Love vs Heartbreak

Love is one of the many things in life that can make or break someone. What is love you might ask, well love is this feeling that you have for people that fall under different categories, for example a good friend, family members, and even that “special” someone. This however isn't about a family member or a friend, it's about that someone you thought was the missing puzzle piece to this chaotic world we call life, the person that makes your worst days' worth living, someone you thought was your forever.

In life this feeling is what everyone wants to feel or tries to avoid overall. Sometimes it can be the most beautiful thing in the world, and you just never want to let go, or it hurts you so bad to the point you make a vow or so a promise to conceal those emotions just to avoid dealing with the consequences. Love is patient, love is kind, love is a dangerous game people like to play.

Have you ever “loved” someone? I have and I thought I was living in a fantasy. Feelings can be pretty damn blinding if you ask me. When you think that everything is perfect even when it’s not, that's where pain and betrayal come in. Why? Because you allow yourself to be easily fooled by whatever is to come, you allow yourself to be taken advantage of and they don't even give a damn about you in return. You do everything just to continue to be the apple in their eye, but is it ever enough?

Men and women can show you what it feels to be seen and wanted as much as they want as long as it means they get what they demand. Demanding is also known as being dominant in a relationship. Women are made to be submissive to their partners just to be overlooked in a heartbeat and judged for not being the average looking woman. People created this expectation that women have to use their bodies, cook, clean, and give it up whenever told to do so to get a man, but when a woman has standards, they are now portrayed as a gold digger or a hoe.

I never understood the urge to go out and get attention or step outside of my previous relationship, but instead I wanted to be better. I wanted to be the only girl he saw in this world even though I knew I didn’t go out to clubs, cheat, dress inappropriately, smoke, or seeked attention from other men just him. Every day was another chance to be better or do better than the day before. When I looked at him, I saw a hardworking man that was trying even when life continuously threw challenges at him.

Well, if he was this “perfect” guy then what’s the problem, right? Wrong. Nothing trumps love except for heartbreak. Heartbreak feels like someone ripped your heart out, stomped on it, ran it over, and burned it to ashes leaving you with resentment. After everything I’m left trying to pick up shattered glass while watching him not be affected whatsoever. When you think things will finally be ok, he never fails to remind you he doesn't love you like he used to or claims he did at some point, and a part of you believes him which is your heart, but your mind says he’s full of shit.

Just like every cycle in life there’s a beginning and there’s an end. Just like marriage there’s a honeymoon phase and there’s the not seeing eye to eye anymore phase, but you try to fix it because you want it to work. One day you’ll finally realize that no matter how much their presence makes your heart do summersaults or they give you the nervous giggles it's up to you to keep going. Because of him I wanted to be better, but now I want to be better for me. Everyday it's like I'm trying to prove to myself I can be a bad bitch without showing or shaking my ass. Before I wanted to replace him so badly and just hated him. Hate him for hurting me. Hate him for giving up on me, on us. Now I thank him, because I won’t allow myself to give so much of me. I gave him years of me and sometimes it felt like I was fighting to get a piece of him and that's not love. The hurt and betrayal are there, and a bit of feeling used, but I can't hate him because I did love him. I wanted that future but now I want my future.

I used to always say I know what is and what isn't mine, but now I know what I had and what wasn't completely mine. I guess I’m writing this to tell you that yes love hurts, but it’s up to you to decide how it affects you and I won't let this destroy me. I will be better and will continue to do better. That love may have been shattered, but I will always want what's best for my old special someone because at some point I believe I was special to you….