NOVA

April 15, 2023

That night, Aslı’s soul tore through the darkness like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon; a light reaching toward life shimmered on its wings. The chains that had condemned her to the death she had lived within were shattered to pieces. The suffocating memory of hours earlier—when the world had collapsed on her after the Macbeth play, leaving her unable to breathe—had been erased from her mind. She lay in bed, thinking of Güney. Those warm brown eyes that could envelop a person in a single glance… Tomorrow she would look freely into those eyes, which she believed held the mystery of life, take his hands between her own, and cry out, “I love you so much, Güney!” Perhaps she would even kiss him. The mere thought sent a fire dancing across her lips; her heart began to pound as if it would tear through her chest. She sat up at once, took a few sips of water from the bottle on her nightstand. She drew a deep breath, smiled. Then she lay back down and tried to sleep. But she could not sleep. Inside her, hope, passion, and life surged together like a raging torrent.

Dreams began to dance before her eyes, each more vivid, more real than the last… She and Güney were cooking in the kitchen, their laughter filling the room; Güney’s flour-dusted hands caressed her hair with a smile. They opened a law office together—simple, yet reflecting Güney’s personality with elegant grace. “In time, perhaps we’ll share the same home,” Aslı murmured, hugging her pillow. “Maybe we’ll get a small, adorable dog; its fluffy paws will fill our house with joy.” For a moment, a sharp thought pierced her dreams: What if Güney wants to marry me? “Yes!” she cried without hesitation. “Why wouldn’t we get married?” She clutched her pillow tightly, smiling at the bright white moon illuminating the sky. For most people, these dreams represented ordinary expectations from life, perhaps ordinary hopes—but to Aslı, they seemed to offer immortality. Finally, exhausted by this storm of emotion, her consciousness surrendered to sleep. She let herself drift into dreams.

When morning came, Aslı did not merely wake—she was reborn. The moment she rose, she ran to the window and flung the curtains wide open. In the distance, daisies dancing with the breeze among lush green grass caught her eye. Her hand on the glass, she touched those flowers with her soul. “Daisies with yellow hearts,” she whispered, her eyes sparkling. Though she was a thirty-two-year-old woman, she had no memories connected to flowers. She had never inhaled their scent, never properly learned their names. Then she squinted and turned her gaze to the sun. “Look at that sun, Aslı,” she said. “The sun… the light of life that embraces the world after the night…” “And those trees rising tall and noble, defying the sky; the dazzling flowers whispering life to the earth with their colors… And the cheerful birds in the branches, never silent for a moment, coloring the sky with their joy…” Everything was a unique miracle torn from the heart of the universe.

“When did you last truly look at them?” she asked herself in wonder. Just as she began to feel regret for having missed all the beauties of life, her eyes fell on her reflection in the window. She studied her face carefully. Aslı possessed a beauty that etched itself into the mind with a single glance. Her moon-white skin glowed with the fire of her hazel eyes; her pearl-like teeth crowned her smile. Her cute nose, slightly tall stature, graceful body… Her auburn hair turned to golden light when it met the sun. She remembered Güney’s words: “The sun and the earth, after years of darkness, have embraced each other in your hair with an endless longing…” When she heard this, Aslı had blushed with embarrassment, finding the compliment exaggerated and brushing it off with a shy smile. But now, she believed in the truth of those words with her entire soul.

Aslı had always seen her beauty as an enemy. An unnecessary burden that drew others’ attention… She avoided mirrors, knew nothing of makeup, never visited a hairdresser. If a dress suited her, she would refuse to wear it. But that morning, she saw a woman in her reflection. For the first time, she felt like a woman. Her eyes moved past her reflected image and returned to the daisies. “Me and the daisies!” she said. “We are so beautiful. I’ve become a daisy too.” As she spoke, her face and voice carried the excitement and charm of a small child. Nature seemed to stand before her like a living being; its branches embraced her, its breeze caressed her hair, its soil called her to take root. Aslı opened her heart to this call; her soul boiled to merge with life, to become one with it. “How strange,” she said. “My heart is surging like an ocean. A burning river flows inside me. Is this really me?”

At that moment, one of the lower buttons of her nightgown came undone. As she reached to fasten it, her thumb brushed the stitch scar that ran the length of her stomach. A freezing cold rose from the depths of her mind. It climbed her neck, turning into a shiver at the roots of her hair. Immediately afterward, a shadow flashed before her eyes like a sudden, dark lightning. The deadly cold of the metal that had torn her stomach and the burning heat of the blood on her hands… She remembered again those savage eyes blazing with hatred. Her throat went dry. Her breath caught. Her palms sweated, her body began to dissolve. Her ankles trembled. Her pupils dilated. Everything around her began to spin. She grasped the window frame with her hand.

Just as she was about to collapse… Güney’s face appeared before her eyes once more. She heard his compassionate voice asking, “Are you okay, Aslı?” She took a deep breath, slowly exhaled. For several minutes, she watched the daisies until her body relaxed. Wiping the tears streaming down her cheeks, she whispered in a trembling voice with a bittersweet smile on her face: “No… Everything is so beautiful… Me and the daisies—we are truly beautiful.”