Chapter 1
It's me again, with my life in a jungle.
To be honest am tired, God am so tired, sometimes all I want is to, look at the stars, and scream out , why dont you make my wishes come to pass.
Then why are you called wishes stars?
Then again I remember that's all fantasy, I wonder if , anyone have ever felt tired , but can't even rest.
Lord that's how I feel, I am pressured, school, life, future, social life, emotional life all for me alone.
Lord isn't that to much for a little me.
Sometimes I wish I was 9 again, where all I did was play with dolls. But now am a teen, I need to starts thinking of highschool, college, job, marriage, family, all for one human.
Am tired and to be honest, sometimes am like, can't I just sleep and wake up, and I find everything corresponding, why can't they just be congruent, must I prove the reason?.
Am tired Lord, I am really trying, but at some piont I doubt, you, me, nature, the reason I was born.
Am sorry Lord, because I was told not to ever question you, but all am saying is .....
why did you create me, why am I black, why dont I have long hair like white girls.
Why do I not have friends like the popular girls, why do I have to stretch, but they just have all.
Why am I ugly and they are pretty, and have friends, teachers adore them. Why am just a ghost, Who is known only when being called,.
But what if am never called?
God i really have alot of questions to ask you, but I know I will cry too. Because it hurts so much.
I look at myself in mirror and say am pretty, then when I look away from the mirror, and look back i can't see my face.
Do you get me Lord?
I wish I had friends, or even a sister.
I really wanted a sister maybe, we will do tiktok, wear same clothes, get the same hair style done, same shoes, same nick names. Maybe the winks sister.
But no you gave me 3 awesome brothers, yes. But I need a sister, there are so ,any stuff I need a sister to talk to.
But I see kids who wish to be alone, but ended up having sister.
What i have notice in life is, those who ask never gets. But those who dont care always gets .
Why is it like that Lord.
You said in the bible , ask it will be given, knock it will be open. But here I am and all I see is......l.!
Am just tired Lord, my emotions are tired too. But I come to you, please help me, at least let my peace, smile, joy, never fates away.
I want to make my parents proud, because I know how it feels to be called, and looked like disappointment.
I dont want to go back in that 2023 line, where I was a disgrace.
Now am finally, being called a blessing please let it be forever, because the heart hurts, the city might never feel rain. What it my rainbow only shines In The north, and not in the south .
Lord am scared, so scared, what if my future don't go as I want, what about my goals, for being a lawyer. Wishes and goals are totally two different words.
Wish, is when you just hope for something, without even putting effort on it, or reflective on what you need to have it.
A goal is something from the heart, something you acknowledge that you will have to work for it, earn it and also, like a map that you draw since you were a teen, and you are ambitious to achieve it. That's a goal.
I hope my goal stays ambitious, and fulfilled.
A......Amen
