Chapter 1
I remember the moments when I look at the mirror and all I could see was failure.
I remember when I told my self who am I.
I remember when I will cry in the dark for the past 5 years.
I remember doubting if I will ever see peace.
All this feeling was on one hand.
I feared everything, around me. Myself, my heart, my mind, especially my thoughts.
9 years old me, it's silly how I used to be brilliant, special and all that, but when I was 10,11,12 I better not go back there.
When I look at myself today I just laughed, and wonder if this peace was ever guarantee.
What is life beyond, humans piont of view.
We intend to please humans, morethan our self.
I went to school I had friends, I had what I needed , but still the pain was so visible.
Lord I remember how tired I was, I remember the fear of being neglected, I remember being useless, I remember wanted to end it all.
But lord I wonder why I kept going, but now I see why.
As it is being said by me, our condition is not our conclusion.
This is a statement I want to keep in mind.
I remember when I sad in the dark, lord I cried, I shouted but no one ever heard it. But I know you did.
You remember when I was in fire, I was burning I felt like the life was so dam over, but still here I am.
I just wonder how my 10 years old me, would feel seeing me this whole again.
I remember being called disgrace, I remember being compared to siblings, cousins, other kids.
I wasn’t intelligent I was dumb, I was neglected, but still am whole again, I remember when I shot you out lord, I refused to turn to you, but I came back. To be honest I don't know where this resilience keep coming from.
When I think of my hometown, yes I miss it, no I dont want it to be how it was. Cause it was hell.
I came to a new country, new state, but things became more, and more frustrating, people hate me. Now its about my short haircut, you know what, I will be me, I will succeed, because am smart, am loved beyond words can tell.
If I could still smile after all that, then am capable, am history, am a story, and I will tell no matter what.
I am seen, I am understood beyond notice. I can make it, I can be a lawyer I can help kids, I can build an orphanage, I can donate to the needed, I will help the sick. My vioce will be known.
I will not be erase, that I know it. I will be an influence to others one day, I won't change if am not wrong, cause God loves me, he sees me, even after I when a way from him, he found a way to brought me back to him.
I know its hard to love ourselves when people, make us feel down and bad.
I know is hard to say I fit in, when our life doesn't fit in.
I know its hard to say is belong, when the city, our feelings, and our hearts, dont feel safe.
People will hate us for no reason.
Family's will come and go.
Friendship, crushes, will be crushed in our very own eyes.
Relationship will end even before it becomes real.
People will fake life on social media.
That's all part of the human race, we all are meant to see, or experience stuff like that.
But guest what, if they leave, we will still have life.
Because we can be something without them.
Don't make your life dependent on people.
Friends will come and go, yes it will hurt. Failure will come. But guess what, we can over come, our spirits have resilience.
We will doubt our existence, we will want to stop, but guess what, Jesus gave us life, let us live to it. For his clory is all upon us.
Yes our faith will be tested, it is part of our Christian journey, we will want to give up, but we shouldn't. Because our condition is not, and shouldn't be our conclusion.
Jesus loves us
