Caelum University

I started my Saturday like any other. Get up, put on my running gear, pack my stuff and leave the house. Thank God, I have my own car. I just have to get through the last weekend of summer break then I can get out of here.

Tomorrow, I was going to university in Northern Washington, Caelum University. Maybe not the biggest or best university, but the school just called to me and honestly the further I get from “home” the better.

As I pull up to the river, I can’t help but think about how nice it will be to be surronded by the woods. Caelum has extensive nature preserves surrounding it. Here in Wynoming, I always struggle to find good running paths or just places I can sit and study in peace surronded by trees. Running along the river at least gives me some peace, but I’m not surronded by the lush forest I crave.

Home is far from peaceful. It doesn’t matter that I am a top student, volunteer, and play varisty sports. My parents only care for my younger sister.

She’s two years younger and the center of my parents’ universe. I’m just not a part of their dynamic. It doesn’t help that I only have my mom’s green eyes. Nicole has our parent’s straight, blonde hair and olive skin with our Dad’s blue eyes. My brown curls and easy tan do not match their perfect picture.

I always felt like the odd one out, but since I apparently ruined her life in middle school I have been pushed aside completely, I was warned to stay FAR away in highschool and its only gotten worse. Running is my escape. I run my path, go to work, study in my room and avoid Nicole as much as I can. I’m grateful I at least have Elizabeth. Since freshman year, she has been my rock. Having moved to Wynoming, from the Seatle area for her dad’s job, she only knew me as Alex, not Nicole’s nasty older sister. Since she sat next to me for home room that first day, we’ve been inseperable.

She is my defender. After years of being told I was always the issue, I didn’t have much fight left. That was Elizabeth’s speciality though. She kept Nicole and her hateful hag friends at bay so at least I had some peace at school.

We’re going to Caelum together. I don’t even know if I’d have found it if she hadn’t shown me their website. She really missed her extended family there and I was just grateful to leave this place with her.

Yes, I never went hungry, but I also was never hugged. Our parents showered their love on Nicole but never found me worthy. Elizabeth and her family were my family and I was excited to make a new home in Washington with her.

I wanted to feel worthy. Elizabeth made me feel worthy. I wanted to prove that I could get out from underneath my family’s shame. I needed to find other people that made me feel that I had something to offer. I wanted to know what it was like to be part of a family that I contributed to and was appreciated by.

As I finished my run back to my car, I decided I should swing by the diner on my way home. I wanted to check in with Elizabeth and I knew she had a shift today.

My parents knew I was moving out tomorrow, but they didn’t bother to ask where and I didn’t plan on telling them. With my acceptance to Caelum, I’d been offered a full scholarship. There was no way I was turning that down. I finally would have my freedom.

The diner that Elizabeth’s mom, Gloria, ran and Elizabeth and I worked at paid for my little PT cruiser and some meager savings. I wanted to be sure once I left, that I would never have to rely on my parents again. Once we got to Caelum, I’d have to find a job there but Gloria had assured me one of her sisters would give me a job in town.

As I pulled up to the diner, I took a deep breathe knowing that soon I wouldn’t be able to run here for a motherly hug and snack. Leaving Gloria behind would be tough, but with how close she was with her daughter I knew she would visit often.

The second I opened the diner door, I was engulfed in a hug. Gloria was a big hugger, and I loved it. I could smell the butter and seasonings on her from cooking all day. It made my stomach grumble.

“Alex! Sweetie, I’m so glad you stopped by! Elizabeth is busy with her tables, but why don’t you sit down? You look like you could use some post run carbs!” Gloria chuckled as she walked away, knowing I’d follow her and take a seat at the counter top.

Soon a huge cheeseburger with homecut fries was sitting in front of me along with big glass of ice water and some cold brew coffee. Gloria smiled as she placed the glasses in front of me.

“Ready for the big move?? I cannot believe my girls are leaving me already! I’m going to be so lonely without you two! How will I replace my best waitresses?”

I knew she’d miss us, but her husband, Damien, would never let her be lonely. They gave me hope that I could find a guy that would love me just as I was some day. Elizabeth and I often caught them cuddling or kissing like teenagers. They were still so in love, even after 3 kids and 20 years of marriage.

“The twins are old enough to help you here and we both know you’ll visit all the time. Just think of it as an excuse to visit your family more!”

Gloria smiled as she thought of visiting, but still had sadness in her eyes.

“I know you won’t want to come back, but know you always have a home here with Elizabeth, the boys and me. We love you.”

I grabbed her hand and I assured her “I know. I love you guys too. I just need to be away from here for now, but that doesn’t mean I’m leaving forever.”

I could tell she didn’t fully believe me, but let it be as she returned to her sacred kitchen to let me enjoy my meal.

As I polished off my burger, Elizabeth ran up and gave my arm a squeeze.

“Can you believe we are leaving tomorrow?! I can NOT wait to get there. I’m sure we’ll meet some hunky guys!!” She wagged her eyebrows at me as I laughed.

Although we both had gone on a few dates with some guys from school, neither of us had much experience with dating. Especially since Nicole started at our highschool in our Junior year, we made it a point to avoid any guys that drooled over her, which felt like the majority. The double D’s she’d had since 7th grade and perfectly done make up got her all the attention, and honestly I didn’t care. I didn’t need some hormonal guy who only wanted my body.

I was saving myself for someone special. Elizabeth teased me about it, but I knew she was doing the same thing.

“You know I’m more excited for classes, but I promise I will go out with you to meet people too!”

“Alex! Not only will next weekend be our first weekend away from home but it will be welcome week AND your birthday is Saturday! You have to let me take you out to meet people! We can worry about classes after that. No one does anything the first week anyways!”

I knew I was going to lose this battle so I left it alone and promised I would go to the welcome week parties with her. I knew we would have a great time, but I wasn’t as outgoing as her. I didn’t have that natural ability to make friends like her. Maybe it was the years of being secluded by my sister or the fact I rarely went out for fear of Nicole’s wrath, but either way I was worried I wouldn’t be able to keep up with Elizabeth.

She was my best friend though and I needed to trust her, instead of letting my fears take over.

Just before Elizabeth headed back to work, I confirmed tomorrow’s plan. It was going to be a 13 hour drive to get to Caelum so we planned to leave at 6am in my PT. Gloria’s sister, Naomie, and her family lived in a community just 10 minutes from campus so we planned to stay there tomorrow night then get settled into our dorm room on Monday. I hoped they were as welcoming as Gloria and Damien because I would love to have some people close by that I could rely on.

I hopped in my car and started the 5 minute drive home, listing in my head the few things I had to finish doing tonight.

Pulling up to my family’s bungalow always filled me with dread and today was no different. I put my PT into park across the street and trudged up the driveway, hyping myself up in my head.

As soon as I opened the door, I was greeted by Nicole’s whiny voice, yelling from down the hall.

“Alex! Where have you been? Have you finished packing yet? I need to start measuring your room!”

As I took off my runners and headed towards my room, I mumbled my response.

“I’m almost done. Why do you care? Aren’t mom and dad leaving it as a guest room?”

Part of me was still holding onto hope my parents would want me to come home and visit, but I should have known better.

Nicole’s head popped out of her bedroom as I made it to my door. With a smirk, she leaned against her door frame.

“You really thought that? We rarely have guests so I convinced them it would make way more sense to turn it into a home theatre! They even promised me, we would get leather recliners and a mini fridge!”

I chuckled at myself for being so naive. “Of course. Makes total sense. You’ll be able to start tomorrow.”

“Can’t you finish tonight? I want to get started right away! I already told the girls and we are planning a huge movie night as soon as its remodelled.”

“Sorry, but I’ll be packing the PT till late tonight and I’m picking up Elizabeth at 6. You’ll have it then.”

“Ugh. You just love ruining my plans. Thank God you leave tomorrow. Make sure you don’t leave any of your nerdy shit in the room or I’ll have to get cleaners to throw it away.”

With that, she slammed her door shut and I made my way into my bedroom. Looking around my mostly packed room, I felt some sadness for leaving but mostly I was excited. Finally, I would be away from this place and be able to define myself by my own terms.

An hour later, I heard the front door open and knew my parents had gotten home. I knew they would leave me to finish packing until dinner so I kept my head down and kept sorting my clothes.

Just after 6, I heard my mom holler at Nicole that dinner was ready. Knowing this was my final chance for a conversation about leaving, I got up and headed to the kitchen.

Dad was already sitting at the head of the table with a huge helping of meatloaf and salad in front of him. I saw his fist clench a little tighter around his knife as I walked in and he made eye contact with me. Nicole was already sitting to his left and didn’t even look up from her phone as I entered.

Mom came to the table carrying a freshly opened bottle of wine, probably not her first of the evening and plunked down in her chair. She topped off her glass and looked at my father to start eating.

I silently grabbed a plate, sat down and hoped they would bring up me leaving tomorrow. Serving my salad and then offering it to Nicole, I asked, “how were your days?”

Nicole snapped back “mine would have been better if you finished packing already.”

My father just rolled his eyes. “Princess, she is leaving tomorrow. I promise you we’ll have the movie room done for your party.”

Well at least he acknowledged I was leaving. I wondered aloud, “I’m leaving at 5:50 tomorrow morning. Will anybody be getting up to say goodbye?”

My mom just scoffed. “Alex, that is an insane hour to get up on a Sunday. We will say our good byes after dinner.”

Holding in my sadness, I nodded and ate my food. Once I was finished, I put my dishes away and faced my family.

“Well, I’ll let you know when I arrive. Hopefully I can come home for Christmas.”

Dad just looked at me blankly. “Drive safe. We aren’t sure of our Christmas plans yet but we will let you know.”

My mom chipped in “Colleges these days are full of delinquents. Avoid them and pay attention to school so you can get a good job. We can’t support you forever.”

Defeated, my shoulders sagged and I left the room knowing Nicole had no intention of saying goodbye. I crawlled into my bed, hugging myself and hoping Caelum was everything I hoped for.