Chapter 1
She wore pearls that night-a delicate string clasped around her neck, glimmering in the moonlight. Her blue dress rippled in the cool breeze coming off the ocean, her hair tied back in a bun, as she sat alone on the back balcony of their property in LA. It had always been a peaceful place, but tonight, the serenity of the view did little to calm the storm inside her.
Four years. That’s how long it had been since she married him. Four years since she’d said the words that now felt like a lifetime away.Till death do us part.She let out a soft, bitter laugh under her breath. When had it all gone wrong?
Their marriage had never been simple. There were cracks from the beginning-cracks she’d carefully concealed from the world and, in many ways, from herself. Liz was always good at that. Hiding. Masking. She’d perfected the art when she was just a child, performing on stages where a plastered smile meant everything, even when tears felt like they were burning behind her eyes.
Now, at thirty-one, she still wore that mask. But it had become harder to keep it in place, especially when the only person who was supposed to know her completely seemed oblivious to the cracks forming beneath the surface.
She traced the pearls around her neck, each touch soft and deliberate.How did I get here?The question echoed in her mind, over and over again, drowning out the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. The guilt weighed heavy on her heart, but so did the emptiness.
She’d made the wrong choice. She had madethewrong choice years ago and now she was paying the price. Every decision, every step down the path she’d chosen, seemed to haunt her more now, with every breath she took.
She should have stepped back. She should have listened to her friends, who couldn’t understand why she was so infatuated with Michael when she was just a teenager. She should have seen the concern in her parents’ eyes the day she introduced him for the first time-concern that she had brushed aside like it was nothing. But it wasn’t nothing. It was a warning.
She should have known it was wrong when she started lying and sneaking around, even with the people closest to her. Michael was older, more experienced, and she had fallen headfirst into the allure of it all.
At one point, she’dlovedit-the power, the control, the illusion of the life she’d created. The glamorous lifestyle that sparkled from the outside, the one that he helped her maintain, the one she had sold to the public like it was the picture of perfection.
But power and control meant nothing when it came at the cost of her happiness. She had become a shell of a woman, her true self buried beneath the mask, hidden from the world. And worst of all, she hadsoldherself in the process, giving away parts of herself that she could never reclaim.
Liz knew she couldn’t keep doing this. She had to find her way out of the life she’d carefully constructed, the one that had become a cage.
The door creaked open behind her, and she instinctively straightened. She didn’t need to turn to know who it was. Michael had always had a quiet way about him, his presence never demanding attention but always there, looming over her.
“Liz?” His voice was soft, but there was a trace of concern in it.
She hesitated for a moment, gathering herself. The words she had rehearsed in her mind seemed to falter on her tongue.
How do I say this?
Liz inhaled deeply before finally turning to face him. He looked at her, his eyes reflecting that same softness, but she knew. She knew that underneath it, he’d never understand. Not fully.
“I need to talk to you,” she said, her voice steady though her heart raced.
Michael stepped forward and sat beside her, his brow furrowing slightly. “What’s going on?” he asked, leaning closer, his concern evident.
Liz didn’t answer right away. Instead, she glanced out at the dark horizon. The waves were endless, just like her thoughts. “I’ve been thinking... a lot,” she began, forcing herself to keep speaking. “About us. About our marriage.”
Michael’s face tightened, a flicker of something-fear, maybe-crossing his expression. “What about it?”
Liz sighed, her hand tightening around the arm of her chair. She couldn’t put it off any longer. “I want a divorce,” she said softly, the words hanging heavy in the air.
Michael stiffened, his expression freezing in disbelief. “A divorce? Liz, what are you talking about? Where is this coming from?”
His voice cracked at the edges, but Liz stood her ground. She had to. There was no other way out of this. “It’s been coming for a long time, Michael. I’ve tried to make this work. I’ve tried to fit into this life, but...” Her voice faltered, but she pushed through. “But it doesn’t feel like mine. It never has.”
He looked at her, a mix of anger and confusion in his eyes. “This is because of our age difference, isn’t it?” His voice grew sharper. “I told you from the start, I warned you-”
“I know what you said,” Liz interrupted, her voice firmer now. “But I didn’t understand then what it would really mean. I didn’t understand how much I was giving up.”
Michael shook his head, his anger giving way to something more desperate. “You’re going to throw away everything we’ve built together because you’re suddenly having doubts?”
“I’m not throwing anything away.” She looked down, her throat tightening as tears pricked the corners of her eyes. “I’m trying to save myself. I’ve spent too much of my life trying to be the person everyone expected me to be, and I can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep pretending.”
He stared at her, the weight of her words sinking in. For the first time, she saw a flicker of vulnerability in him. “I thought you were happy with me,” he said quietly.
Liz closed her eyes, letting the tears fall. “I thought I was too. But... I think I’ve been lying to both of us.”
The silence between them was heavy, only the sound of the waves filling the space. Michael looked away, his hands clenched in his lap. “You’re really serious about this?” His voice was low, almost defeated.
Liz nodded, her voice a whisper. “I am.”
The waves continued crashing as the night wore on. She thought she would feel some sort of release, some weight lifted off her shoulders now that she’d said it. But instead, all she felt was exhaustion.
She had broken the silence between them, but the real battle had only just begun.
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for
or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
to show you what I mean
I don’t know how I got this way,
I’ll never be alright
SoI’m breaking the habit
I’m breaking the habit
I’mbreaking the habit tonight.
