Crumbling Pillars

The cell phone vibrated with the notification "Due date: draft to the Pilar Project". I immediately locked the screen and turned the phone down, as if this way I could hide from it. Just like a child who hides under the covers to escape from the monster that lives inside the closet.

Perhaps, if I ignored the notification, time would stop at that moment and I wouldn't have to face what was coming. I rested my face on my hands taking a deep breath. What time was it when I'd decided to call the night and resume the rehearsing? Fatigue was starting to hit. I looked at the time. Thirty more minutes Could I take a quick nap? Just ten minutes...I pondered laying my headfirst on the table. Around midnight Nadia had gone to her place, leaving me alone reviewing the slides. I couldn't sleep. It was a fact. Around two in the morning my cats were already able to recite the entire presentation backwards. I still wasn't satisfied. I didn't feel ready. Needless to say, Fred was nowhere to be seen. When I got home with Nadia at the end of the day, Fred bid us good night and left quietly with some excuse and we didn't see him the rest of the night. He really seemed to hate my job. Or more specifically the Project.

Las semester was dedicated solely to this day, when I could finally sit at the table with the Board and present my ideas for the expansion of the Cognitive Development Research sector. And more than that, the next five years of my career would be defined by this presentation. If I were successful, we would have the approval to start the research on the Pilar Project, with a total investment of thirty million and a multi-professional team composed of eleven coordinators to each sector under my supervision. Without mentioning what it would mean for my professional future.

Nadia was indulging herself with a cigarette on the other side of the table, the smoke clinging to my eyes. "Really, stop overthinking it. There is no point being nervous" I let out a soft sarcastic laugh "You shouldn't smoke inside, you know..." I felt my stomach turn. That pizza of dubious provenance we ordered in the evening before had not been the best idea of ours and now it was taking its toll.

"They're ready for you. How do you feel?" Nadia put down her cigarette and went slamming the door behind her, without the slightest ceremony. "As if I were about to climb the gallows" I mused. My oldest friend and right-hand man didn't seem tense at all. Much less tired. In fact, she was calmer than usual. "We either get it. Or we don't" "Do I look as bad as I feel?" I pondered, considering that perhaps I might be letting out more of the exhaustion and anxiety than I thought. It cost me to reassure myself. I'd studied, prepared, rehearsed and reviewed the proposal, the slides of the presentation until who knows what time - Not to mention I couldn't tell if I'd really slept at all - I had to remember that no one in that meeting would know more than I about the subject. My mind was in a buzz "How can you be so calm?" I asked "It's easy. A tranquilizer for breakfast and the magic is done," she said mockingly.

Seeing the roller coaster of emotions on my face, Nadia regained her seriousness and held out a glass of water to me. "Shit..." Her eyes roamed the room confirming that we were indeed alone and said in a lower tone "Maybe it's not the best time to say this, but you'll find out anyway and it's like that old saying: better safe than sorry, right...?" followed by a nervous laugh at the end of her statement in an attempt to reduce the tension. Which did little to comfort me. Something told me that I wouldn't like what she was about to say "Say it already!. I have a feeling that stalling will only make things worse" massaging my temple with one hand, I extended the other accepting the water.

"It seems that the Board has invited a new investor to participate and if the Project is approved, he will contribute an additional capital. Something like ten million to our budget!" It was clear that Nadia was optimistic, but also, she knew me well enough to tell I'd be skeptical "Okay... And the bad news?" a lump was definitely forming in my throat and all the water in the world didn't seem able to untie it "The bad news is that the investment is attached to the condition that he acts as a consultant to the Project. Which means that he'd also be our boss. He'd have a say in things, since you'd work side by side throughout the process" my heart stopped beating for a second as my brain processed the information "There is no such thing as one being the 'boss'. We are a team and we work together. By chance I'm the creator, but that doesn't matter right now" I shook my head trying to concentrate "Do you mean that he would have the power to interfere in any way he wanted?" I asked, still having difficulty to let the news sink in "Basically, yes. You'd share some leadership roles" what Nadia was saying began to make some sense, and I didn't like what I was hearing "With the caveat that he may have conflicts of interest. Since he has money to lose and stuff" I threw my hands up in the air "Great, there goes the impartiality. Thank you, Nadia. I think it's about time".

I rested my empty glass on the table "Let's make it count" I said, placing a hand on her shoulder and giving a smile that I hoped would look reassuring "Not yet, champion" she opened her bag, pulling out two small glasses and a bottle of whiskey. She served both with a generous dose of the drink that overflowed on the table "To the Pilar Project" she raised her glass and I mirrored the movement "To the Pilar Project" we drank the dose in one sitting.

The meeting room was on the top floor of the building, with a spectacular panoramic view thanks to the huge glass walls that surrounded the entire place. Seated at the table were the five Directors of the Institute, among them Dr. Clara, whom I considered to be my mentor. Thanks to her, the opportunity to dream of developing the Project had been possible. Without her support I'd never have the courage to consider it, nor have the time to dedicate to the work. Let alone present it to the Directors.

"Good morning, Ana. Are they ready for me yet?" The secretary to the CEO, Dr. Serrano, seemed to take a minute to shift her attention from her computer screen to me "Ready...?" she was distant, still focused on whatever she was doing "Oh yes, sure. Sorry. Follow me, Dr." I followed her across the antechamber that divided the space between Dr. Serrano's office and the adjacent meeting room. From where I stood, I was able to catch a glimpse of what she'd been so entertained with. On her Google search tab was the name "Damian A."

I wondered if that'd be the name of the mystery investor and if he was as full of himself as I imagined this type of person to be. Someone who believed that everything was for sale, as long as the price was right. Running my thumbs over the sides of my nose, I tried to calm down. Fatigue had made me grumpy. Better wait to make the judgments after the meeting. I should give this so-called Damian a chance. Who knows, there was a chance he'd turn up to be a good guy. Following Ana towards the presentation that would be the point of no return in my entire professional life, I mentally recited one last time the key points of the presentation, which at that moment had already become practically a mantra in my mind. The door to the meeting room was imposing, tall, made of dark mahogany carved with different animals forming a frame around it. It was said to have belonged to Dr. Serrano's grandfather's farm house, where the family wealth first emerged. The old integrated into the modern design of the glass walls gave the place an effect of continuity. History preserved in the midst of evolution and the passage of time. The sunlight came through the windows highlighting the dust particles that hovered in the air, reaching the miscellany of beings that ornamented the wood.

My gaze lingered for a second on the figures, interrupted by the sudden opening of the door "Good morning, gentlemen. Dr. Clara, Dr. Serrano" Ana made a brief shake with her head "Ah, Ana, good morning. Yes, yes. Let her in" his imposing voice reverberated out the room. The secretary indicated the passage with one hand and made to return to her post "Now it's up to you" she whispered as she walked away..

One last deep breath. I had to remind myself to inhale through the nose and release through the mouth. As I took my first step into the room, I was struck by the feeling that from now on my life would no longer be the same, regardless of the outcome of the meeting. There would be a "me" from before and a new "me" after. A brand new "me". For a moment the brightness of the room blinded my vision and when I could finally focus my gaze again I identified the five Directors present. Seated side by side, clockwise were Dr. Clara, Academic Director and head of the Neurodevelopmental Sector, Dr. Serrano, Executive Director, founder and major owner, Dr. Alan, Technical Director, Dr. Marco Director of Production and Dr. Celeste, Director of the Clinical Staff. Of all the times I have met with them, this was the only time when the tension was unapologetically palpable in the environment. Not that the atmosphere used to be what one'd call 'relaxed', but it always had a more informal dynamic. Was there a possibility that the Directors could also be nervous...? If so, well, that was just what I needed right now. I rolled my eyes and came forward.

He was standing directly in front of me. It was impossible not to come face to face with his figure. Damian. At that moment it became clear that the reason for all the tension and formality was linked to his presence. He seemed to emanate a mesmerizing but at the same time intimidating energy. Suddenly, I felt like I had become this small, fragile being and felt totally exposed. Ugh, being obnoxious. As if I needed this additional to my nerves. It was true that the Project was practically pre-approved, but there was still this formal stage to complete and that alone was enough to stir me up. A chill made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and I wondered if it had always been this cold. I crossed my arms to warm up and thanked Damian for making my day even harder, mentally cursing him for it.

Damian raised his head interrupting the reading of a document held in his hands and laid it on the table. He had his fingers tattooed, as well as the entire back of his right hand. The tattoo seemed to go up his forearm, but his shirt prevented me from being sure. I imagined that he'd be in his late 30s, maybe had a few gray strands in his wavy hair that reached his shoulder and in his full beard. His hair was a light brown that seemed to be ginger when exposed directly to light. His eyebrows were thick, forming a sort of frame to his eyes. His jaw was strong and angled, with a permanent sarcastic smile on his lips. Basically, a menacing figure. He differed from all the Directors, both in terms of age, posture and well... the tattoos. Which, by the way, were somewhat aggressive. I immediately felt my irritation grow. This guy must be a playboy who never worked a day in his life. He must be some heir who is bored and looking for somewhere to spend his money. As if all this was nothing more than a game, a hobby.

I bit my tongue to avoid showing my disgust. How wonderful it was. Like if I didn't have enough things to do, now I'd have to babysit a playboy. Armed with all the pride and arrogance I had at my disposal, I held my head up and tried not to let it get to me. He fixed his eyes in my direction as if looking right into my very essence, the sun forming a halo around him, giving a sort of divine vibe. Surprised by the intensity I paused when I met his eyes, a sigh escaping my lips. There was something like interest reflected in them. Or was it my imagination? Had the sleep deprivation started to cause hallucinations? I shook my head. His discreetly almond-shaped eyes continued to stare at mine, the color a mixture of brown tending to a deep dark green, without being either of them. He had no reason to look at me that way, or pay attention to me in any regard that was not related to the investment proposal. Even so, a chill ran through my whole body and I involuntarily felt eager for him to be interested in that way. To be interested despite my research. I noticed that Damian kept analyzing me from top to bottom as he raised an eyebrow, accompanied by a half-smile on the side, mischievous. From where he stood, none of the presents except for myself could notice it. Approval danced on his face and I felt myself being transported into a kind of trance. But before I could let go of all my wits and totally forget all about my objective, I quickly turned to close the door behind me, breaking the spell.

"Good morning, Doctors," my voice came out a little shaky "Welcome! Come in, come in. We were looking forward to your arrival" Dr. Clara's high-pitched, excited voice resounded, her hand pointing to the edge of the table across the room where the laptop and projector were ready for me. She got up from where she was sitting, coming towards me. When she got very close to me, she said in a whisper "Everything will be fine, honey. It's practically approved" resting a hand on my shoulder and returned to her seat. As if that was his cue, Dr. Serrano started the meeting "In addition to the usual participation of the Board" he paused, clearing his throat and I wondered how many cigars should this man smoke in a day as he took the glass of water in front of him and drank a generous sip. He was somewhere in his sixties, with gray hair and a thick mustache yellowed by smoking. He had a rounded face with some prominent wrinkles, his skin discreetly dry with some areas of flaking and a very pink color. It came with an arched nose in which it was possible to notice some small blood vessels that formed in the place. His image evoked a sense of reverence, but at the same time there was something paternal about it.

"Today we have the presence of a guest" Dr. Serrano nodded: "Mr. D..." Before he could finish, a deep, rumbling voice interrupted the Director "Allow me to introduce myself. Nothing fairer for a crasher, don't you think?" he said, getting up from his chair, turning his body to those present, one by one, offering a kind look. Finally, he stopped towards me, his hands resting on the table with his torso slightly tilted forward. My attention slipped to the rose tattooed on the back of his right hand. Its petals looked intricate, spikes circling around the fist as if forming a sort of handcuff. Then, I noticed the cufflinks on his shirt. They looked expensive and refined. Right there and then I decided that Damian was a vain man.

Heavens, my heart leapt in my chest as I also noticed that that man seemed to be the embodiment of all kinds of reckless decisions that a woman could make and yet, one would do it happily without giving a damn about the consequences. Accompanied by a shy laugh that did not reach his figure, he continued "I apologize for my sudden appearance. My name is Damian Augustus, the Third. I'm a Research and Development Consultant" he adjusted his tie. It was a dark shade of navy blue, funny printed with elephants balancing on balls. I couldn't help but thinking that he was a rather peculiar person "I came with two purposes, if the Pilar Project is as promising as everyone here tells me it is: to add a small capital to the research and to offer my services to the Team" from this angle I could easily see his broad and well-groomed shoulders. Surely he must spend an hour or two of his day at the gym. Despite his tall and strong appearance, he was not what we usually imagine as a fitness stereotype. His back was broad and his chest, muscular. The suit did little to hide his shapely designed arms and legs. However, there was that extra layer of fat, suggesting that he didn't deprive himself of a few good drinks and definitely didn't stop enjoying good food. God, how sexy that made him. I had to admit as I immediately scolded myself for it. The whole figure propagated a sort of provocative energy. His presence seemed to take over the environment, making the space feel smaller than it actually was. Damian was magnetic. As if everyone present there orbited around his presence.

"Of course, it's a pleasure to have you" my lips seemed to have been glued together and my brain, unable to form any more complex thoughts. What-the-fuck -am-I-doing? I need to compose myself. There was no time for this kind of behavior. I decided to give myself a quick motivational speech to try and snap out of it. So I repeatedly said to myself "I can do it. I am a prepared, capable professional and I have been planning this day for at least six months. One more member in the audience doesn't change anything. Just follow as rehearsed and everything will be fine" I had to calm the beating of my heart that now reverberated in my ears. With all my wits I managed to briefly present myself and co-workers "I am the creator of the Pilar Project and I am here as a representative of the entire team that embarked on this journey with me and dedicated themselves to making this presentation possible" despite that, Damian didn't seem satisfied with my introduction since he stepped in and said in a solemn tone "I've done my homework and I believe I know everything there is to know about your professional merits. Also, the doctors here were kind enough to present me with the idea for your brilliant Project beforehand. Innovative and ambitious indeed, I must say" my hands were sweating with nervousness, however, when he finished speaking and our gazes met again, his face had a friendly and welcoming expression, completely contradictory to his appearance. Strangely enough, it made me feel serene. As if encouraging me to go on "It's not one of those pretentious businesses that claim to be innovative, but in reality are nothing more than a coveted idea of what's trending at the moment. It is unusual for an investment proposal to catch my attention so much. That said, I'd have no reason to come here if I didn't believe in your expertise and commitment. It'd be a waste of time. The real question here is: who are you?".