Between me and my Creator, there are no secrets

🌙 Surah At-Tawbah — 9:40

Allah tells the Prophet ﷺ and Abu Bakr (RA):

“Do not grieve; indeed, Allah is with us.”

There are feelings I have never shared. I cannot share them with everyone, and no one has ever truly noticed them. But HE is the One to whom I can tell everything I want to say.

🌙 Surah Al-Baqarah — 2:186

“And when My servants ask you concerning Me, indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me, that they may be [rightly] guided.”

Sometimes, I simply discuss everything with HIM, because:

🌙 Surah At-Talaq — 65:3

“…And upon Allah let the believers rely.”

Sometimes I think, If I had never been born, perhaps everyone’s lives would have been perfect. I swear, when I see them laughing, discussing things, participating in things, and enjoying each other’s company, it feels as though they are complete and happy without me.

Sometimes, it feels like I am the one who makes an effort to show interest in their lives, while they do not really care about mine. And whenever something goes wrong, I am the one they blame for my actions.

I have received many of the things I wanted, but sometimes you know what happens when you feel ignored? You start trying to make yourself look good, put together, and perfect.

That is me.

I just want little things that make me happy. Sometimes I want new clothes, a new style, or simply a different way to present myself to people.

I don’t want much from life. I don’t want to stay alone, and I don’t want to remain quiet all the time. But at the same time, I don’t want to be judged for expressing myself, because I know my intentions are not wrong.

Yet whenever I say something, the answer is usually NO.

🌙 Surah Al-Baqarah — 2:155–157

“We will surely test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives, and fruits. But give glad tidings to the patient—those who, when calamity strikes them, say, ‘Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return.’ They are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is they who are rightly guided.”

I just want to live my life in my own way because life has made me mature enough to understand certain things.

Allah guides me through every situation, and perhaps that is why I feel that no one can truly understand me. Of course, everyone has their own life, their own struggles, and their own worries. But sometimes, I simply need someone to understand me—to listen to me, console me, and let me feel that my feelings matter too.

I know what is right and what is wrong.

I became mature the day you all fought with each other—the day you did things in front of a child that should never have happened.

I grew up when I lost the friend who was like a sister to me.

I grew up when I became silent.

I grew up when I stopped fearing thunder and rain.

I grew up when I started living alone in a dark room.

And now, I am scared to trust people.

Somewhere inside me, that seventeen-year-old girl had turned into someone who felt thirty or forty. My mind was carrying thoughts far too heavy for my age.

It’s not that I don’t want to speak.

It’s that, after being ignored, dismissed, or undervalued for so long, I sometimes feel as though my opinions simply don’t matter.

Since I changed and became colder, life has stopped feeling exciting. Everything feels empty. Nothing feels as meaningful or interesting as it once did.

But still, in the end, it’s ME & MY RAB.

🌙 Surah Al-Baqarah — 2:155–157

“We will surely test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives, and fruits. But give glad tidings to the patient. Those who, when calamity strikes them, say, ‘Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return.’ They are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is they who are rightly guided.”

And yes, I don’t want anything else.

I just want YOU.

I want a long trip to MAKKAH.

Sometimes I feel that if I could just go there, sit in front of the Kaaba, pray, cry, and tell Allah everything that I have kept inside me, something within me would finally become peaceful.

🌙 “We know that your heart is distressed by what they say.”— Surah Al-Hijr — 15:97

Sometimes I cannot tell people that their behavior is hurting me. Sometimes they say things they believe are right, but their words cut deeper than they realize.

There are so many moments when I could reply, defend myself, or tell them exactly how I feel.

Not because I am afraid.

But because I believe there is a right time for everything.

And when that time comes, the truth will reveal itself.

Time will show them what I never said out loud.

Time will show them the things they failed to understand.

Until then, I choose silence, not because I am weak, but because sometimes silence is the only way I know to protect my peace.

And through all of it, I still have MY RAB.

Me & My Rab.