(I don't miss you, I miss who I thought I knew.)

As a kid, I was told love was a feeling.

I wondered what that feeling was, then I realized it is a continuous tense. It stays — it doesn't go away the way you took mine away.

I was always on track, then you came and took the place I was in. I ran the race, I was first, and I never knew you. Then you came, and you ran the race with me, then left me. I should have kept running, but I’m afraid I stopped running.

I wonder why it is still hard for me today to run that race again. Maybe I’m scared — what if I win but don’t like my prize? Or what if I run with another person who is not you? Love is a word, but in another way it’s a feeling that keeps going no matter what. Even if we try to stop it — yes, I did try — but the heart once again proved me wrong. It showed me that I live because it beats.

Now I’m here all alone. I wish I could fake this feeling, but I just can’t. I wish that one day I’ll agree that you are just old news. You broke my heart. I’m not mad — maybe a little. I just need a minute to get up from this dream of you. I can still see you. I can still feel you. It’s been one year — why can’t the thought of you go far away?

It’s so hard when everything I see reminds me of you. I just cannot process this change. I feel like I moved from a mountain to a hill — what’s the difference? Both are still high.

I’m trying to let you go, but I can’t. It’s so frustrating. I don’t miss you — I miss who I thought I knew. I don’t miss us — I miss the feelings and everything that happened.

I needed you so much, it felt like you were the air I needed.

I don’t miss you — I miss who I thought you were.

I don’t miss us — I miss the feelings I felt. Why can’t I let go of you? It has been so long. Why won’t you go away? All the promises… I’m trying so hard. Why can’t I let go? What did you do to my heart? I can still feel you, I can still hear your voice. The worst part is, you still come into my dreams and tell me you miss me.

This isn’t funny anymore. Why did destiny take us apart? I miss everything — the diamond was real. Why can’t I move on? I’m hurting so much. I’m trying, but I know I’m getting there. The heart takes time to heal, but I know I will heal.

Yes, I miss us — but not you. I tell myself that all night. At least it reassures me. Tell me you care. Tell me the dreams are true — that you miss me like I do.

Life is so awkward. Why does love exist if it can’t stay?

I’m hoping I move on one day, and I hope you do to.