ke uski kaun si khoobi mere dil ko sab se zyada bhaati thi. Main to uske qareeb bhi na tha. Shayad woh chamakti hui tez aankhein… ya uski nok daar zabaan… ya phir uska la parwa sa andaaz-e-fikr. Sach yeh hai ke main Aashima ko haqeeqat mein jaanta hi na tha—main to bas uske husn ko jaanta tha.

Lekin maatr husn ke sahaare zindagi ke nasheeb o faraz tay karna aasaan nahin hota. Haqeeqat yeh hai ke maine apne zehan mein Aashima ki ek mukammal tasveer tarash rakhi thi, aur mera ishq darasal isi khayali Aashima se tha. Ab main nahin jaanta ke haqeeqat ki Aashima mere tasavvur ki Aashima se kitni juda aur kitni mushabih hogi.

Main Dilli sheher chhodne ko tha. Nahin jaanta tha ke iske baad is jagah wapas aana kab naseeb hoga. Dil mein yeh khayaal ubhar aaya ke kyun na rukhsat se pehle ek aakhri baar Aashima ka deedaar kar liya jaye. Kya pata, zindagi ke kisi lamhe mein phir kabhi uske chehre ka tasavvur mehmaan bane ya na bane.

Mera dil khoob jaanta tha ke us se milna mehez ek mulaqaat na hoga; yeh to mere azaab-e-ishq ka imtihaan tha. Main chahta tha ke jis saaye tale meri zeest ka har pal kat raha hai, us saaye se mujhe rihai mil sake.

Haan! ek na-mukammal ishq, ek adhoori dastaan, ek be-wajood mohabbat — dil-e-nadaan ke liye ek azaab hi to hai.

Aaj maine iraada kar liya tha ke apne seene mein chupay hue us raaz se parda-e-siyaah ko hata kar, apne aap ko is giraft-e-na-umeedi se azaad kar loon. Azadi ka ek hi rasta hai — apni khwahishaat ko dafan kar dena; na khwahish rahe, na khwaab, na gham-e-chahat ka bojh, na roz-roz ki woh mushakkat, na kisi ka khayaal, na kisi ke lams ki talab, na kisi shay ka tasavvur, na kisi ke hone ki parwaah, aur na hi kisi ke chale jaane ka dard. Har din ki is tapish ko bujha dena chahta tha main. Yeh soch kar mere dil-e-sang ne bade sukoon aur nafasat se mujhe kaha:

"Is baar etiraaf kar daal… phir chahe wo teri taraf kabhi nigaah bhi na daale; phir chahe uski awaaz bhi teri kismat mein dobara na aaye."

Insaan apni mashooqa ko khone se ghabrata zaroor hai, magar usko haasil karne ki justju mein ek dard-e-la-faani ka humsafar ban jaata hai. Aksar hum apni shanakht ko ek aise khaanche mein dhalne ki koshish karte hain jo kisi aur ke tasavvur ka saaya hota hai, aur is amal mein hum apne asal wajood se door, ek be-jaan mujasme mein tabdeel ho jaate hain.

Magar dil ki hasrat ka kya kiya jaaye? Aakhir insaan apni hasraton ka hi to qaid hai — aisa qafas jismein rehte hue, saans lena sirf ek aadat bn jata hai, jahan azaadi ke bas khwaab dikhye jaate hai, par azaadi nahin milti. Umar bhar ka safar isi qafas ki tiliyon ke darmiyan kat jaata hai. Chand khwahishaat aur be-maqsad armaanon ko haasil karne ki jadd-o-jehad hi goya tafseer-e-zindagi ban jaati hai.

Jazbaat ka ek toofaan mere dil-o-jigar mein machal raha tha. Aankhon mein nami ki ek dhund si utar aayi thi aur hont par khushki ka regzaar phaila hua tha. Barson baad uske rubaru aane ke khayaal se dil ki dhadkan mein ek ajab utar chadhaav barpa tha. Labon par kapkapahat thi, aur dil ke kisi kone mein yeh khauf bhi sir utha raha tha ke agar aaj maine us se apni mohabbat ka etiraaf kar diya to shayad iske baad na us chehre ka deedar naseeb hoga, na hi koi guftagu ki gunjaish baqi rahegi. Magar jo bhi ho, main azm kar chuka tha ke aaj keh doonga — taake kam az kam is nadamat ke bojh se to khud ko azaad kar sakoon. Shayad yun mere dil-e-muztar ko ek qatra sukoon mil jaye.

Station aa chuka tha. Maine aahista se apne kadam badhaye aur platform par utar gaya. Har badhte qadam ke saath meri dhadkan ki raftaar bhi badh rahi thi. Seedhiyon par chadhte hue meri nigaahein un musafiron par padti jo daudte hue train pakadne ki fikr mein the. Apne dil ko apne haathon mein uthaaye main station ke baahar nikal aaya.

Connaught Palace ke is hissay se main zyada waaqif nahin tha. Maine apni nigaahein uthai aur charon taraf dekha—hawa aaj kuch zyada hi sard thi, falak par raat ka saaya chhupke se rista hua aa raha tha. Mahol mein ek halki si tharthrahat thi—kuch log garam chai ka lutf utha rahe the, kuch hujoom bana ke khade hansi-o-thahakon mein doobe the, koi apne kaam mein magan tha, to koi bas sukoon se cigarette ke kash laga raha tha.

Us chahal-pahal ke darmiyan main kuch apne kadmon ko sambhalta, aur kuch dil ko sambhalte hue aage badhta ja raha tha. Road ke us paar pahunch kar daayein taraf meri nigaahein “Café Andaz” par tik gayin. Main uske darwaze ke saamne ruk gaya. Jeb se mobile nikaal kar maine Aashima ko message likha:

“Main Café Andaz ke saamne hoon, tum kahan ho?”

Aur ek halki si muskaan ke saath likha, “Mujhko pehchaan to logi na?”

Magar send karne se pehle hi uska jawaab aa gaya:

“Zara peeche to mudna…”

Ek lehr-e-betaabi mere seena-e-bismil mein daud gayi. Aankhon mein chamak thi, hothon par ek mehroom si muskurahat, aur saanson mein mashaam-e-faagun ghul gayi thi. Main aahista se mudha—aur dekha, mujhse kuch door Aashima khadi thi.

Woh dheeme kadmon se meri taraf badhi—yun samjho ke nigaah-e-naaz ke aage khud nargis-e-firdos utar aayi ho. Uske chehre par ek azeem muskaan thi, uski aankhon mein jaan-e-bahaar ka basera. Wo uski adaa-e-naaz ki tezi, wo uske badan ki lachak, wo uske rukhsaar ki ronak, wo zulf ka saaya, wo lab-e-shiriin ki lazzat, wo rukh-e-roshan pe khuld ka aks. Sab kuch meri chashm-e-dhadak mein jhilmila raha tha. Yun maano ke waqt mere aage theher sa gaya ho, shab ka aana, musaafiron ka guzarna, meri aah-e-dil, parindon ki parvaaz, sab kuch ruka ruka sa tha.

Woh mere kareeb aayi aur apni mizgan utha kar mere chehre ki taraf dekha. Uski taab-e-nazar jab meri nami se bhari aankhon par padi, to shayad usne bhi ek jhalak ashk-e-faani ki dekh li hogi. Uske peshaani pe ek pal ko halki si shikan ubhri, jo foran hi uske chehre se ojhal ho gayi. Phir usne narmi se apna haath meri taraf badhaya. Maine dil ko thaam kar uska haath thama, aur halki si muskaan mein poocha, “Aap kaisi hain?”

Mere khaana-e-dil-e-betaab mein ek veeraani si utar aayi thi—kuch tha jo andar hi andar pighal raha tha, jaise koi purani tasveer dhundhli roshni mein ubharne ko ho. Zehen mein bas woh thi—uski awaaz, uski hansi, uski khushboo… aur kuch bhi nahin.

Hum dono uske baad Café Andaz gaye aur uski upari manzil mein, khidki ke kareeb wali jagah par baith gaye. Ashima mere rubaru thi—uske rukh par ek barq thi mere dil mein ek ghubaar tha; uski aankhon mein sukoon, mere seene mein ek toofaan; uski baaton mein itminaan, mere labon par iztiraab. Us shagufta-e-jamaal ki awaaz mein mohabbat thi, mere lehje mein khauf tha; usko kehne ki aadat thi, mujhko sunne ka shauq tha.

Maine chai ki halki si chuski lete hue uska haal poocha. Wo bolna shuru karti to rukne ka naam na leti. Mujhe samajh nahi aa raha tha ke main uski baaton mein kho raha tha ya uski aankhon mein. Kabhi guftagu ke darmiyan khidki ke baahar dekhta to Dilli ki rawaani meri nigahon mein ek surat-e-gham ko numaya kar deti, aur jab Ashima ko dekhta to dil mein ek mayusi ka saaya utar aata. Main Dilli aur Ashima—dono ko—chhod kar ja raha tha; dono mere dil mein azeem jagah rakhte the, aur aaj dono ek saath mere muqaabil baithe the.

Guftagu ke beech kabhi wo apni zulfon par haath pherti, kabhi laton ko sawarti. Kabhi tirchi nigah se khidki ke baahar dekhti, to lagta Dilli bhi us paar se Ashima ko muskara ke dekh rahi ho. Aakhir Ashima ka aks hi to thi Dilli.

Shaam aahista aahista hum par taari ho rahi thi; khidki ke shishe se sitare chamakne lage. Main Ashima se duniya bhar ki baatein karne laga, aur wo apni zindagi ke kisse sunane lagi. Beech beech mein main apni khabron ka bhi izhaar karta. Is arse mein jo kuch chhut gaya tha, humne us sab ka zikr kiya.

Phir ek pal aisa aaya jab main ruk gaya, chai ki ek chuski li, aur apne haal-e-dil par ghaur kiya. Yak-lakht ek aehsaas dil par taari hua, jo meri har khushi ko gham mein tabdeel kar raha tha. Kaafi kuch yaad aane laga… maine dil ko sambhala, Ashima ki taraf dekha aur ahista se kaha:

“Yeh meri tum se aakhri mulaqaat hai.”

Wo kuch pal ke liye hairaan reh gayi, phir ek dum se poocha:

“Aisa kyun keh rahe ho? Kya wapas Dilli nahi aaoge? Aur na bhi aao to… kabhi to milenge.”

Uske chehre par ummeed aur asbaat ka ek saaya tha.

“Asal mein… mujhe mehsoos ho raha hai ke yeh aakhri mulaqaat hai, aur shayad sach bhi yehi hai,” maine haami bhari. “Waise, Ashima… ek baat hai jo mujhe kai dino se pareshaan kar rahi hai,” maine nazrein churate hue kaha, “shayad mujhe tumhein batani chahiye.”

Yeh sunkar uske chehre par ek sanjeedgi ka rang ubhar aaya.

“Haan, zaroor… tum mujhe bata sakte ho,” usne dheeme lehje mein kaha.

"To baat kuch aisi hai," maine bolna shuru kiya, "teen–chaar mahine pehle main ek chai ki dukaan par baitha tha. Mere ek taraf kuch university ke ladke baithe baatein kar rahe the. Unki guftgu ke kuch tukde mere kaanon tak ruk-ruk ke pohanch rahe the. Itne mein, unmein se ek ne apne dost se kaha, ‘Yaar, tujhe baat dil mein nahin rakhni chahiye thi, usko bol dena chahiye tha.’

Woh alfaaz mere zehen mein patthar ki lakheer ban gaye. Ek bechaini si dil mein samane lagi, aur baar-baar wahi lafz mere andar goonj uthte."

Maine ek gehri aah bhari aur aage kaha, "Main jab logon ke beech hota hoon to sab theek lagta hai, magar jaise hi tanhaayi ka aaghosh mujhe gher leta hai, wahi alfaaz phir se yaad aate hain. Tab afsos hota hai… ke maine kyun nahin kaha? Shayad keh dena chahiye tha."

Ashima ke chehre par ek sanjeeda sa saaya tha. Wo ekdum chup, bejaan si lagne lagi. Maine uske kuch bolne se pehle apni baat aage badhai,

"Main jaanta hoon ke tumhe is baat ka andaza pehle se hoga… par shayad ab keh hi dena chahiye — Ashima, main tumse hamesha mohabbat karta raha hoon."

Meri baat khatam hone se pehle hi Ashima ke rukh par ek halki si kasakaa gayi, ek zard sa nishaan uske lab-e-shiriinpe muskurane laga. Uski aankhon mein hairani thi, jaise usne aisa kabhi socha na ho.

"Main jaanta hoon ke ab yeh sab kehne ka koi matlab nahin," maine aage kaha. "Shayad mujhe yeh kabhi nahi kehna chahiye tha… par mere dil-e-nadaan se yeh nadamat aur nahi jheli ja rahi thi. Har din jo bechaini seene mein jagti thi, usko ab main aur nahi seh sakta. Isliye socha, is aakhri mulaqaat mein tumhe keh doon. Shayad iske baad hum kabhi na milen, par kam az kam yeh afsos to nahi rahega ke tum mere dil ki aarzoo se bekhabar rahi."

Usne halki si haami bhari, ek uljhan bhari saans ke saath mera naam lete hue kaha, "Main tumhare jazbaat samajhti hoon… par main kisi aur se mohabbat karti hoon. Main chahti hoon yeh baat yahin khatm ho jaaye."

Uski baat sunkar mere dil-e-zar par koi toofan nahi utha. Main sirf muskara ke bola, "Main tumse koi ummeed lekar nahi aaya, Ashima. Main yeh sirf isliye keh raha hoon taaki apne dil ke iss silsila-e-dard ko hamesha ke liye khatm kar sakoon. Iske baad main tumse kabhi nahi milunga. Shayad keh dene se mere dil ko kuch sukoon mil jaaye."

Maine khidki se bahar sitaaron ki taraf dekha aur dheere se kaha, "Jab pichli baar yahan se gaya tha, to bahut ummeed lekar gaya tha ke shayad kabhi tumse phir mulaqaat ho jaaye. Magar ab jab ja raha hoon, to apni har ummeed, har hasrat ko yahin khatam karna chahta hoon. Ab main tumhare aitbaar se kisi ummeed ko apna humsafar banana nahi chahta."

Ashima ki aankh mein sabz dard ka ek halka sa saaya ubhar aaya tha; uske khushk hothon par ek be-chaini si numayan ho rahi thi. Jaise uske dil mein koi baat thi jo labon tak aa kar ruk jaati ho. Maine ek halki si aah bhari, aur muskurahat ke saath uski sard nigaahon mein dekhte hue kaha:

"Tumhe pata hai, Ashima… jab main tumhare saath classes karta tha, to pehle-pehle main apne dil ki aarzoo ko maanne se inkaar karta raha. Mujhe yaqeen nahi tha ke main tumhe chahne laga hoon. Mere dost kehte the ke meri chahat mere chehre par likhi hui hai, sab ko pata chal jaata tha. Kaafi arse tak khud se ladte-ladte main ne yeh baat maan hi li… ke mujhe tum pasand ho. Magar mujhe dar tha… ke agar tumhe yeh keh diya, to shayad hamare beech hamesha ke liye khaamoshi aa jaaye."

Main ek pal ke liye ruk gaya, nazrein uthai, aur halki awaaz mein kehne laga:

"Class ke aakhri din humein ek imtihaan dena tha. Hum sab coaching ki building pahunche. Jaise hi main gate ke saamne aaya, tum wahan mili. Wo manzar aaj bhi mere zehen mein utna hi taaza hai—tumhari khuli zulfein, chehre par wo roshan si chamak, hothon pe wo meethi si muskaan… sab kuch bilkul waise hi nazar aata hai mujhe jaise us din tha.

Phir hum imtihaan dene baith gaye. Us waqt pata nahi kaise, par mere dil mein ek ajeeb sa khayaal aaya—ek awaaz uthi, ‘Shayad yeh aakhri baar hai jab main Ashima ko dekh raha hoon. Ho sakta hai iske baad umar bhar mulaqaat na ho.’ Ye khayaal itna khaufnaak tha ke main sang ki tarah khamosh ho gaya. Kabhi tumhe dekhta, kabhi us soch mein doob jaata… ke tum phir kabhi meri nigaahon mein aa bhi paogi ya nahi.

Aur main ghalat nahi tha—tum itne saalon tak mujhe dobara nahi mili. Ek dafa socha tha ke tumhe phone par message bhej kar sab kuch keh doon. Par phir dil ne kaha… jis ne itne arse se tumhe dekhne ki tamanna zinda rakhi hai, wo tamanna mil kar hi poori hogi. Isi liye socha… agar mulaqaat mumkin ho, to saamne baith kar hi apne seene ka yeh bojh utaar dunga. Aur kismat dekho… tum bhi milne ke liye maan gayi."

Meri saanson ki garmi tez hone lagi, seene mein ek beqaraari ka shola bhadak utha, lahu mein ek ubhaal sa aa gaya. Mere lehje mein ek ajnabi si ghabrahat ka shola jal uthe—kuch us lehze ka rang dard se sarshaar tha, aur kuch zakhm-e-aashiqi ka soz tha.

Maine apne alfaaz ko phir se zinda kiya:

"Tumhare aitbaar se main ne bas ek mulaqaat maangi thi, aur kabhi apne tasavvur mein iske aage kuch socha hi nahin. Shayad mere liye mulaqaat hi sabse badi cheez thi. Yun to kai baar apne khayaalon mein tumse milne ka khwaab dekha—mausam badalte gaye, saal guzar gaye—par wo mulaqaat kabhi na aayi. Aur aaj jab main tumhare saamne baitha hoon… to bas is yaqeen ke saath ke iske baad tumse phir kabhi mulaqaat na ho sakegi. Shayad yeh sab kehne ke baad mere dil ko sukoon mil jaaye… shayad mumkin ho ke main tumhe bhool bhi jaun."

Ashima ke chehre par jazbaat ka ek silaab tha, jo uske rukh ki halke se badalti hui silvaton mein numayan tha. Wo mujhe bade itminaan se sun rahi thi—kabhi halki si muskaan uske hothon par aati, to kabhi ek shikan uske mathe par ubhar jaati.

Usne halki awaaz mein kaha:

"Maine kabhi socha bhi nahin tha ke main tumhe pasand ho sakti hoon… tumne kabhi aisa aehsaas bhi nahi dilaya."

Main ne thodi hairaani ke saath jawab diya:

"Ek dafa socha tha keh doon… par usi khauf ne rok liya, ke kahin hamare beech ke saare taalluqaat khatm na ho jaayein. Aur sach kahun… to mujhe aitbaar hi nahin tha ke tumhare dil mein mere liye koi harkat bhi paida ho sakti hai."

Maine ek gahri saans le kar kaha:

"Aisa nahin hai ke mujhe tumse mohabbat hai… shayad kisi zamaane mein thi. Par mujhe lagta hai tum mere liye ek junoon ho—wo junoon jo mere dil ko aaj tak apni giraft mein baandhe hue hai. Main is qaid-e-la-faani se ab azaadi chahta hoon."

Ashima ne mujhe apni khwabida aankhon se dekhte hue kaha:

"Mujhe yaqeen nahin hota ke tum mujhse itne mutassir the. Par haqeeqat tum jaante ho… hamara waise bhi koi mustaqbil nahin—hamare mazhab alag hain. Accha hai ke tumne keh diya; na ab tumhe koi nadamat rahegi, na main tumhare junoon se bekhabar rahungi."

Mere dil mein ek halkapan sa utar aaya, saanson mein ek nayi ravani mehsoos hui, aur chehre par be-ikhteyaar ek muskaan si aagai. Main ne dheere se kaha:

"Shayad mere dil mein tumhari hasrat is baat se zinda hai ke tum mere liye ta-umar la-haasil rahi ho. Aakhir jo cheez haasil ho jaaye, wo waqt ke saath apna rutba kho deti hai. Main iske baad tumse nahi milunga… aur baat to waise bhi hum zyada karte nahin. Ab bas yehi umeed hai ke tumhare na hone ka asar mere dil par se hamesha ke liye utar jaye. Jaanta hoon, alfaaz thode talkh hain, lekin mere haal-e-dil ke liye filhaal yehi marham hain."

Ek lamhe ke liye khaamoshi chha gayi. Main bas Ashima ko dekhta raha… aur wo meri nazron mein apni nigahen gaad kar baithi rahi. Phir, bade adab se, main ne baat aage badhayi:

"Ab to sirf yehi tamanna hai… ke dil is ke baad koi aur tamanna na kare."

Ashima ki aankhon mein ek soorat-e-gham thi. Usne aahista se kaha:

"Shukriya… apne is e’tiraaf se mujhe ru-baru karane ke liye. Ab mujhe bhi malaal nahi rahega ke tumne kabhi kaha nahi. Main dua karungi ke tumhe koi aisi mile jo tumhe mohabbat ka asal ehsaas de sake… wo mohabbat jiske tum haqdar ho. Aur wo josh-e-aashiqi jo mera naam-o-nishaan tumhare dil se mita de."

Ashima ke labon par ek halki si tapish thi; uski awaaz mein iztiraab, lehje mein afsos, aur nigaahon mein aks-e-bechaini. Aisa lagta tha, jaise uske darmiyan kuch toot sa gaya ho.

Main ek ajeeb sa sukoon mehsoos kar raha tha—jaise mere dil se sadiyon ka bojh utar gaya ho. Ab na koi khauf tha, na haibat. Maine ghadi ki taraf dekha—9:30 bajne wale the. Fikrmand lehje mein bola:

"Chalte hain… warna der ho jayegi. Tumhara to ghar bhi kaafi door hai."

Ashima ne bhi waqt ka ahsaas kiya, aur hum dono Café Andaz se bahar nikal aaye. Use taxi leni thi, isliye hum chalte-chalte taxi stand ki taraf badhne lage. Raste mein main tirchi nazron se use dekhta raha—uske rukh-e-naaz par ek uljhan thi. Lagta tha wo kuch soch rahi hai… shayad naraaz hai, ya bas yahan se jaane ki jaldi mein hain.

Main ne uski taraf rukh karke kaha:

"Lagta hai maine tumhara mood kharab kar diya. Main samajh sakta hoon… lekin mera yaqeen karo, mere liye yeh kehna bahut zaroori ho gaya tha. Mujhe maaf kar dena. Aur iske baad main tumhe kabhi pareshan nahi karunga."

Achanak Ashima ke kadam ruk gaye. Wo mere saamne aa kar meri aankhon mein dekhne lagi. Phir bahut naazuk awaaz mein boli:

"Haqeeqat to yeh hai… ke main bhi tumse mohabbat karti thi. Kitne arse tak tumhara intezaar karti rahi… par tumne kabhi mere haal-e-jaan ka socha hi nahi."

Yeh alfaaz mere kaanon mein kisi toofaan ki tarah ghoonj uthe. Meri thami hui dhadkan ekdum tez ho gayi—bebasi ka ek silsila sa mere andar jaag utha. Mauj-e-dariya-e-aashiqi meri kashti-e-sukoon ko saahil se door dhakel rahi thi.

Main ne hairat mein kaha:

"Yeh… yeh kya keh rahi ho? Maine to apne khwabon mein bhi kabhi yeh nahi socha ke tum mujhse mohabbat karti ho. Mujhe to halka sa bhi ehsaas nahi hua. Aur yeh mumkin kaise… matlab… tum mujhe…"

Ashima ne apna haath mere gaal par rakha aur aahista se boli:

"Ab is baat ka koi faayda nahi. Maine socha, jab tum e’tiraaf kar rahe ho… to main bhi kar doon. Lekin ab… meri zindagi mein koi aur hai. Par tumhari chahat ko main ne apne dil ke ek kone mein mehfooz rakha hai. Tum bhi apni is hasrat ko apne dil mein panah de dena."

Uski aankhon mein nami ka ek silaab tha, guftaar mein na-ummeedi ka saaya. Usne aage badhkar mujhe gale se laga liya. Meri baahon mein uske badan ka hona… yeh koi tasavvur nahi tha—yeh haqeeqat thi, aur wo bhi aisi jo meri rooh par apna nishaan chhod rahi thi.

Uski saanson ki garmi mujhe apne seene par mehsoos ho rahi thi. Maine aankhein band ki… aur is lamhe ko hamesha ke liye apne zehen mein kaid kar liya. Us se gale lagte hue, maine uske kaan mein dheere se kaha:

"Ab is zindagi mein tum mujhe haasil na ho saki… phir kisi aur zindagi mein milenge, tab tum sirf meri hi hona."

Mera dil dard-e-mohabbat se labrez tha; aankhon ke kinare par ashq ki kataaren kab se tooti jaane ko be-qarar thi. Halke kadmon se Ashima taxi ki taraf badi… main ne ek aakhri baar us se haath milaya, phir usse jaane diya.

Wo ja chuki thi… aur mere muqaabil bas kohra hi bacha tha. Mere seene mein ghubaar-e-gham ubharne laga. Meri aankhon ki chaukat par ashq ki be-sabri muskara rahi thi, aur meri saanson mein ruk-ruk kar shikast-e-ishq ka zikr hone laga.

Main aaj sukoon ki talaash mein aaya tha… magar mere qalb-o-jigar mein to ek aandhi chal padi. Meri rag rag mein nadamat aur bebasi ka shor goonj utha. Hawa kuch aur sard hui, maathe par paseene ki boondein ubharne lagin; mere andar ek ranj-o-gham, ek malaal, ek vasvasa ubalne laga.

Main ne aasmaan ki taraf dekha, aur apne dil-e-khaar se poochha:

"Ab to maine teri tamanna poori kar di… phir kyun tu is kadar bechain hai?"

Par dil ka kya zor—uski khwahishaat kabhi khatm nahi hoti. Ta-umar insaan bas inhi khwahishaat aur hasraton mein uljha rehta hai. Dil ki har tamanna par ikhtiyaar paana mumkin to nahi, isliye… kuch khwahishen na-mukammal hi rahein to behtar hai. Shayad, kuch cheezon ke la-haasil rehne mein hi insaan ki bhalai hai.

"Meri majboori hai ke main us se mohabbat karna chhod nahi sakta… aur uski majboori ke wo mujh se mohabbat kar nahi sakti. Hum dono apni majbooriyon ki giraft mein, ek doosre se juda-juda, door hote ja rahe hain. Shayad iske baad main usko kabhi na dekh paun… shayad wo kabhi meri awaaz na sun sake. Par yeh ahd hai mera… ke ek din, main uski nigaah mein phir aaunga."