Dear First

Summer Serenade – A tale of golden days, laughter, and passion in full bloom.

SUMMER, the warmest season of the year

DEAR FIRST,

Summer burst onto the scene like a sudden, joyful melody. The air thrummed with a restless energy, the sun painted everything in strokes of gold, and life felt impossibly vibrant. Just like the season, he arrived in my world, a bright and captivating presence that chased away the shadows. Summer was the season of firsts for us, a whirlwind of laughter under the endless blue sky, the dizzying heat of new affection mirroring the sun’s ardent kiss upon the earth.

My world awakened during that summer, stretching towards the sun with an unbridled optimism. Seeds sown in spring now unfurl into lush greenery, promising a season of abundance and growth. Our connection, too, felt like a tender shoot reaching for the light. Every shared smile, every whispered secret, felt like the warm rain nurturing a fragile new beginning. Summer held the promise of endless days and the naive belief that our budding love would blossom eternally under its golden gaze.

Barefoot days and firefly nights – that was the essence of summer, a time when worries seemed to melt away like ice cream under the scorching sun. You entered my life with that same carefree spirit, a burst of laughter and effortless charm that swept me off my feet. Like summer’s easy-going rhythm, our early days were filled with simple joys and the intoxicating lightness of a connection that felt as natural and inevitable as the sun rising each morning.

You always knew I liked you deeply, your smile would make my heart flatter. When you first spoke to me, I felt seen, finally and was really happy to be seen by you. I always remember the way you called my name, you rushed towards me and introduced yourself so warmly. I didn’t want to seem eager, but I counted the very minutes we took talking to one another. I felt like I was floating in the air, a cloud had carried into a world that only seemed to exist in my mind.

I can almost remember the very first time we went on a date. I had really waited for this, since we are both at boarding school. I was really excited and had butterflies in my stomach. I was happy to finally experience a date. I wasn’t expecting much since we were both young teenagers that obviously depended on our parents giving us an allowance to spend. We didn’t go to any public places but I enjoyed the time we had just the two of us.

You took an effort, well I guess I thought you did. You made simple sandwiches and it was delicious. You drove us to a park and we sat there and enjoyed the time we spent. I did fell out of place when I saw other people stare at you and me. I knew they were judging me because of my weight. I have always been heavier and I knew that, I was always a bit insecure about it, but the way you looked at me, it made me not think of that.

How naive of me to think that you didn’t want people to see us because you wanted to focus on us, when you were actually hiding from the fact that I wasn’t the type of girl your friends would like to see you with. You know your type, slender, petit and all girly. I was thicker and fuller, also not very stylish and more like a tomboy those days. I know I might have not have been the best dressed person, but I did try to look good and be presentable. I guess for you it was all a joke. Honestly, for a while, I did hate dressing up for anything, because I felt no one would appreciate.

I know it sounds bad, but honestly, at that moment, all I could think of was how we were just together during that date, in our own little world. I cherished that memory until we went back to school. It was a long summer holiday, but we only had one date. That one date I used it as the bench mark of what a date should go like. In that moment, I thought you were the perfect example of a true gentleman. How unfortunate for me to have realised what the true definition is after I went on the date with you. I know I also had a tight curfew, but I started to think you took it towards your advantage to also use it as an excuse to not see me. You had every and any chance to talk to me during the holiday, but you didn’t. How sad it sounds right? But filled with the summer bliss made me not see that as a problem. I gave you so much benefit of the doubt, but I was just caught up with your delight that I didn’t even see the red flags.

I would wait all day to get a text from you. Sometimes, you would spend days without texting, and I would still be excited to get your response. I remembered that when we were back at school it was going to be your birthday. I spent hours walking in town looking for the perfect gift for you. I didn’t have much money back then as well, but I saved up from my birthday money to get you something. It still meant a lot for me to get you something. I rushed home and packed it right away in my bag so I wouldn’t forget it as school opening was drawing near. I never used to like the thought of school, but that following school term opening I was so excited to get to school. I felt the thrill of being in what I saw as a relationship, I’m starting to also think that for you it was just a passing time situation.

The way back to school I couldn’t contain myself. When I arrived, I saw that you had already arrived and you were with your parents. I tried to wave at you, but you quickly looked away. At first I thought you didn’t want your parents to scold you, but I am just realizing that you didn’t want the guys to know that you and I were sort of something. You said you wanted only those that we were close friends with to know. Turns out you were embarrassed by me. I felt bad, but I took it all in and thought it was better we keep it on the low. I just enjoyed the bliss of the summer we spent together, I felt like I was the only girl in your eyes.

You were always popular with everyone and also quite athletic and charismatic. We would pass each other in the school corridor hallways and I would feel shy each time I saw you looking at me. If I’m being honest, I know we had agreed to keep it between us for a bit, but I told my close friend because I was just too excited. I had never had a boyfriend, and I was young with this whole view of how it all should go. I had an imaginative, fairytale expectations of what my first relationship would be like. You made me believe in it all, you played a very significant role in making me also believe in that fairytale.

To think of it, you just wanted to not be seen with me. I remember the days we had to enjoy just the space of us. We spent hours talking and laughing, oh how I felt so warm and cozy to be around you.

Each time I ask myself how come I could be short sighted. Just like the seasonal flowers that we wait for a anticipate in the season of summer. The world awakens in summer, stretching towards the sun with an unbridled optimism. Seeds sown in spring now unfurl into lush greenery, promising a season of abundance and growth. Our connection, too, felt like a tender shoot reaching for the light. Every shared smile, every whispered secret, felt like the warm rain nurturing a fragile new beginning. Summer held the promise of endless days and the naive belief that our budding love would blossom eternally under its golden gaze.

We wait for the summer flowers to blossom, as it gives wave of freshness and growth. Having barefoot days and firefly nights – that was the essence of summer, a time when worries seemed to melt away like ice cream under the scorching sun. You entered my life with that same carefree spirit, a burst of laughter and effortless charm that swept me off my feet. Like summer’s easy-going rhythm, our early days were filled with simple joys and the intoxicating lightness of a connection that felt as natural and inevitable as the sun rising each morning.

I felt a certain level of happiness to be with you, felt the warmth of the summer sun. How others would say it was burning them, I was too consumed by love I did not notice that the butterflies I had were the flames burning through me, only for me not to see butterflies, but to be reduced to ashes that can easily be blown away by the wind. How I wished to have been more cautious, but the intense gaze of your eyes glistened through my soul just as how the sun’s rays reflect in the water as it kisses goodbye to the day and greets the night.

They say that summer is the warmest season of the year. Filled with the ever-glowing presence of joy and warmth that surround us daily. I have always enjoyed the lightness summer brings and it made us be so carefree to just follow the winds pull and embrace how others didn’t matter besides you and I. I found myself in bliss of your love and care. The summer days we spent together are a memory I cherish.

Long says and short nights indeed my days were. But the long days felt short because I enjoyed my time with you. The short nights weren’t short enough because I couldn’t wait to see you. Planning the day was never something we did, we would just allow ourselves and the day to guide us. we explored different challenges, places, emotions, food and the world. It was different, but different doesn’t always mean that it is good or bad, all that mattered was how we both enjoyed and knew that we had each other.

Delightful summer bliss filled days is all I remember, or probably want to remember. I look as the seasons changes, how you also changed. We all evolve and develop and become new. But sometimes when life presents us with those chances to then evolve, we must be careful on how best to navigate it. If we’re not too careful, a hidden side of us appears and becomes visible.

My Dear First, you indeed were the first in my life, the first to show me love, places, a whole new and different type of world filled with bliss. But that also meant that you were the first heartbreak in my life. The summer bliss is all gone, and so are you. I say my final goodbye to the summer sunset as I say goodbye to you. I know that when the sun rises again, it will be a new season. As I felt the summer sun bliss begin to fade, the thought of you and I began to wash off. I couldn’t imagine the fade as a way we were beginning to have a drift between us. I never thought that the bliss would end as the summer season came to and end.

I thought it was love, summer love, but I guess it wasn’t. the warmth I felt was just my illusion.

My first, I thought it was love! But it was all my perspective, and I never knew your perspective.

Goodbye to the summer bliss, love me!