Chapter 1
Day: Friday
Time: 12.30pm
Mood: Daydreaming
If dreaming was an Olympic sport then I would be winning gold medals every single day…
‘Ding’
A message popped up on the screen from my group chat.“Location canteen.”
I smiled, sent a thumbs up emoji and increased my pace.
When entered the canteen a chorus of voices caught my attention
“Sup peeps.” I waved to my friends.
“Hey Ethan where have you been boy?” one of my friends said as he ruffled my hair
“Yeah we have been waiting for you,” another one added as he passed me his packet of chips
“Thanks” I said and stuffed my mouth.
After a couple bites I dramatically said “can none of you live without me?”
“We can,” the faceless man said “but he cannot.”
He pointed to a handsome man.
I paused.
Why are my friends faceless?
Is it because I did not eat… or are they just mere cannon fodder?
I followed to where my faceless companion was pointing and locked eyes with a handsome man.
Well butter my buns and call me a cinnabun, who is he and how is he this handsome?
“Hello darling, how was your class?” the handsome man asked
Ahhhh!!!. He called me darling. OK.DON’T.PANIC.ETHAN.AND.ACT.NATURALLY.
“It was good I paid attention and wrote everything down,” I said and flashed him my best charming smile.
The man chuckled and moved closer.
‘OH MY GOD MISTER DROP YOUR SKINCARE ROUTINE PLEASE’ I screeched internally.
Just as he reached out towards me, my surroundings went from 1040p to 144p.
DAMMIT, BAD INTERNET CONNECTION.
The people blurred.
The canteen dissolved.
Only the man was left.
I reached towards him, just a little closer…
‘CLANK’
The door slammed and people began to pour into the class.
Ethan snapped from his daydreaming and glanced over the class.
He sighed, stretched, yawned like a cat.
-10 minutes later-
Ethan started tapping on his desk impatiently ‘Just great the lecturer still isn’t here, at this point she should just retire’.
Ethan started rummaging in his bag and pulled out a leather bound book ‘I should catch up on my journaling’.
’Great another day, another class, and another snooze, I just want to fulfill my scholarship requirements and pass.’
‘How the hell can I be mentally tired when it’s only the first semester.’
‘AND WHERE IS THE DAMN TEACHER, I HAVE BEEN WAITING HERE SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME’
Ethan furiously wrote in his notebook and stopped when he caught the sight of his lecturer.
’She looks like an old sheep lady, like an adorable sheep lady.
The lecturer hobbled up to the podium and started with the usual speech.
“Welcome class to week 10 of the lecture,” the old lecturer said, dragging her words.
Day: Monday
Time: 8.30 am
Mood: Angry, frustrated, sad
Semester one has been hell, my only friend found a bf and then we added her bf and an older woman into the friend group.Just.Great. Meanwhile I had always felt like a stranger since I was not studying to become a teacher.
It doesn’t matter now since I have broken up with my friends. Whatever I don’t need them I have a boyfriend now. But he is also…
“Hello, what are you up to?” Ethan’s boyfriend Zain sat beside him.
Ethan hastily closed his book. “It’s nothing, I was just doodling.”
“Don’t wanna show me?” Zain moved closer and asked
“Its personal Zain” Ethan said and stuffed his book into his bag
“Why are you so distant Ethan, you didn’t hide anything from me before?”
Ethan looked at Zain’s face and he had an urge to punch him, he restrained due to legal reasons.
‘I didn’t hide things from you because I thought I could trust you, douchebag’ Ethan internally lamented but he decided not to pour his thoughts out
Instead Ethan moved close to Zain and leaned against him “I am not distant just tired.”
‘Fuccckkkkk I don’t have the balls to break up with him properly, I need a freaking miracle’.
Just then the lecturer came and the class began.
Day: Sunday
Time: 10.00 pm
Mood: Angry, frustrated, sad, scared
I wanna break up with my boyfriend. I caught him checking out other women and commenting on how good they look. He didn’t talk about the attire but about the women wearing them.
Why does stuff like this happen to me?
Does the universe hate me?
When I was born did God take one look at me and say I cast you with a difficult side quest called bad life?
Also since this is my cannon fodder story I have other news.
I am currently sick.
Finals are in ONE WEEK.
My body is surviving on thoughts and prayers.
I AM TRYING TO STUDY BUT WHEN I THINK ABOUT FAILING I GET ERATTIC AND I STOP TRYING.
It doesn’t help that an unwanted guest known as ADHD is doing parkour in my mind.
If only I had paid attention in class, I know it’s my fault but I have been trying to juggle a lot.
My house is literally falling apart.
My family is in debt.
And I think I am going to breach my scholarship agreement by failing my exams.
I lost my friends
My boyfriend turned out to be a jerk
And I have lost my mind.
I wanna disappear right now, like an anime protagonist when Truck-Kun hits them.
But the funeral cost is a bit much these days so I am planning to stick around a bit. Sigh it feels like high school all over again.
My life’s a one big joke and I am the only one not laughing.
P.S:
Yep I really wrote sigh, whoever is reading this don’t judge me.
Day: Wednesday
Time: 2.00 pm
Mood: Calm, relieved, hopeful
My finals are finished and I hope that I can pass my exams. I still have a lingering fear that I did not do well on my tests.
I am currently sitting in the library eating these dry as hell homemade chips that I purchased from the uncle outside the canteen. I am certain for one thing that these chips must be descendants of rocks…
“Hello, did you wait long for me?” Zain asked as he slid beside Ethan
Ethan hurriedly closed his book and flashed a smile “No I just got here”
‘That was unfortunately a lie, but I am a coward so its okay’
“Will you miss me during our long semester break baby?” Zain asked as he took Ethan’s hand.
Ethan’s left eye twitched but he smiled “Yes I will miss you.”
‘God’s, goddesses, anyone please make it stop or else I am going to puke’
Zain kissed Ethan on the lips “I have to go now bye baby.”
“Bye” Ethan smiled wide until Zain was out of sight.
‘Finally I am alone’
Day: Friday
Time: 12.00 am
Mood: thoughtful, insightful
I am on a 2 month semester break. I was happy at first because I got to fix my sleeping schedule, but I am so burnt out. My hobbies don’t excite me anymore. I am just making food for my family, cleaning the house and watching movies. I have lost my ambition, my spark and my will.
I broke down in the shower thinking about this.
Also my family suggested that I find a job. They also said I can just rest at home and make food, but I am scared of interviews, I have anxiety and I don’t wanna leave the house.
I will find a job after I graduate, but not now I will be a shut-in.
P.S:
I am still waiting for a miracle or truck-kun if they are available.
Day: Wednesday
Time: 4.00pm
Mood: EXTREMLY FUCKING HAPPY
I PASSED MY FINAL EXAMS!!!!!!
YESSSSSS!!!!!
The best part is that my semester one and semester 2 GPA’s are the same.
So this means that I still have my scholarship.
Also I have made an elaborate plan to breakup with my boyfriend.
TRUCK-KUN I DON’T NEED YOU NOW!!!
Bye
My journal is full and so is my heart.
