The Seven Deadly Sins: Lust

I was picking through dinner, sitting with my mom and sister. It was stroganoff- one of my least favorite meals, but who am I to deny a hot meal made fresh from Mom?

“So,” Mom says awkwardly. She’s not a fan of my life right now. I began working as a stripper at the nightclub down the road a few years ago trying to find a way to make ends meet. I was good, having trained my upper body to be able to hold me up.

She didn’t approve of that line of work, thinking it made me less of a woman for the outfits I wore. I could care less, considering I had a decent body. Might as well show it off right?

I meet her eyes and she’s looking at me, clearly uncomfortable with this topic. She must not realize that she doesn’t have to talk about it; I don’t bring up the fact that she’s a nurse all the time now do I? No.

“How’s work? I know it must be hard having all those men looking at and touching you.”

“It’s fine.” I answer nonchalantly. I don’t really talk about what I do for work- it’s never seemed important to me because it’s a way to make money. Money is money, no matter where it comes from.

“Hm,” She continues poking through her food, not meeting my eyes. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”

“No one said I’m enjoying it. I just said it’s good.”

“Who knows. Maybe you will.”

“Maybe. I don’t think so though.”

“You know you don’t have to do that, right?”

“Of course.” I responded. “I know I don’t have to do anything. I’m free.”

“Right.”

I remain silent. What does she want from me? “Look, if you want me to quit I would but they pay too good for me to leave.”

“Do you give VIP services?”

I remain silent. She doesn’t need to know. Only if they pay good enough. It’s usually the old men so it’s not so bad. Maybe they just want some action before they die, you know?

“Covet-”

“Mom, stop. It’s not that big of a deal. My bills are paid, I have somewhere to live, I have clothes, food, everything I need.”

“You should have clothes on at work too.”

“Mom!” I protest. “Look, this isn’t my favorite job, either. It’s not like I love it. I kinda hate it but I need money and this works.”

“I guess.” Mom sighs, pushing her food away as if I’m some sick creature that made her lose her appetite. I suppose I did. “I’s not like you have a loving mother and sister who’s door is always open to help you support yourself. It’s your choice but I wish you’d be more considerate of the outcome. Of the severity. Covet,” She sighs. “I don’t know.”

With that she removes herself from the table, going into the living room and turning on the TV. My sister sat picking through her food.

She didn’t say anything. I’m not sure I want her to.

After a few moments of awkward silence, I clear my throat. “So, Sabrina, how’s school?”

She shrugs then she looks up at me. “It’s well. I started talking to this boy.”

I perk up. My sister’s never been interested in boys. Ever. “Who? Is he cute? What’s he look like? How long have you guys been talking?”

I almost want to add questions like, Why didn’t you tell me? How come you don’t tell me these things anymore? but know it’ll probably damage our relationship even more.

“Yeah, he’s cute. Tall, blonde hair, green eyes. We started dating a couple months ago.”

That kind of hurt. Now the questions are bubbling. How come they don’t tell me anything anymore? Why am I being pushed out of the picture?

They can say that I’m not all they want but I really am. I’m not communicated with- all of the big things happening in their lives aren’t shared with me. I want to be there to celebrate things with them too. I want to be proud of them too.

“Oh,” was all I could manage after the silence. Then, since I knew the question would gnaw on me later, I asked her. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

She shrugs, picking through her food again. She wouldn’t meet my eyes. I think we both know our bond has been severed. It kinda sucks because I do love her too.

“I just didn’t think it really mattered. I mean if we break up there’d be no point. Then you’d have to hate him and all this other stuff so I didn’t say anything.”

“But it does matter. What if you guys don’t break up? Have you guys done anything?”

“Like sex?”

Of course she’d go there. I’m a stripper so I must always be horny or something. “No. If you have cool but don’t give yourself away to the wrong guy. If you have sex and he leaves you it’s going to hurt like a bitch. I mean kiss, hold hands, tell each other you love one another. Stuff like that?”

“I mean, yeah. We held hands and kissed. He hasn’t said he loves me and I’m not gonna be the first.”

“Sometimes you have to make the move.”

“I don’t want to. I want him to actually prove to me that he wants me and stuff.”

“Wants you?”

“Loves me I guess. I don’t want lust.”

“I don’t want that for you either.”

“Do you want it for yourself?”

“No.” I’d never personally settled down with a guy. I’d dated here and there and gone out with a couple guys but it was never anything serious.

I had avoided hooking up with people because I don’t want lust. Sure I’m a stripper but it’s my job, not my dream.

Sabrina was quiet. “I’m sorry.” She finally says.

“For what?”

“For pulling away. Things must be hard for you and then with Mom dogging on you about your job.”

I reach out, placing my hand on hers. “I’m not worried about it. I know she’s not happy with it- neither am I, to be honest- but it is what it is. As soon as I find better elsewhere I’ll be leaving.”

“Will you though?”

She thinks I like my job. She probably thinks I’ve got friends there- people to leave behind- but I don’t. I’m there to make my money and get out. Not get groped on by slimy old men.

I nod. “I don’t like it there.”

“I don’t like you being there.”

“I don’t like me there either,” I say, feeling tears in my eyes. I feel terrible but there’s nothing I can do. I had been so hardworking back in high school but beyond that the pieces fell wherever they would.

I don’t play a big role in my life anymore I just go with the flow. I guess that happens when you’re broken time after time. I get up, scraping my leftovers into the trash and joining my mom in the living room.

I sit on the couch but she doesn’t acknowledge me.

“Mom,” I sigh. “I know you hate what I do and I do too, but please try to understand me. Try to be supportive of the fact that I’m at least making my own money to live by myself-”

“You live in a trailer park.” Mom cuts me off, her words cutting. “It’s a trashy place. Your neighbors are drunks and druggies. You take your clothes off to get money stuffed in your tits and ass, you dance for old men who could be your father- and on top of that you fuck them!”

“Mom!” I was offended, though it had some truth to it. I didn’t know how to respond.

“Covet, I know it’s harsh but someone has to keep it real with you. I don’t like how you work like that. You could do fast food or retail and stay with me. There’s no need to be doing that-”

“Mom, you’re being unfair!” I shout, standing and pulling my keys out of my pocket. “You’ve never done anything but belittle me! I’m doing good for myself. The job might be shitty but the pay isn’t. I make more money in one night than you do in one week but you’re gonna shit on me?”

“Covet-”

“No, Mom, I’m doing the best I can with what I have and you’re trying to turn it into a bad thing.” I begin heading outside and Mom doesn’t even try to say anything to me. My phone buzzes and I pull it out.

The screen reads Dan. My boss.

“Hello?”

“Covet? Oh, thank God you answered! One of our performers called off. She’s not feeling too well but there’s a long list of guys who paid good money to see this show.”

This show isn’t one I planned on being in so I hadn’t learned the routine.

“Dan-”

“Come on! We need someone and you’re the hottest we’ve got. The guys will be pleasantly surprised when they see you come up on stage and perform.”

“I don’t really want to.” I’m in my car now. I definitely need to get back home- whether I plan on going in and performing or not. “I just ate. I’m bloated and don’t really have the strength right now.”

“Come on. Please?”

I sigh. I’m on the road now, the windows rolled up and music playing softly. “I really don’t know. I’m not feeling it.”

“Come on, I’ll give you a raise.”

“How much?” I’m not gonna go in but if he says dollars I’ll definitely consider.

“Couple bucks, what’re you thinking?” He shoots back.

“I don’t know,” I repeat. “I guess I’ll be there. I don’t really know the routine though.”

“No worries, you guys are all gonna improv.”

“What?!”

“Yeah, Cassie’s not sure what’s going on either because the one wouldn’t really train and practice with her. You guys’ll do great.”

I sigh, pulling into the small driveway and heading into my house. “What time does the show start?”

“Nine.”

I look at the clock on the microwave. It’s already 8:15. I put my phone into charge saying, “I’ll be there,” Before hanging up and getting ready.

I pull into the back lot, the front is way too crowded. There were only a few cars back here and I got out and pulled my coat tighter.

I pull the keys to the back door out of my coat and open the door, heading inside to the dressing room and going into my stall. I hang my stuff up, adjusting my hair and fixing my makeup.

When I’m in the outfit that was coordinated the other night, I head out into the lobby. Not like a customer lobby where all the visitors would be, but our lobby where we wait to go out and perform.

Cassie was on the couch, her dress sparkling. She glances up at me, smiling. “Thank God you came in!”

I smile. “Yeah, Dan pleaded with me.” Speak of the devil, he walks in.

“Ah! You made it!” He comes over, holding my arms and kissing both of my cheeks. While he was on his second round I whispered, “You better not forget that raise.”

He grins when he pulls away. “No, never! Well, ladies, it’s showtime!” He heads back out onto the stage, the lights dim and a round of applause sounds.

“Thank you. I know many of you here paid for some kind of VIP service but I’m not sure you’ll get what you’re expecting.” A groan sounds from the audience before Dan adds, “Because you’ll be receiving more than what you’re expecting!”

This receives roars, hoots, hollers, and whistles. Applause rings out and Dan was probably soaking up the light and attention.

“Thank you all for coming out tonight. The Eclipse wants to welcome you to their grand performance: Birds of a Feather!”

Oh no. I did this show once when I first started and I absolutely hated it. It’s risky and sometimes dangerous. It’s one of the visitors’ favorite shows though so it’s become an annual performance.

I took my spot, the fiery red one-piece too tight on my body, the trail of feathers dragging behind me as I prepared for the worst performance of my life. I really did hate this one. I should’ve known when I put the costume on.

The lights dimmed and then the one turned on Cassie. She held her arms out. Most people think all strip-clubs are women taking their clothes off and dancing provocatively. Here at The Eclipse we want to put on a show- well Dan wants us to.

We train our bodies and come up with unique routines. It’s not just “half-naked women dancing on poles”, there are whole choreographies.

Speaking of, Birds of a Feather has the worst one ever. Did I mention that already? I think I might’ve.

If I’m right, towards the end, the blue bird and the red bird “fall in love” (something of the sort) and the actresses kiss. There’s nothing wrong with that- we live in a time where girls date girls whatever that’s cool- but it’s just not really my thing.

Sure there’s stage kissing but guys don’t enjoy that. Remember, this is still a show that is supposed to make guys excited.