Innocent Feelings

The morning of the worse day of my life was also the day I met him. The fire took my parents. I was only 24 years old. How was I supposed to go on without them. I couldn’t run the bakery by myself. There were too many decisions and things to do and all I could do at the moment was cry.

I was crying so hard my chest felt tight. Breathing hurt, but I couldn’t stop. My vision was blurred by the tears that kept falling. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

I felt someone touch my shoulder and managed to raise my head. He was wearing a neutral expression, but seemed to radiate concern.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

All I could do is shake my head.

“Where are you parents? Did you get separated?” he asked.

I let out a chocked cry that didn’t sound like any form on English. Someone near by informed him that my parents were deceased.

“I am very sorry,” he said, realizing his mistake.

To be fair, there was no way of him knowing who was alive and who wasn’t. I wasn’t angry, just sad. His face came back into view and realized he had lifted my head.

“Don’t worry, we’ll help you get through this,” he said.

I didn’t have any doubt. After all he was the Fire Force Squad 7 Captain, Benimaru Shinmon. With his strength he had managed to keep most of the people safe and destroy the demon.

I heard someone say that was a merchants’ daughter. Who came to sell some of their baked goods at the festival.

“Where are the baked goods now?” he asked.

I wasn’t sure my voice would work at this point but I opened my mouth to answer him.

“They are at the inn, not far from here,” I said.

He let go of my face and barked orders to set up a stall for the goods.

“How much would they go for?” he asked me.

He seemed to think that I was going to able to function enough to charge them for the goods. How could I? These people were already suffering. My parents would never charge people in this position. Plus we always gave away the day old baked goods to the families who needed it.

I shook my head, “I couldn’t possibly charge people at this moment.”

“We appreciate that,” he said.

I managed a weak smile. My parents would have enjoyed watching people eating their pastries to feel a little bit better right now. That thought triggered another wave of uncontrolled crying and gasping for air. My chest felt so tight that I thought I might pass out.

“Hey now! Slow down your breathing,” he snapped.

He wasn’t angry but more concerned. My brain and body were trying their best to do the whole “breathing” thing. My emotions were the problem. I couldn’t focus enough on anything other than my grief.

“Look at me!” he demanded.

I snapped my head up to look at him.

“Focus on me.” he said holding my face with his hands. “Now, breath in.”

I don’t know why but I did.

“Breath out,” he said calmly.

I shakily let out a breath.

“Again,” he said releasing.

I repeated the breathing in, breathing out command. I felt the tightness in my chest wain. I was able to calm down considerably. I walked with a few of the townspeople back to the inn. I helped them gather the baked goods. Bringing them to the meeting ground that was made for the injured and lost.

Benimaru was at the center of the large gathering. He was giving his men orders and directing the human traffic. The people ahead of me slowed and motioned for me to go ahead of them. Benimaru met my eyes and chin nodded me over.

“Where would you like me to put these?” I asked.

“Over there by the entryway,” he said.

I nodded and motioned for the others to follow me. I put the box behind the little stand that was there. The other followed suit and I started unpacking the sweet bread. I put a tablecloth down on the podium. I stacked the sweet bread the way did at our bakery back home.

I noticed a group heading towards where we were and went to meet them at the door. I put on my best smile and ushered them inside. The others who were helping had made similar stacked piles in a neat line at the foot of the podium. I instructed them to take what they needed.

The hospitality was getting my mind to focus on something else. My grief put aside for the moment. I served people as my parents would have. It was almost as if Benimaru knew I needed something to do. Something that would make me feel like I was doing something good in my parents name.

By the time we finished passing out food and refreshments I was more exhausted than I had realized. I sat down and took a deep breath. I didn’t know someone was standing in front of me until I looked up. Seeing In was crotch level with the man who saved everyone.

I looked up and smiled awkwardly. He didn’t smile. He had a stern face, but not off-putting. I stood up to make things less awkward.

“Seems, that everyone is enjoying your pastries,” he said.

“Oh, that’s great,” I said. “My parents would be so happy.”

“Well, they raised a great daughter,” he said with a quick smile.

I blinked quickly. Realizing that he had given me and my parents a compliment. Just as quickly my emotions got ahold of me and I started crying again. He bent down and put an hand on my shoulder. He seemed awkward at first. He just stood there with his hand on my shoulder, keeping me company.

He seemed to realize that I was alone and that I had no one to cry to at this point.

“Just so you know, you are welcome to stay in town for as long as you need to,” he said.

To be honest, that hadn’t even crossed my mind. I had an entire carriage of items to somehow get back home to my parents…my house. It was a new normal that I would have to get used to. I didn’t think I could face going home to my family home.I couldn't fathom it.

He must have known and put his offer on the table before my grief got its talons in me. Before my heart took over and made me too numb or chaotic.