Chapter 1
“Hic….hic I’m sorry dad…Hic…”
My palms were covered in flour and raw egg yolk, the tiled floor a mess of ingredients piled on top of one another and creating stains that would no doubt be a nightmare to clean up later.
Dad was wheezing, his distraught expression softening as he took in the sight before him. I was 12 years old and his birthday was in 3 hours. I had snuck out of my room with a pink sheet of paper, the recipe for a chocolate cake, scribbled on it in glittery blue gel. The plan was to make it before sunrise and have it displayed on the dining room table for him to see when he woke up.
But one small mistake led to another and with a loud crash, I had ruined the surprise and gotten hurt in the process.
The divorce was two months ago. He’d been drowning his sorrows in work and alcohol, never violent, but never fully awake either.
“Okay okay…shh come on.” He scooped me up, carefully stepping over the broken plate and scattered shards.
“I ruined your surprise…”
“No, don’t say that. It was an accident, darling.” He ventured down the hall and into the bathroom where he found a first aide behind the mirror.
I sat on his lap, sniffling as he checked for any glass in the open cuts then disinfected them and covered my forearm in gauze. His movements were slow, hands trembling even though I had been the one hurt. It was heart-wrenching to see. It was precisely why I wanted to do something to lift his spirits.
“Deep breaths. Head up,” He says as his knuckle gently nudges my chin up and I swallow thickly, “Now, why don’t you tell me what happened?”
“I wanted to make you a birthday cake…so you’d have something to look forward to tomorrow,” I explained.
“Lorraine-”
“It’s not fair…hic…she’s the one who left so why is she doing fine and you’re not?” I rubbed at my eyes firmly, “I see her all over magazines, smiling like she didn’t hurt us, like she didn’t hurt you. She won’t even let me see miles, dad, it’s not-”
And the tears resurfaced. I couldn’t stop them, couldn’t keep pretending our family wasn’t ruined, couldn’t stand seeing his scars
“Please don’t leave me dad! Please don’t die!” I hiccuped. I think something in him broke that day. Because he pulled me into a hug so tight, I swear his hands stopped shaking.
Then he whispered,“I’m sorry, dad’s so sorry. I’m not going anywhere. I swear I’ll fix this.”
And that’s what he did. He went to therapy, he made business proposals, sponsored rising stars, and put the alcohol away. His story drew in support from across the city and before we knew it, our life had regained some semblance of normality. Naturally, he offered the fruits of his labor to me, insisting I deserved a life of luxury, nothing less. It was overwhelming for sure, but if he was happy I was happy.
Or so I thought.
Wealth and fame aside, I started noticing that a part of me felt incomplete. Like something was missing from this seemingly perfect life of mine. My friends and his family made for wonderful companions I assure you. But I craved more, Someone beyond a platonic relationship. My age was slowly starting to become more serious by the year and before I knew it, I was developing an irrational fear of growing old alone.
Arranged marriages weren’t my thing, neither were blind dates. If I was going to pursue someone with the intent to marry, it was going to be by my rules.
That’s when I met him. The man that would break my heart
—
Present day
35 days until Christmas
“Are you sure about this Lori? I can be down there in half an hour if you just give me the word.”
“You will do no such thing. What kind of woman would I be if I had my little brother fight my battles?” I spoke into my phone as I marched down the sidewalk, my heels crunching against the bits of rock salt biting away at the snow from last night.
“A smart one. If the asshole tries to swing at you, what then?” I can hear him pacing on the other end.
“Give me a break. Jonah is a lot of things but violent isn’t one of them.”
Surprisingly enough.
“Just because he’s a coward, doesn’t mean he won’t do anything rash. I’m serious Lori, be careful.”
I sigh as I stop in front of the glass doors leading to the lobby of the penthouse. “I will. I’m heading in now.”
And with that, I put an end to the call, bracing myself for the inevitable. I learned of his infidelity last week while out with some friends. I had my back to the glass window of the restaurant when one of them pointed him out, walking down the block with an unfamiliar woman at his side, arms locked together. He didn’t have any sisters, just brothers he’d never stop complaining about.
His mother was in the picture but not nearly as young as she was. Friend maybe? That theory went out the window when they stopped at a crosswalk and he leaned down to give her a loving peck on the lips.
The reality of what I had witnessed was like a knife to the heart. A nauseating feeling overcame me and I had to retreat to the bathroom to avoid making a fool of myself at the table.
I spent the rest of the week bedridden, my mind at war on what I should do. We’d been engaged for a whole month. Our families had given their blessings, we were prepared to settle down so why?
Why throw it all away? Why carelessly prance around with her on his arm? Did he have no shame?
At that moment, a terrible memory resurfaced. My father loved a woman once. He gave her all he had to offer, saw her at her lowest and even then, she still chose someone else over him.
My mother had gone off with a man who promised her the world and a chance at the fame she so selfishly desired, taking half my father’s fortune with her after months of lies and deceit. It dawned on me right there, the truth behind what our marriage would mean. His business and my father’s. Jackpot.
I’ve made a lot of dumb decisions growing up, some harder to forget than most. But this by far, cut the deepest.
“Lori there you are! God, I’ve been trying to call you all night.”
His long strides ate up the distance between us in a matter of seconds, hands reaching out to take hold of my arms.
And goddamit I let him. Not out of helplessness, but to see if even a sliver of the man I loved was still there. He wasn’t.
The moment his hands latched onto my sleeves, I felt sick. He probably held her just like this, whispered gentle words into her ear and assured her that what they had was real.
Sick bastard
“Lori…hey, sweetheart look at me. Look at me please, don’t cry.”
Why is this happening again?
Tears burned behind my eyes as I shrugged his hands off and took a shuddering breath. “I want you out of here by tomorrow afternoon.”
“Lor-”
“I’ve already contacted my lawyer, I don’t want you anywhere near me. Consider this engagement over.”
His brows pinched together, mouth dropping into a frown. Any hint of gentleness, gone.
There he is
“For pete’s sake, what’s gotten into you? After the hell I went through trying to find you when you ran off? the work I dropped to come here when you said you were coming back.” He turned away and rubbed his face with his hands.
“You didn’t have to-”
“Of course I had to!”
I flinched. He never raises his voice.
“Do you even realize the pressure I’ve been under since you left? The questions I’ve been asked? Your father damn near called the police and you expect me not to rush over here? Not to be frustrated that instead of talking things out, you run away?
“Talk things out? Are you fucking kidding me? You think I’d want to talk things out after I caught you with someone else?
“Yes! What about that is so difficult to comprehend? We’re both adults here,” he continued.
“Yet only one of us seems to have the decency not to go around sleeping with someone they’re not engaged to.”
“We didn’t sleep together, you have no proof that anything even happened between us-”
“My friends saw you!” I snap, “I saw you. I watched you kiss that woman and look at her like she meant something to you. Three years, Jonah, threw years of my life with you and still you have the balls to stand here and lie to my face!”
A moment of silence stretched out between us. My nails dug into my palm to hide the fact that I was trembling.
“Get out of my face…or so help me.”
I took a cautious step back then turned away. My feet carried me down the stairs, out the door and onto the crowded block.
I was tripping over myself, my vision blurred by more tears as I moved with a sense of urgency that had my heart beating so fast it hurt. He’ll be gone soon…it was over
—
When I came to, I found myself sitting on a bench in an open park, a tall brightly lit tree stood in the center surrounded by tourists and a families.
Miles is going to be livid when I tell him he yelled at me. I don’t even want to think about how my father would react.
“Excuse me?”
I winced. My head was still throbbing from my breakdown and I was honestly not in the mood to entertain whoever just approached me. Nevertheless, I turned to the source of the sound and much to my surprise, I sat face-to-face with a child.
He was dressed in a puffy blue coat and jeans, his cheeks flushed, no doubt from the cold.
“Do you have a dollar?”
“A dollar?” I raised a brow.
He sniffled and turned on the bench to fully face me. “I have to get on the bus. That one right there.” he points to a bus stop where a few shoppers were patiently waiting.
This can’t be real
“Honey, how old are you?” I ask carefully.
“I’m 10 years old.”
“And your parents? Are they not with you?”
He shakes his head. Wonderful. I’d like to have a word with whatever sorry excuse of a guardian left this poor baby on their own.
“Alright. Listen, let’s go somewhere warm first okay? The bus is useless if you don’t know where you’re going.” I stand up and hold out a hand. He takes it without a second thought. The action made me smile a little but also mentally cringe at his lack of caution.
“What’s your name?”
“Theodore.”
“Theodore? That’s a lovely name.”
“What’s yours?” He asks, followed by a small sneeze.
“Lorraine. But you can call me Lori.”
“Can we get hot coco, Lori?”
“Hot coco? It’s a bit late for sugar don’t you think?”
“Please?”
I sigh and spot a cdonalds across the street. “Alright. Hot chocolate it is.”
Shortly after treating him to a warm cup of hot chocolate, I took him to the nearest police station and spoke to the front desk. While they ran his name through their computers, I sat in a chair off to the side with him on my lap, shaking my leg to try and rock him to sleep. The story(as he told it) is that he was out shopping with his father and older brother for early christmas gifts. I figured kids his age still believed in Santa Clause but his father might have killed that fantasy before it even fully developed. Anyway, he wandered off while their backs were turned and wound up outside. The poor thing just kept walking around in hopes of bumping into them.
“Will you wake me up when my dad gets here…?” he mumbled into my chest as he sniffled and wiped his nose against the fabric of my coat.
“Yeah, I’ll make sure you don’t miss him. Get some sleep.” I pat his back, exhaustion grabbing hold of me as well.
An hour later, Someone came bursting through the doors, snapping me out of my drowsy state.
“Theo, hey bud, wake up.” I mumble, my words slurred as I blinked away the fatigue.
“Right over here, sir.” An officer walked him over to us.
Theodore clung onto me as I stood up with him in my arms, a soft groan escaping him.
The man looked winded, his dark hair tousled, chest rising and falling quickly. Behind him was a boy, a teenager. He looked just as shaken up.
“Thank god. I don’t know how to thank you enough for bringing him here.” He held his hands out and I carefully pried Theodore’s hands off me so I could hand him over.
“I took my eyes off him for a second and--”
“It’s okay,’ I cut him off gently, “he’s okay.”
His eyes showed a flicker of relief and suddenly, he deflated. The man was about 5-6 inches taller than me when he was standing up right. Now he was within eye level, shoulders slumped over and all the worry slowly seeped out of his body as he let it sink in. His son was safe.
It was a pleasant sight.
Good job Lorainne…
“Miss?” his voice snapped me out of my train of thought, “If you don’t mind me asking. What’s your name?” he straightened up, the other boy moving to the front desk to speak to the officer and get things settled.
“Lorraine.”
“Lorraine?” he adjusted theodore against his side, his brows furrowed in thought. “Your father wouldn’t happen to be Ian-”
“Spencer, yes.”
His eyes showed a hint of amusement. “What are the odds? Meeting you here like this.”
“Yeah. small world.” I returned his smile with my own, though it was a bit weak. My body was killing me.
“Dad, we’re good to go.” The boy from earlier patted his back and nodded towards the door.
“Wait for me in the car, Connor. Take your brother.” He handed the sleeping boy to the oldest and I watched as he gave me a cautious look before stepping out into the cold.
“Your other son?”
“Oldest, yes. He has a lot he’d like to get off his mind when we get home, I’m sure. Truthfully, I’m at fault for all of this. I was too caught up in our shopping to notice Theodore had slipped away.”
“I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt since you’re the only one watching them.”
He rubbed the back of his neck, his voice softening just a fraction. “Thank you.”
Then he adds, “will you be alright on your own?”
“Excuse me?”
“You look…”
Like you’ve been crying
“...like you need some rest.” he finished.
I twist the silver band around my finger behind my back, the cold metal biting into my skin.
“Yeah. some rest sounds lovely.”
The conversation suddenly came to an abrupt end because Connor took it upon himself to start abusing the car horn. I don’t think the kid likes me very much. Not that we had nearly enough time for him to really know me.
He gave me his number and asked that I let him know when I arrived home safely.
“Oh! I didn’t catch your name!” I called after him as he made a bee-line for his car.
“Curtis!” he called back as he opened the door.
I didn’t think much of it when this all went down. But meeting Theodore that night, might have been a blessing in disguise.
