WAVES CRASH (bxb)

“34 days until school begins.”

Despite being on vacation, I can’t keep my mind off of school. No matter where I go, everything reminds me of school.

The loud chatter of people surrounding us sounds like a similar noise to the chaotic classrooms back at home. The sand between my toes is a familiar sense of irritation when my desks have piles and piles of assignments on them. Honestly, I should’ve just stayed at home. I would at least have the peace and solace of my bedroom.

The notifications pile up on the screen of my phone. A mix of messages from friends, acquaintances, teachers, and people from my extracurriculars, along with reminders of the things I need to comply with, and goal reminders made a blurry mess as the digital clock on the screen changed to 11:48 AM, July 2.

It would be a whole day behind if it were back home.

It’s day three of vacation, and I haven’t achieved much here. My dad, Augustus, decided it would be a nice change of scenery if we had our summer vacation on the island of Boracay in the Philippines.

Sure. Endless amounts of fast food chains, restaurants, clothing stores, souvenir shops, all along the edge of the white sand beach. I’m sure it’s much different from the concrete jungle back at home.

The only enjoyable part of this trip is sitting on the fine grains of sand, letting the waves reach my feet, and washing all the grains away. It surely is a change of pace from my usual routine. Just letting my thoughts wander, letting the waves sing a melody so graceful, it lifts my soul to the stars.

A row of chairs filled up the space in front of the small restaurant where we decided to spend our lunch. We’re the only customers at the moment, despite it being prime noon eating hour. Well, with the few exceptions of people who get take-out.

I pick up the burger in front of me. Sesame buns, with more lettuce than they can hold, surprisingly delicious tomatoes, and the most disappointing patty ever in the world. Placing the burger back on the small paper plate, I take a sip of my strawberry milkshake, washing down the earthy flavor on my tongue.

My phone vibrates, a notification from Instagram.Three of your friends have updated their stories, the bubble reads. I’d love to share my own adventures here, but I haven’t been able to properly relish all the wonders this tropical island has to offer. Heck, I haven’t even been able to swim in the sea for more than an hour! Vacation, has this word lost all its meaning? With my father around, it surely has.

“Oh, come on, bro! Put the phone down, we’re on vacation!” My twenty-five-year-old brother, Angelo, takes the cup from my hands before sliding the straw in his mouth. He takes a sip, then his face turns sour, “Strawberry, again?”

I sigh, taking back the cup from him. “Strawberries taste perfectly good, thank you.”

The idiot has a daft smile. Despite not being much older than me, he surely is starting to sound like Dad. Always spewing nonsense about spending too much time on my phone and how I shouldn’t focus all my time on my academics.

Go out, see the world, try something new, date a few guys! He’d repeat like a mantra. As much as I’d love to accomplish the first three things, the last one wasn’t an option. Still, I love my brother, and what he says doesn’t go without any credibility.

He’d recently graduated with a degree in Psychology, despite being different from what he and our father agreed on for him to take in college. He pursued it anyway because, as he says, life isn’t life without the unexpected parts.

Another notification on my phone pops up, a message from Veriana, my best friend. “Seriously, put the phone down.” His tone changes, stern. He’s probably gonna mention that. “Please, Leon, try to talk to Dad.”

Over the three days of this vacation, from start to present, my father and I have had an ongoing feud. “Angelo, kuya, you and I both know there’s no use talking to that man. Once he sets his mind on something, it can’t ever be changed. You should know.” His eyebrows furrow, reminded of trivial memories.

My arguments with Dad never end quickly. Whenever I’d think we would come to an agreement or some sort of compromise, he’d always try to push things back into his favor. It’s quite an annoying predicament.

“I know he can be... difficult. But he’s still our dad. And, again, we’re on vacation for goodness sake!” A breath of air escapes his lungs. He settles back down in his chair, his eyes darting back to me, filled with desperation. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.”

I looked into the distance, watching as the waves approached the shore. “I’m not saying you have to apologize to him or anything, but just meet somewhere in the middle, y’know?” He added.

My head was spinning on itself. However, Angelo is right. I can’t keep pushing our father away. Not especially when we still rely on him for many things. In my situation, it’s quite evident that I still need his support: for school, for my personal interests, for so many things that I can’t even list each and every one of them.

But how would I even begin to apologize? Would I be able to do it? I’ve got an entire summer to think it through, come up with some heartfelt apology, so there’s really no need to rush it. I doubt he would apologize first, he never has. Not that he ever had the moral obligation to do so.

“Can we just put this off for now? I’m sure he’s doing fine... wherever he is.” I scratch my hand, unknowingly, “Speaking of, where is he?”

Angelo’s eyes scrunch under the brightening sun. He picks up the sunglasses he placed on the table, alongside a hand-carry fan and sunscreen. The silver frames as it perches on his nose make a stark contrast against his sun-bathed complexion.

He stands, snatching the milkshake from my hands again. He takes a lengthy sip, “Didn’t you hear him grumble as he left? He’s at the spa back at the hotel.” Make sense. Being as grumpy as someone like him would warrant a spa anytime I’d have leisure hours. Taking what’s left of my burger, I follow my brother as he heads in the direction behind me. Our hotel isn’t far from where we had lunch.

We walk for a few minutes in silence. The sun hits harder than the past few days we’ve been here. Considering the country’s climate, this is pretty tame compared to the times I had been here. I grab the collar of my shirt and pull it back and forth, trying to fan myself. My brother seems to have no problem being acclimatized to this heat, and presumably because of his open-button tropical polo.

Thankfully, there are palm trees lined up parallel to the long row of stores stretching across the beach, acting as shade. I look ahead. The path has dozens of people, all from diverse backgrounds. Having to maneuver around this many people like obstacles sends my mind into a haze, along with the added discomfort of sand between my toes.

Then, my brother notices and pulls me closer, wrapping a hand around my shoulders. “Bro, why are you even arguing with him about this? You’ve talked about this for like a hundred times already.”

“I don’t even know either!” I throw my hands up in shared confusion. “We’ve made multiple deals on this, and I’ve been keeping my side up, but... I don’t know.”

Remember how I couldn’t keep my mind off school? Yeah, that’s the reason for our three-day and ongoing feud. All because of school. Specifically, keeping my status as the top-performing student in my grade. If not worse, the top performing student in the entire school. Which I’ve been successfully able to do for five consecutive years. It’s complete insanity!

“It’s a complete mystery to me. I mean, he didn’t pressure me this much in high school!” My brother tried to reason out. “Did he realize I was a lost cause early on?”

Looking back, my brother was an achiever, but the pedestal Dad has put me on is far worse than anything he’s done to Angelo. Ever since I first set foot into high school, he’s had multiple lectures on how he expects nothing but the best of me. As an obedient child, I did what he said. I kept test scores near perfect, did all my assignments, put all my effort into projects, and even did the extracurriculars that mattered most.

It’s safe to say that it did pay off. He was happy, maybe proud of me even. But as human as we all are, I’ve had my missteps. I was in eighth grade, it was nearing our midterms, and I was completely confident that I’d do well. At that time, a new game that was the talk of our school came out. As kids do, I played it and loved it. Maybe a little too much because the night before midterms, I spent the entire time playing.

My lack of preparation had caused me to forget some of the material I had studied. But it was okay, I handled the rest of the exam easily. Then, I realized as I read one of the questions, there was an entire lesson I had forgotten to study. I ultimately got a B-minus on that exam.

Many would say that a B-minus is a decent grade, a good one even. For my dad, however, it was below standard. It was a sign that I was slowly headed to a future of nothing but failure and sadness. He was so angry and disappointed that he took all my devices, banned me from watching TV, and banned me from seeing my friends for two whole months. During the weekends, I wouldn’t be able to leave my room unless it was time to eat.

When I was confined in my room, I’d think back to that night, how I should’ve studied, and instead of playing some mindless game, as my tears were puddling on my pillow. You could say I never did anything like that ever again.

Angelo’s arm suddenly gripped tighter, pulling closer for a side hug as we trekked on the sand back to our hotel. He lifted his sunglasses with his free hand, “Don’t worry, little bro, your big bro’s got your back.”

I smiled at him, his words tugged at my heart a bit. Those two months weren’t so bad because of his presence. He’d been banned by our dad from entering my room. But when things got busy, Angelo would sneak into my room and give me a piece of candy. It would somehow cheer me up.

“I know. You always have.” My words seem to satisfy him. “Thank you, kuya.”

After passing a dozen more stores, we finally reached the street our hotel is on. There were multiple streets in between the stores that led to the main road, ours was where most of the bigger establishments were found. Some famous bars, high-end hotels, and classy restaurants were situated here. The place we stayed at was a three-star hotel which had a pool and a rooftop area where guests could hang out.

The main entrance directly opened into the street, as many other places did. As we entered, the security personnel who stood guard greeted us, prompting me to smile back. The cold air breezed past my skin, making me shiver as I took in the situation of the lobby. The reception area was a few meters from the door, with two stairs on each side leading to the second floor, with an indoor balcony that overlooked the main lobby.

On the right, two elevators were crowded on the right by a family in their swimwear. We decided to wait alongside them as our room was on the third floor. Not too long after, the elevator dinged, and we all hurried inside.

We got off the elevator, greeted by a long, silent hallway. Angelo patted his pink shorts for the keycard, then slid it across the doorknob. The door beeped and then opened. I took off my slippers and took out my phone, going through notifications that I had ignored earlier.

I walked towards the bed when I noticed two feet blocking my path. Looking up from my phone, I realized it was my dad, wearing an expensive-looking white button-up polo with khaki shorts that luckily contrasted his warm skin.

He lifted his hands, presenting himself while expecting a reaction from both of us. “You look dashing, pa!” Angelo praised. “You have a date or something?” He added.

The old man chuckled, “No, but we are gonna be taking pictures. So, put on your best attire, and we’ll head out!” He exclaimed, then looked at me.

Slowly, he made his way to me, hands held out as he slowly wrapped his arms around me. I became dumbfounded. My hand slowly wrapped around him, not sure if I should return the gesture or stand there awkwardly. Angelo, who just walked out of the bathroom, dropped his jaw and his eyes widened in surprise.

His embrace only tightened when I tried to let go. “’Nak, let’s not get this between us, ha?” His tone was trying to be affectionate, but it only came off as unnatural.

“Dad, but I-” He shushed, seemingly lost in trying to show love to his son.

“Well... this is certainly new.” Angelo chimed in as he took his phone out to take a photo.

“Can you please let go?” I wheezed, trying to get words out, “Then we’ll talk.”

When he finally loosens his hold around me, I flee and sit down on the nearest bed. Angelo seems to be amused by the entire situation. If it weren’t me in this position, I’d understandably also be entertained by the entire ordeal.

I took a moment to breathe and take in the whole situation. Then, I turned to dad, “What’s going on? What’s wrong?” I asked.

“What do you mean?” He looked as confused as we were. “There is nothing wrong, ’nak,”

“I am also very... deeply concerned, and disturbed.” Angelo agreed in confusion.

“Oh, you mean... the hug?” He laughed while the two of us looked at each other in horror. “Can I not show my son that I deeply love and care for him?” He added after getting out of his laughing fit.

“Well, yeah. Especially not after everything you said the past few days.” I snarkily reminded him. My anger still had not dissipated, and it very much reignited after that.

“As much as I’d love to settle this matter, I agree with Leon, pa,” Angelo added.

“Alright. Alright, let’s all calm down and have a civil discussion about this.” He says as he sits down on the bed, putting one leg over the other. “Let’s recap, shall we?”

My brother and I exchanged glances again. “Okay. Here’s what happened. First, on the flight here, you went on a rant about how it’s my final year in high school, and so I shouldn’t slack off.”

“Well, that’s not exactly a bad thing, is it?” He chimed in before I could finish my rant.

“Of course it isn’t!” I exclaimed, my veins beginning to pop.

“Don’t raise your voice, Leon!” He reprimanded.

“That’s exactly the second thing! You keep telling me how I should straighten myself out and be a proper student when that’s what I’ve been doing for years! I have good grades, I follow everything you say, I stay within my boundaries.” I take a moment to catch my breath.

The room fell silent. Dad had his eyes wide open, my brother could only listen to the entire discourse with his arms crossed. Although he didn’t say much, his stance was clear. At this point, my head was starting to ache, but I had a point to make. If I didn’t get it across now, when would I be able to do it?

“I’ve been an active member of the student council ever since I set foot into the damned school. And this upcoming school year, you asked me to run for president. Why can’t you let me have one thing, one such simple thing?”

My eyes began swelling as small drops of tears formed. I tried to hold them back, but failed as a single tear fell. My brother could only watch from across the room, knowing that interfering would make things worse.

“I have given you what you want!” He raised his voice, acting as if I asked him the most offensive question he’d ever heard in his life.

“And what exactly is that?”

“Food, clothes, shelter! Do not even let me begin on all the ridiculous things you have asked me to get you.” He massaged his temples, ”At ang mga kaibigan mo (And your friends), I only let you get so close to them because of the connections I had with their parents. But lately, it seems like they’ve begun to influence, and negatively at that.”

“Oh, come on, dad! Say all the bad things you want about me, but leave them out of this!” My voice began to shake, my hands folded into fists.

“It’s one thing to use up your study time to hang out with them, but acting against your father due to what they say to you? Completely outrageous!” His words rang out.

I took a deep breath, resisting the urge to let my fists collide with his face. But I knew that the consequences would be much more dire. “Alright. I can’t just ditch my friends, so I want to propose some sort of compromise. You want me to do more extracurriculars? Ace every test? Deal. Just let me have this, please.”

My eyes met his. For a second, there was a glimmer that gave me hope that he would change his mind, that his walls had magically broken down. I thought that he’d actually decide what’s best for his child. In truth, he hadn’t budged one bit.

“Until college.” He murmured.

’What?”

“You can keep them until you graduate. When you go to college, don’t speak to them ever again. Focus on your studies.”

“Ha?” My brother spoke for the first time in a while.

More tears began pouring down my face. “Are you insane?” My breathing became uneven, and my words got caught up. “All I’ve done in my life is to study. I’ve barely developed a hobby that wasn’t related to school or my extracurriculars. My life was in danger because of this, because of all the pressure you put me under!”

He turned his back to me, seemingly beginning to move away. I took a step forward, my hand reached to grab his, “What more could you ask from me?!”

Before I could realize what happened, the pain began to settle on my face. It was hot and painful, and it hurt like a fucking bitch. My own father had slapped me. It had never gotten this bad before, at least I was lucky enough not let it. My throat itched in pain from all the screaming I’d done. My tears kept pouring and pouring.

My brother was in disbelief at what he had just witnessed. His eyes were wide and his mouth agape, like he meant to say something. No words came out, only silent pity.

I raised my hand to touch my face, caressing where most of the damage had been done. Dad stood there, breathing heavy and fuming, almost turning red. I was stunned. My mouth couldn’t even move. The only thing running in my mind was to either lock myself in the bathroom or run outside, never to be seen again.

“Leon de los Santos!” His voice boomed. ”Anong nangyayari sayo? (What has gotten into you?"

Then, my mouth began to slowly move, “I don’t know either.”

“Leon...” My brother called out.

“It never seemed like you cared anyway.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I ran towards the door.

-

Greetings, dear readers! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of myfirst everproper story. There might be some grammatical mistakes or continuity errors along the way, but please bear with me for now!

Please vote or leave a comment and enjoy the journey <3