Random

The rain poured relentlessly over the city, sending a rush of water into the gutter. The sound of hurried footsteps echoed through the narrow alleys. People running, clutching their jackets and coats, seeking warmth beneath a dimly lit shelter.

Thunder rumbled, and lightning tore through the gray, dark sky. A raw cry from heaven itself. The city trembled, but amid the rush, she sat by her window, and the glass was covered with rain.

Pen trembling over the paper, she doesn't know what the perfect word was or where she should begin. The ink lingered at the tip as if waiting for her courage to spill.

She stared out at the raging rain beyond her window, where thunder roared and lightning split the sky in two.

The vast, painted in black sky met her amber eyes. A reflection of everything she felt and couldn't say.

"Lailani, are you good? Why are you crying?" her friend asked, who had answered her call.

"I... I'm not Shane, I'm not," Her voice cracked over the speaker as she spoke, like the storm outside — trembling, fragile, and felt endless.

It's as if heaven felt her pain and sympathized with her most profound feelings. Every roar of thunder was a thousand needles that stabbed her heart and left it shattering in a thousand pieces.

"I write to forget," she choked out, her fingers gripping the pen. "But the ink remembers more than I do,"

Tears slipped down her cheeks, falling onto the paper, leaving a dark spot.

"Lai..." Shane's voice softened, "You've got to let yourself heal."

A soft laugh escaped to Lailani's lips. Almost everyone she knows says it, that she needs to move on as time heals. But... "Not for me, Shane. This is not just a simple wound that heals fast when you stitch or clean. I need a lot of time, months, or years."

She let out a deep sigh and wiped her tears, sniffed, and looked at the picture on her table.

"I'm coming to you, Lai. Wait for me there," Shane said. She's worried to her friend that she might do something Lailani could regret.

"No, Shane... Uhm... I'm fine. I need to hear someone's voice. Bye," she didn't wait for her friend to say goodbye. She hit the end of the call and started to move her hand to write again.

Her hand trembled, but she kept going.

*/ I don't know who I am writing for. If this is for you or for me to ease the pain, the day I heard the news that you left me.

I remember what you said before you left. You'll be back before the wet season starts, so we can have a hot chocolate in bed while you're telling me what happened to your mission. And yes, you kept your promise to come back before the monsoon, but... You came back in a coffin.

How can you tell me about it when you come home with a coffin? And all I have right now is your... ashes.

You were gone for two weeks, but... You came back lifeless.

She dropped her pen; she couldn't control her tears like a rushing river until she fell asleep.

For Lailani, each day replays the moment he left, frozen in the endlessness of loss, as if time itself had stopped.

She hugs his jacket tightly, his smell still lingering on the fabric, which has a vanilla scent. She felt like he was still there, hugging her back, which gave her warmth.

The phone buzzed, interrupting her imagination of him. She went back to her senses and looked at the phone, and saw her best friend Shane's name on the screen.

*/I'm coming! Let's grab some beer! 🍻

*/I know you're not busy, stop what you were thinking!

*/I miss you a lot 😘!

She forgot that she had friends and family waiting for her. She forgot that she's not alone. But this is the way she mourned for her husband.

"It's okay if I go out. Maybe I really need to, and I have to."

She let out a deep sigh and got up on her bed. She realizes that maybe she really needs someone to rely on. A little escape and accept that he's gone and will never be back in this lifetime.

Shane came, and they went to the restaurant they used to go to. Happy memories were there; it was alive in her mind. The memories no one can replace, the memories of their first date.

She laughs, remembering how weird their first date was at this place—restobar. Suddenly, the memory flashes in her mind when her eyes settle on the stage, seeing him dancing with her while singing their favorite song: Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley

"I remember you and Jackson dancing like the two of you are the only people here," Shane chuckled.

Lailani chuckled softly and wiped her tears. Shane is the person who has seen how their love blooms and grows for the past three years.

"Thank you for bringing me here," she whispered.

"My pleasure! What are friends for, Lai? If I let you drown yourself by mourning with Jackson?" Shane paused, "It's okay to feel what you are feeling right now, and I know Jackson doesn't want to see you like that."

She nodded, "I know, especially since I'm pregnant."

Shane spat the vodka that she was drinking and almost choked.

"My god! Let's go home! You should have said it to me earlier!" Shane shouted and immediately grabbed Lailani and her bag.

She took a pregnancy test the night before and found out she's pregnant. A little angel, her husband, left him; unfortunately, he couldn't see his child.

Lailani has taken care of herself since then; she always tells her baby a story about her father and his battles on the field. One night, she looked at the window and grabbed her pen and paper. It was still raining like the night she tried to write a letter.

*/I wrote at night, but it gave me silence. I spoke to the stars, but they turned their faces away. The rain speaks softly; only the broken hearts can hear. Each drop is a memory, and each thunders the pain no one sees. My heart became a room of echoes, and the walls learned to whisper your name.

I write to forget, but the ink remembers more than I do. The papers listened to every word I wrote but never answered. If this pain could bloom, I would become a wilted flower under the fiery skies. So I decided to write again, but not to be heard. But to remind myself that once I had something worth aching for you, my love: Jackson.

She learned to move on, not to forget but to embrace and accept that he was gone but remained engraved in her heart and soul.

— 𝙷𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚕 𝙸𝚗 𝙳𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜