Chapter 1
*JOSLYN*
I was 13 when my life turned upside down. Granted, there is no opportune time for a devastating, life changing event to take place, but I’m pretty sure if you were to rank phases of your life from good to bad, the phase of early adolescence would be pretty close to the worst timing.
Your body is changing. Like every day. Some ways are interesting, and some are long-awaited. But no matter what there’s at least one new area of your body that you hate every day.
Your emotions are crazy. Your boyfriend of 5 days just broke up with you for a girl he met over the weekend while he was at a soccer tournament on the other side of the country. They’re going to make the long distance thing work. He was the first boy you held hands with. Your life is over, you’ll never date again.
Everyone hates you. You think that because Audrey sat next to Chloe at lunch when there was an open seat next to you that she’s still pissed at you because you were the last one of the friend group to tell her that you liked her new shoes last week.
You’re starting to realize what a real friend is and who you can trust, and start to get a feel for who isn’t worth your energy. And you find out the hard way when that one rumor starts flying around the school.
You are increasingly aware that the world isn’t fair. That there’s fun, and beauty - that there’s scary, and ugly. That some people can do everything wrong, and get it all right. And others can do everything right, and still have it all blow up in their face. You start to see examples of how the universe doesn’t care what your plans are, because it has it’s own plans for you. You stop assuming everything will work out and realize that sometimes it doesn’t. You begin to see the different ways that life can go wrong - like really wrong. And you aren’t even aware of the all of the different ways the world is going to shape you when you start to find ways to protect yourself against it.
*7 years ago*
I sat on a concrete step outside the side door of my school building, waiting for my parents to pick me up after my soccer game against North River. The sun was long gone and it had taken all of its warmth with it and I was left with the chill of late October and the smell of dying leaves. Our game was away at a school across town, but our coach insisted on the entire team riding together on the bus from our school for team bonding, which meant the parking lot was always a traffic jam of our parent's vehicles by the time the bus dropped us off back at the school.
We won that night, of course, as my school district was known for having one of the best soccer programs in Massachusetts. And it was one of my final regular season games in the fall of my 8th grade year. One more win and we’d be playoff bound.
I picked up my phone from the ground beside me and scrolled through my text messages again to be sure there wasn’t anything from my mom or dad. The initial traffic jam in the parking lot had cleared 15 minutes ago and there was still no sight of my Dad's black SUV. I sighed when I saw that the last message in my texts was still my message to my mom – “Are you almost here?” – still showing as unread.
I locked my screen and set my phone on the ground next to me and cradled my face in my hands in boredom with my elbows propped on my legs. I heard the voices of my last 2 teammates, the Sattler sisters, as they walked out of the locker room hallway and stepped outside. Their mom's car was pulled up to the curb straight ahead of me. As they approached the waiting vehicle and passed me by they giggled about whatever gossip they were just sharing with each other and before stepping into the backseat of the car they glanced back to see me still waiting.
“Hey, Joss, need a ride?” Sarah called out to me.
I smiled and waved her off, “I’m good, my parents should be here any minute, they probably stopped somewhere –“ I trailed off as I heard hurried footsteps hitting the concrete, approaching me from behind. I turned and saw Coach Turner draw closer, with a serious and solemn expression playing on his face. A look that instantly hit me that something was wrong. I immediately worried that our rival, Butler, had won their game tonight as well and we’d be stuck playing them in the playoffs.
I wish.
My smile faded as he approached, bracing myself for bad news, “Coach?”
I didn’t stand up from my seat on the steps as he towered over me and I looked up towards the sky to meet his eyes, but he scanned the parking lot and the area surrounding us before looking back down to meet my gaze. He exhaled deeply before kneeling down to close the height gap between us.
I braced myself. Was he about to tell me he wanted me to spend extra time training to get ready for Butler?
He cleared his throat before he began, but when he spoke it was clear and direct. “I need you to come with me. I’m going to drive you to the hospital. Your parents were in an accident on their drive back from the game. We have to go right now.”
