Step into my boots

I heard the gentle rumble of thunder somewhere in the distance and looked up at the sky, now completely grey. The angry clouds had come together to form a dull dark barrier, all signs of sun or light had been swallowed up. The leaves on the trees swayed gently nearby and I felt a shiver run down my spine as the cold air whistled past me.

I clamped my sweaty hands together and took a deep breath. My mind screamed at me to calm my erratic breathing, steady my pounding heart. But I didn’t need to. My breathing was slow, my heart beat so steady I could barely feel it. I felt as empty as the coke can in my hand. I looked towards the building; the ceremony would start soon.

But I didn’t want it to. I didn’t want to go in. I didn’t want to be here.

I shouldn’t be here.

Three brothers fallen boots and rifle at attention.

I didn’t want to do this. I wanted the ground to swallow me up whole there and then.

It’s my fault. I failed them.

I breathed in, and asked myself, did I do enough to save them? Would they be here if I had done more?

I didn’t need to answer, for the voices in my head were already screaming it.

They are gone because I failed them.

Looking back at the lifeless sky, I closed my eyes. Instantly, images began to form behind my eyelids. Their faces, their voices, the memories of when we met, preparing for our mission. I let my thoughts roam over the fallen. The brothers I failed to save…

Christopher, the joker, always making jokes even in the hardest of times.

Alex, the reserved one, he usually kept himself to himself, however always had bold opinions.

Matt, entertaining us with his southern twang.

Jimmy, the thinker, forever thinking.

My memories zoomed past me as if I were caught in a wind turbine, speeding at a hundred miles as hour. The images rushed by; the deployment, the travelling to assignment, hanging out in the fob, meeting my some of my fellow soldiers for the first time, the platoon sergeant’s traditional practical joke where he dropped a box of camel spiders that sent the whole squad running like little girls and resulting in the burning down of the tent. A humorous moment in the midst dark ones.

Finally, my mind came to a stop at one particular memory, the most painful one yet, I squeezed my eyes shut even tighter and allowed it to take over my senses.

The air turned hot, the coldness slipping away and leaving an almost unbearable intense heat. My eyes shot open and suddenly I was there.

The dirt road was framed by palm trees on both sides. It ran straight and seemed to disappear somewhere in the distance, I got the feeling it was never-ending. Unlike some of the destinations I had been exposed to, I could see nothing in the distance, no forests or rocks, only the dry dessert.

The sun beat down on our backs as we walked, patrolling the area by foot. I walked in the middle of the platoon, a few feet in front of me was Jack, my closest friend amongst the platoon. He had been in training with me. My eyes wondered around, noting some of my closest friends and the spots in which they walked.

I wiped the sweat from my brow, blinking through the blinding sun. The heat and humidity was unbearable, and exhaustion filled my entire body like an internal assault, never letting up. My pack felt heavy on my back; wanted so desperately to rid myself of it.

I blinked as the wind blew dust into my eyes, limiting my vision.

That’s when I heard it; the hollow thump- a mortar tube flying through the air.

“Incoming!”

Without a moment nor a thought to spare, everybody dropped.

The mortar landed with a sickening crash, exploding upon impact, instantly killing jack, his body blew backwards in a blur of smoke and blood.

I saw matt take a hit to the leg and bleed out, and then I was on my feet, weapon at the ready to defend.

That’s when we realised we were surrounded. An ambush of forty-five against our measly twenty-five. The wind blew wildly, blowing up the dust as if it were forming a bubble around us, limiting our vision to next to nothing.

Everything was moving in slow motion, yet there was no time to think, no time to evaluate, I acted only on instinct. Over the chaos I heard one of my fellow men calling Quick Reaction Force and then the shouting of “ten minutes out! Hold on!”

The whistles of bullets flying past me invaded my ears as I sent my own flying at the enemy. I stumbled forward a few steps as I felt my armour take a hit, and then another in my leg. I shifted my weight and forced myself to stay up. I fired my rifle again, two men dropped. My mind was completely blank, no thoughts could possibly be formed, my senses had been taken over by chaos. I felt the impact of a bullet skimming past my helmet, sending me down just before another mortar hits. I felt painful ache all over my body, my joints were stiff and I struggled to move. The rustic smell of blood assaulted my nostrils. Over the ringing in my ears, I heard the chaos as it unfolded around me, the sounds of bullets flying, soldiers screaming as each side delivered blow after blow, bullet after bullet. Hit after hit.

That’s when I heard the aircraft; I blinked through the dust as it angled on our shoulders, readying itself to help defend.

Thirty second to impact. I breathed in deeply, bracing myself. It was tense, quiet; and then the deafening sound as the bomb hit, shock waves shooting through my joints.

We pushed forward, now with the upper hand, the enemy started to retreat. The dust started to clear a little and I blinked, now being able to see a lot more. There was no time to think, no time to feel relieved. Orders were being thrown around.

“Get the wounded…call medivac…”

helicopters swarmed around us and began to land, blowing up the dust like a mini tornado.

Within what felt like just a mere few seconds, the wounded were all being tended to. I felt the temperature rising in my body and the adrenaline beginning to wear off, leaving me with a stinging pain in my leg where I had taken the hit.

I watched from where I had been placed on a stretcher as the medic bandaged my womb, I sat upright; watching closely. My throat felt dry, like I hadn’t had a drink in the entire year I had been here.

“Area secured!” I heard someone call. And I instantly began to relax as they loaded me into the helicopter with the fallen.

My eyes glazed over as we lifted from the ground, I slumped backwards into the wall, unable to hold myself up any longer. exhaustion took over my body; eyelids heavy. I slowly allowed myself to drift into unconsciousness.

My eyes flew open, bringing me back to present time. I sat still as stone on the bench, the sky rumbling angrily. I cleared my throat, ignoring the lump there, and rose to my feet.

I ignored the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and walked towards the building. Finally saying goodbye to the brothers we had lost.