I wrote you . . .
Letters to Burn
By: Stacy Day
My Dearest,
“I wrote you. I wrote your 365 Letters. I wrote you every day for a year. It wasn’t over. Still isn’t” – Noah – The Notebook
What if worlds collide.
The Holy Grail meets The Shadows.
Who is my reader? Each love of my life. This is my apology. It was me, The Problem. This world we don’t fight. This world we make up. We start with who I wanted the most. Bright Eyes.
The Best Bud of My Old Friend. The Best Friend of My Husband. The Josh. My Mom would describe him as the one with the hair. He looks just like Dean. That is the who. The Love of My Life. Bright Eyes.
We bring back to life The Shadows. Remembering the laughs. The healing. We go back to gain focus of how to move forward. It’s an struggle being a struggle, but I am trying. Even if I struggle. I am trying.
We turn off the fog machines. Turn the lights up. The Cameras turn off. It was just a show. This is reality. When we focused what the heart wanted. The song it sang was, District Sleeps Tonight.
We play our game. What year was it? What memory with the melody? We remember what being alive was like.
Song: District Sleeps Tonight
Artist: Postal Service
Released: July 8th, 2003
Discovered: 2004-2007
This was my most listened to Band Bus Album. When I would walked the halls of being a new high schooler. It was Josh who I dreamt of. The song is attached to a shadows story of Mike Johnson, My Therapist. Mr. Bow-Tie. It was incoherent. This is my illness.
My story is more than my illness. We learn to be Stacy, again. Who am I?
Struggling with schizophrenia. Relearning who I am. It’s the task. I forget. Who I never forget it Josh. He is The Shadow of The Shadows. Using a long name of Best of My Old Friend. This I hate. It’s like he didn’t matter.
Jesse is My Old Friend. It was his turn. He made me famous. He is God-like to who I used to me, because of what he did. Knowing he is ok and happy. We like to pretend and create. He is helper with my mind. He likes to have his part to read.
My Old Friend is The Devil. The scenes were wrote. He has his moment. Josh blocks The Sun. He is the great Guardian to come in and protect. I know that my bedtime stories to a room of boys. We grew up. We aren’t kids any more. I remember more. The more I remember, The more love pours.
The Shadows are books to burn. It’s the great Notebooks of what if Jesse was the one. Knowing that he isn’t. Something inside told me what was happening.
Postal Service
District Sleeps Tonight
Album I used to listen to, when I lived in Blanchester. This would make sense to Josh. My Books will be letters. Things would be directed at Josh. Understand one thing, Jesse a character. I don’t know him in real life. I like writing about him. His story is told. He is the key to unlock it’s mysteries.
We are Postal Service. In my head. They wrote that album via the internet. We created our Marvel inside our computers. We built it. Until, we all our hand and hand. Walking the red carpet. I won’t stop. It’s close.
This song meets them all. Jesse likely sent it to me, while he was pushing Josh. I loved Josh. Jesse and I used to talk about Josh. This is the story of how it started. Remembering more. Reading more.
The Shadows is non-sense. It’s bad. It should be. I was very sick. Jesse had to turn his back on me. My dreams screamed at me that there was someone else. That person is Abby. She is who he loves. I am always going to be Jesse’s girl. In another life. That will always be something to hold.
He never hurt me. He couldn’t hurt anyone. My delusions, hallucinations, and intrusive thoughts fixate on him. Why, because he is The Devil. Schizophrenics often think they are biblical characters, fixate on religion, and become prophets for the end times.
To me, I am Jesse’s therapist. He is healed and whole. If I move on. He can. We all get to go to Taylor & Travis Wedding. This is goals. I am a manifester. This is why I write grand. I want to be grand. I want luxury. I want to be friends with My Oldest Friend. Even if I don’t get to go to Taylor’s Wedding. I am still, The Problem. It’s good to be The Problem. We work on the next project.
Operation pour back into The Community. The Haven is my passion topic. My Charity once The Sky opens. The money is there for this. It’s waiting for you. This is how I believe.
When I used to listen to District Sleeps Tonight. I was in a club called Hi-Y. I used to sit with David. These are the good memories with David. There are many. The Shadows blocked his memory. When I remembered that he is sorry. He likely doesn’t remember. It might not have happened. If that’s the case. My apologies.
My Body remembers, what I can’t.
Healing My Subconscious, heals my central nervous system. Digging up childhood traumas. Reviewing Dreams. Being mindful. Healed my serious illness. That and medication.
Suffering is what I did to myself. Being on the right medication, saved my life. Saved my dreams. Got me to refocus.
I am not, Rory Gilmore. Although, I try to be. Rory would settle into her life with her son. We will wait to see what’s next for Gilmore girls. Fans scream for more. We write the reimagined world of this is the story now.
My life was filled with love and light. My childhood was intense with passion and fun. I lived a full life. The worst thing to happen with me, was David playing around. That’s what I remembered. He was just playing. This was the scariest memory. The reason for my panic attacks. It goes back to this one day.
We hold hands and take a walk. He be mad at me. Tell me how he feels. I say sorry. We walk and talk. Write down how we feel. David was my best friend. He sat with me on the band bus. We would listen to Postal Service. It was My CD case. My CD player. My Music is My Headphones. My Melodies became me.
As I become the melody. I remembered. All these years of fearing and being mad. It was a waste. David is a cool guy. That guy was very much Harry Styles. He just would wrestle with me.
Jesse did. Wrestling hard put a block in consciousness. My body thinks this is fearful memory. It was just wrestling. I remember things worse than they are. I am struggling. I am crying mess because of something. I blamed this bad day. Not him. I never blamed him. I never did.
Holding me under water. Holding me on the ground. While I was fighting back. This is my head confused it as being something to fear. The body feeds on fear. My panic attacks were stemming from this bad day in the park.
Jesse & David were the same kind of memories. Jesse was my best friend. We slept on each other. We would lean on each other and sleep in long days of classes. David was in the grade above me. He in leadership roles in Hi-Y with me. My Dream is to live with purpose, as I did.
Life of purpose keeps you alive. Forgiving David for the nothing he did. He is confused. Me too. He would love being famous. If I changed the narrative to truth. David roughed house with me, too much. I grew up and cried. When I cried. I forgot.
Some of those tears when I was younger. Missing his friendship. I grief the loss of my friends. He is sorry what he did do. I am trauma. When you say, I am sorry for what I don’t know I did. Then healing comes.
David would make a great star. He would make a great partner. We focus back on changing the world. Jesse & I need help. We need a crew. David would be focused on changing who he was in the story. It was blurry memory. I hope my letters reach him. I hope it heals him. I hope he forgives me for what was true. I know that he isn’t a bad guy. I would full on kiss his mouth. Give him the longest hug. Throw shots and back. We move on. Make this money. Be champs.
Welcome to the world of what is Stacy talking about?
District Sleeps Tonight
I was 13 when The Album came out. I was best friends with My Old Friend, Jesse. Who was best friend’s Josh. Josh was who I was madly in love with. This is how I would tell the story to My Mom.
When I lived in Blanchester. It was hard years of my life. There have been many years. Most have been filled with Sun and laughter. That is the first album that reminds me of Josh. I remembered today, when I found a passage in The Shadows about the first therapy appointment I had, with Mike Johnson. He was just someone I knew. Then over the years of being away. He was all I thought about. He could never be mine.
It’s nice to dream about him.
The album goes back to Josh.
