I threw my Daughter out

No social services, nothing to protect children from their parents when the relationship goes down the drain, nothing for the children.

"Bonking happens, and that is when my son came in; he bonked me to heaven."

"My dears, everything going nicely?"

"It is going just right."

"My new man is really my son, and why should she tell me off? I am the mother, after all, and can do what I like."

Then madness followed.

"I am being modern," said Golden Mother.

Love for one's children and love for one's love, what is the difference? I respect older people and love those kids.

The Turkish legal team said it, and that is why we have the best system in the world. Famed for our Mothers. Our mothers say what is right and wrong.

But mother told me things and taught me from her actions what was wrong and what was right. She was a better example than she thought.

No, after the beatings and the doors closed, the kids must fend for themselves. It is when the kid goes down the drain. Interfering and making demands that a mother go down the drain with that, too.

To make matters worse, they seem to think they know it all. Their reason is just developing; they know everything down to the minutest detail.

Said that I would throw her out, and I did, and that is when there is nothing worse than a child who says bad words about their parents. Said it to everyone and did nothing but that.

How dare she? She disliked the thought even.

One suspects that it is a bad child.

There is no parent alive who would do such a terrible thing as to throw their child out into the street without a good reason. Well, she did have a good reason, and she did throw her out. Sheer stubbornness would never work.

“Parents alive, what to do when a mere child can chid the parents?”

Love is full of it.

People just make assumptions. She is not incompetent; she is a mother, for heaven's sake, and that child is merely five years old.

"Were you very naughty that your mother threw you out?" asked the town, which had known about Mum but never thought she would throw me out. Not for that reason.

"No, she was." Said Zeks, and she has made us the creeping eyes sound. Zeks was not yet eighteen, and she so wanted to wed. Anyone, so she could get out.

"I must..."

"Get out and away. Then out and take a ride, a hack would do. Nothing fancy, just take a ride and then ride and ride."

Funny how everything turned out, she got more trapped with Fidel than me. And her kids.

They smile at the reply, then, smelling a rat, get lost so fast.

"Airing our private affairs in public, are you satisfied now?" sniffled Gold, the horror mum.

There is usually a crowd following me, which is when I blow my top, and we have the fighting, and then my clothes are cropped and made into smaller pieces.

The adults do not interfere with their kids ' time.

It was good for them to enjoy other people's misfortunes, and then they giggle as they tell the tale, and it spreads like mushrooms and is just as poisonous.

This business happened in Cyprus and went down the whole spectrum of Europe, and then closed in England.

“Let us shake on it?”

“Let us.”

“Funny business that?”

“Very.”

“Down the hatchet.”

“Down.”

How vulnerable can I be? I have fallen down with a bump and made it happiness and laughter. There is no sadness when a child falls because they do not have to do anything but get up. Not far off, when the world is beside itself, wanting to know how far a child can fall and not die. Besides, there is not much to get up to.

Mischief, one learns not to do it when a blow happens and then what about the people who are the adults? They did not see that you are or were a child. And of course, when one is hurt, there is a hospital not far, and one should call them as soon as one can.

“We loathe you and do not care for you.”

“It is okay, sir, I am just on the point of leaving.”

“How did you find the place?”

“Needs a bit of dusting, but okay.”

“Scram, wife, come here, that kid just came and said the place needed dusting”

"Who is she to tell us we are dirty when she is a nothing, not with a roof, not with a house?"

"I love your wife."

"I don't have a wife."

"Kids not allowed, just leave. Or will level your face."

"Such a gentleman serves you right if you died tonight in bed."

"Shame on you."

That child saw this and thought they were not brother or sister, so it was right. Closed the door and went.

“Well, I have been doing the shopping today, and how dare she say that when her house has rats?”

“Vermin?”

"Ma, we shoot vermin, don't we?"

"Sure, son, now don't get too near, you may not miss."

“Yes,” he replied, but he was drawing near.

"Pa, will you stop?" Pa was also my brother, as this was the problem. We are so alike that we could have been twins and mother shagging him in front of the whole house.

"Won't. Shooting to kill is the only answer."

I started to run, and out I was from their land. The house did not ask to be born there. I was almost done for had stitches so bad.

“Little girl, come here. Do you need something in the ear?”

Ended in the neighbour's house. Disliked being so near them. Soon, the neighbour would throw me out.

She started to pull my ear. Nearly got the whole of it in one go. I needed somewhere to sleep, but was too shy to say so.

Went away inside myself and left them to enjoy. The fun part of being homeless is that when something gets embarrassing can leave.

"I can leave and can can."

“Nothing, sir.”

“Well, disappear.”

Who is this child I am seeing looking through time at me? Timed out, no link and then there is nothing there but bleakness because there are no adults to ask for the simplest advice. There was not much but to use one’s eyes to look and learn.

"I'm Gold's daughter."

"Get the shit out of here."

I turn another corner there is someone else watching me, and that makes me nervous.

It does, because this other person is so difficult and different and does not respect me at all.

I had lost all the doors leading to the right Christmas, and that mattered. Nobody taught me as a kid. I had closed the doors, closing because nothing inside me made them see anything but a future trollop.

One Christmas door would be open, but it would be the wrong door. There was nothing I liked at all.

I was going to be a trollop.

"Auntie?"

"Learn a trade," sighed Mess.

"What a trade?"

"Not the one you are thinking of. Do something interesting. Passes the time while you think about all the other nasty stuff."

"Yes, if you can do that, then there is no need to be a trollop," said Auntie Mess, very much enjoying combing my hair.

Gold did it appear? Gold and Zeks waited for the men to come and give them their Christmas and prayers. I just thought that was not well done. So mixed their shoes in the mosque.

Gold did not ask to be a mother; she just wanted to love, and whatever came her way in her own defence, she was always odd, but now she was in odder.

I am not known for my tact.

"Mum is having sex with her son."

"I only get vegetables from her, not other things."

"She always gave them for free."

Does she come over, and does she ask after you all the time?

“Who is this character who does not respect a kid?”

“She is someone I have known far longer than I care to do so.”

She lived in the middle of a forest-like hut and did manual labour, and did it best when she did it with someone else. He was my brother, and then she did it with my uncle, and then she did it much better when she did it within the bounds of proper feeling.

"How do you mean proper feelings?" Gold was shagging as she spoke.

I was not hearing right. Yes, I was. I flew into a rage when it happens they are as wild as goats and dislike them so very much.

She would bombard us with the fruits of her labour, and she did it so well, and many times we sort of belonged in the con.

“Look what I have?” Gold would come after waking herself up at 5 am, and then she did it much more likely and did it well, like a tart. Coming looking rain-washed and healthy like she had been out and around the small farm.

Mess gave me something to eat every day, three times a day. But still, I was out for more. My creed was did not know when the next meal was coming from. Lived in my tree house, tried to make it right. Kept a good house.

As a baby, I would go and take the fruit; as a much older child, I did not care for it, so I would pick the fruit myself.

It had sex in it and was never good and honest labour. Sex and labour did not enchant me.

She took it all in; there was so much to see and do, and as she tumbled and made new acquaintances and did away with convention. She threw everyone into an uproar.

“What is that child doing in our room?”

“She is worse than a pest, and unlike the animals, we can’t kill her.”

“No husband, that will never do because it is against the law.”

“I know you would not love me in prison?”

“I will try.”

“Poor child, she is homeless. I wish we did not have three of our own.”

“She can become a servant somewhere?”

“She is too young.”

“I did not let her in; she comes into every room and tries to sleep.”

“Tell her to sod off.”

“My dear, get out. You don’t know his temper.”

“Okay, Mrs, I am just going.”

I was a very nice child because I knew I had done wrong and did not want to make it worse. I could see her husband was getting violent, and I took myself off. Told the entire town she was in trouble, and when the violence took place, her husband was taken to a café where he could be healed.

“I was never told to do this, but I hated violence towards wives because I disliked their black eyes and purples underneath.”

I did not remember the house I lived in did nor remember when it all happened. My memory was sketchy because I lived in a tree. I was like Auntie Pink, who lived in the out house and did have a kitchen, but she hated company, and besides, her house had rats and smelled.

Many men and women were curious to watch a perfectly normal child, not in a house, as I was running wild. I had nothing but the clothes on my back. My head of hair, and there is nothing that means that is lost.

Meanings are lost in something, and there is no gaining an understanding of why I was a mere nothing because it did not make sense to anyone.

"What a clever child."

"Why did she bite me? Are you a dog?"

"This is a scandal. Where is your mother?"

"Fucking my brother."

"Did she just say that?"

"It is true," said someone, and they both disappeared.

Gossiping people settled on me. They said I should not be living in a tree that trees caught the wind and could blow me out. I was not a monkey, was I?

“People are talking about us because of her,” said Gold and her son, her lover and everything.

“What should I do? Where shall we do it? It is not a crime to love what harm is there in it?”

“Where is the harm that she is doing to us?”

“We are so much in love.”

The guilty party would tremble. “We must do our best.”

“We are never going to learn and earn our respectable selves.”

“We, the first family, are no longer so.”

Lost it, lost it, then be damn. There is now nothing but loss.

“We are damned socially, but do we care?”

“My misery is such that my loneliness is over, but the whole world disapproves of us.”

"Sorry, mother did not mean to make the whole world know your business."

“Where is the whole company from?”

“We are Cypriots, and we do not have a sausage.”

"Sausages are in the pants of men."

“All we have is this thought, and that thought snatched away as if ousted by demons.”

“We are all of us doing the business, and now we are caught, and we can’t do it anymore.”

“What shall we do now?” She cries in diabolical unhappiness, looking so like a child put out.

“I have fires in my belly.”

“We must not let the fires die down.”

“Mother, I will burn the whole of Cyprus to make it up to you. In fact, when I finish with Cyprus, I will burn the world.”

Her lover was across the room, blowing kisses at her. But the husband was looking at me, I was ashen and pale, and did not ask to be where I was.

I was now a nomad. Being chased round and round from place to place. I knew it was the devilish delights that I messed with. It was not my fault. So many jokers in the world, and they were always shagging.

“How can she survive all about the thoughts and feelings we did and should have? How can love be wrong?” said Gold Mother of hellish ways. I did not care to be seeking her help, but was ashamed to say I did. She was not to my liking, and I was not to hers.

“The dirty cow.” She was almost won over, and then she went to the next room and saw her son, and all was over.

“She is jealous, that is what she is.” She said to him.

“Mother, there is nothing of you left,” I said to her.

“I hate being your mum. It is dull, and you are in the way. I had a wasted life, and now this is my own.”

I left them to it and said no more. What I noticed was that nobody spoke to me at all. I was without a home, without a family, and lost it. I was a mad child, and that child was never going to school or amount to anything, was never going to be in love. So, a servant.

“Nobody liked me; I just did not understand.”

“You have no money.”

"Then if I had money, everyone would like me?"

He would charm the birds off the trees and make them happy while he killed them. That is what Gold found out: she had to ditch her husband and make off with the dream.

People?

She lived in the shadows of many women whom she did not even know existed. She was with him always, almost to the point that when he walked in, she had to throw herself at him.

"Oh, Auntie, don't, or was it sister, don't?"

When I was younger, they all thought I would be someone or something. Dad said I was nothing and did not care to be within the bounds of speaking lies.

He threw me into the sea to drown. He forgot himself soon, and the goat went for me. He was shearing them how goats can kick when just born. I did not speak, just pulled at dad.

"His giving them a haircut, dummy."

He ate the fish and went to dish the dirt, and when he had had enough, he went to his sweetheart, where he also had a baby. He had the life. His sweetheart did not leave the house in case her child was found out to have been born.

People loved me. That is when the laughter ended, and the sadness began.

Dad loved the company of women, especially women who loved him. So, he happily went to it, being handsome and wild, they all fell for him. He was a rogue who did nothing but bad. He was a bad hat.

“Rogue.”

"You don't do tricks."

"I will not be able to do. I can't caterwaul."

"Why not?"

"I am odd."

“Point of reference, one does not call one’s father rogue.”

“She has no respect. She has lost respect for us.”

“Mother, what?”

“Shut the door before you leave.”

“I am still eating?”

“No, you go now.”

The fire was dying anyway, so I left them to it, and the little knackered fire would cause them so much smoke they would have it in their eyes.

"Get out now, we are touching, and soon it will be over. You are still young; you go and find someone to hold onto." Sighed Gold as if her insides were rocking and rocketed higher and went into overdrive.

"Mother, I am too young."

"Get lost now," sighed Gold and did not speak for a long time.

I smiled and went to the freshness of the air and saw stars everywhere. I was so happy it hurt.