Luminara

Suya sprinted from one room to another, frantically searching through her cupboard in one room, sifting through piles of clothes, trinkets in another. Each item she lifted felt heavier than before. Her favorite olive grey cardigan that Kat had knit for her, a small notebook that she had secretly stolen from Edward on a summer afternoon, and the Hufflepuff mug they had argued over who it belonged to - all fragmented memories of her past, she wouldn’t let go. She was sure she would end up missing something or the other while packing, so with a focused intensity she looked over all the sticky notes her friend had plastered everywhere in her room, on the floor, in the bathroom cabinet, under the table. Suya thought to herself if it was not for this best friend of hers, she would not have been doing this. A lump formed in Suya’s throat, tears streaming from her eyes with a painful yet beautiful recognition of how deeply her own sense of self was intertwined with Kat’s steady, reassuring presence.

She caught her reflection briefly in the mirror—dark hair pulled into a careless knot, loose strands clinging to her tear-damp cheeks, her eyes tired yet glowing with a quiet resolve. There was a softness to her features that her mother always said resembled her father’s, but Suya always felt she was a reflection of her mother’s. She barely remembered him, but today, the ache of missing him pressed a little deeper than usual.

The suitcase flaps gaping wide across her bed, half packed, half empty just like the state of her heart. How difficult is it to pack your entire existence in a suitcase? Carefully sifting through the things to take and things to leave behind. As if choosing which memories would accompany her and which she’d leave behind. It was a ruthless process, keeping close the parts that she would need in her uncertain future, while carefully packing away the rest, storing them in the attic of her mind like old photographs in a dusty album. She sat down at the table near her window overlooking the ocean glancing at the soft glistening of the sun on the currents, her hands clutching a small photo frame of the three – herself, Kat and Edward.

A regular day at the beach when the tide was low and each of them holding a sand dollar in their small palms. Her thought train stopped at Edward, the starry eyed boy she had fallen in love with. Kat, the only friend that felt more like family. It was a difficult time for her now that she had to leave two of her constants, the people who reminded her that life was worth living. She felt as if she were a ship whose rope was severed from the dock, forced to move away from the shore, to set sail for distant lands.

The thought of relying on herself felt challenging, something she was not great at doing. She had always leaned on Kat’s unwavering support and Edward’s quiet strength. But now standing on the precipice of a new beginning, she realised this journey was not about moving to a different place away from home but becoming a better version of herself who could stand on her own. Even if it meant carrying the absence of her dearest friends and familiar streets by inviting a hollowness in her heart. With a deep breath, Suya brushed away her tears and zipped the suitcase shut. It felt heavier than she could carry, as if she knew it wasn’t just the clothes or supplies inside - it was the weight of the emotional turmoil going within her.

The airport was buzzing with the familiar echoes of suitcase wheels rattling across the immaculate floor, hurried footfalls of anxious passengers and the mechanical humdrum of the announcements. Amidst this, Suya stood at the gate lugging around her suitcases. She had figured she would need to bring 3 since all things back at home deemed necessary to tag along. Kat’s eyes were bedewed with tears and Edwards’ casual demeanor seemed to falter as he was at a loss to find the right words, staring into the abyss, just to avoid any eye contact with Suya. Finally, Kat was the one to break the silence. She pulled Suya into a bear hug as if trying to shield her from all the uncertainties ahead.

“Promise me , you will call every chance you get,” Kat said with a deep concern in her voice. “And also don’t forget to eat, okay ? I know your habit of skipping meals when you are stressed.”

Suya let out a snort to lighten the mood though her chest felt tight. “Yes, Mom, I’ll remember. Sticky notes don’t work over long distances, make sure you send me reminders via text.”

Kat chuckled, “Don’t tempt me otherwise you might get daily check ins of brushing your teeth and eating your food.”

Edward was pretending to be nonchalant all this time, his hands were in his pockets, and he looked at Suya with such an intensity that made her heart ache.

”You are a brave person, my love. I know you will get what you want.” he said, his voice deep and steady accompanied by a gentle squeeze of her hand.

She was pulled back into a time where she had spent sprawling picnics on lemon yellow gingham blankets in his little garden, the scent of freshly baked scones by Uncle Henry which she loved; the rhythmic clip-clop of hooves as they rode side-by-side at the beach the wind whipping through her hair; the way she kept bumping into him while guiding him through the steps of a cake recipe and his goofy floor-dusted face; the thrill of leaning into him on his second-hand Kawasaki KX450 bike and the world zapping fast in a breath, their stolen kisses and whispered promises at McDermott’s Castle; his skin gleaming bronze under the golden sun, all these memories impressed like the words on a grave stone, a chilling epitaph to a love that was short-lived. She remembered the look on his face when she had first shared her plans of moving to Italy for studies. In that moment, she felt that she had lost something she would definitely regret in the future. Kat nudged Suya gently to pull her out of that trance. Suya blinked, her eyes glassy, as if she was struggling to keep her emotions in check. She nodded slightly, swallowing hard on that feeling of remorse to keep herself from breaking down.

Turning to Edward, she exhaled shakily, “Thank you Ed, for everything. Love you.”

Her words came out barely above a whisper, but he heard them. They felt genuine rather than forced. He had spent weeks nursing anger and resentment toward her, convinced that her decision to leave was an act of betrayal. Her words are flaky and frosty just like her heart, he had thought to himself. But this time, they felt undeniably sincere. The quiet conviction in her tone pierced through his armor.

Edward reached out, hesitating for a moment before pulling her into a brief but firm hug. “Take care of yourself,” he said, his voice quieter now. “And don’t forget to look at the stars sometimes. They’ll remind you of us.”

Kat placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, anchoring her in the moment. Noticing that the line was growing, Kat signalled Suya to join at the back of the queue. Suya turned to Kat then Edward, taking in their faces as if imprinting them in memory. “I’ll be sorely missing you both”, she said, her voice breaking.

With one last look, Suya turned and walked towards the line. She kept moving forward and handed her boarding pass and passport over to the lady at the gate. The security officer validated them with a quick glance and a nod.As she was just about to head over inside, she heard the hurried clatter of heels against the tiled airport floor sprinting towards her. Turning instinctively, she saw her mother rushing toward her, slightly out of breath, her face a mixture of relief and worry.

”Suya?” her mother shouted winding through the crowd with a concern of uncharacteristic urgency.The security office tried to stop her from walking in through the gate.

Suya’s heart sank as she moved towards her mother at the spot beside the entrance gate . A knot of anger tightened in her chest as she watched her mother approach-small yet steadfast, her short dark hair neatly cropped around her face, streaked faintly with silver. Worry lined her warm, almond-shaped eyes, eyes that carried years of quiet endurance. Of course, she would be late. She always was. For every school event, every dentist appointment, every basketball competition Suya played and the inter-collegiate baking competition that Suya had won. She missed her father dearly in those moments, thinking that it would have been better if her father were close. This was exactly why Suya hadn’t bothered asking her mom to come earlier - she didn’t want her hopes to be crushed to disappointment if she didn’t turn up. What other important work could she possibly have than to see off her only beloved daughter, she thought to herself.

“Really, Mom? You couldn’t even get here on time for this?” Suya snapped as her mother reached her. “I’m leaving, and you—” Her voice wavered, the lump in her throat growing.

Her mother didn’t say a word. Instead, she pulled Suya into an embrace, wrapping her arms tightly around her as if she could hold back time, this moment. “I’m sorry,” her mom whispered, her voice stuffed with emotion. “I tried... traffic was terrible, and I just... I couldn’t let you go without seeing you one last time.”

Suya stiffened for a moment, her anger still simmering, but as her mother held her, the tension in her shoulders began to melt away, like the earth sighing a relief as the rain kisses its weary surface after starving for life in summer’s slumber. She didn’t want to admit it, but she was grateful her mom had come, even if it was at the last minute.

“You’re always late,” Suya muttered, her voice muffled against her mother’s shoulder. “Always.”

“I know, sweetheart,” her mom said softly, her hand gently stroking Suya’s hair. “And I hate that I hurt you. But I’m here now. Are you ok, my child?”.

Suya sighed, pulling back to look at her mother’s face. There were tears in her mom’s eyes and a reflection of her own. Despite her frustrations, a part of her was glad—relieved even—that her mom had made it in time.

“I am, Ma,” Suya admitted quietly, wiping at her eyes. “I am”. Her mother cupped Suya’s face in her hands, tender but firm. Gently stroking her cheek she said, “You’re going to be amazing, Suya. I believe in you. Don’t let anything or anyone dim your light, okay? You’ve got so much of your dad in you—his determination, his resilience. You’ll make us proud.”

Suya swallowed hard, nodding. She didn’t trust herself to speak without crying.Before she could respond, the security officer gestured impatiently, signaling that it was time for her to move.Taking a deep breath, Suya stepped back, the warmth of her mother’s hands still lingering on her cheeks. She turned toward the gate, the weight of her mother’s gaze pressing down on her shoulders. As she handed over her documents one last time, she glanced back to see her mom standing there, her hands clasped, a single tear tracing a path down her cheek, but her smile, oh, that smile!It would be seared into her memory, like a brand upon her soul.As much as she had dreaded leaving, the fact that her mom had shown up—even late—meant the world to her. The warmth in their embrace would be her blanket against the biting winds of life’s winter.

Kat and Edward stood there, watching her until she disappeared into the crowd after meeting her mom. Kat sniffed, dabbing her eyes gently with a tissue. “Do you think she’ll be okay?”

Edward didn’t answer immediately, his gaze fixated on the direction Suya had gone. Finally, he said, “She’s stronger than she thinks. She’ll find her way.”Kat nodded, leaning her head briefly on Edward’s shoulder.

Together, they stood there for a moment longer, silently wrapping their best wishes and love and sending it towards Suya as she embarked on her new journey.

“I just wish we could’ve done more for her,” she murmured.

“You did, Kat,” Edward replied firmly, tilting his head to look at her. “We both did. She knows she’s loved. And that’s enough.”

Suya’s mother approached, her arms outstretched, her eyes hinting a color red. Without hesitation, she enveloped both Kat and Edward in a warm, tight hug.

“Thank you,” Suya’s mom whispered, her voice trembling as she held onto them. “Thank you for being there always for my daughter. For loving her when I... when I couldn’t be the mother she needed.”

Kat hugged her back, her eyes welling up again. “She’s family to us. Always has been.”Suya’s mom pulled back, her hands lingering on their arms.In that moment, Edward thought how fortunate Suya was to have someone who loved her so deeply, even if imperfectly.“She’s going to be perfectly fine,” Edward said softly, his words meant as much for Suya’s mom as for himself. “She has so much of your strength in her.”

Suya moved ahead to the checkin counter. Though the line was long it moved quickly, she managed to get it all checked in time. She put her luggages on the conveyor belt and walked in through the scanner. Collecting her suitcases on the other end, she moved towards the immigration control area to get her visa, biometric checks and her passport stamped. She moved towards the departure gate and stood in front of the indicator to check flight times and gate numbers. She was supposed to go to gate number 20 and she had only 30 mins before the final departure.She found a seat in the waiting area , plugged her headphones and relaxed a bit before boarding.She was struggling to swallow the wave of emotions that were constantly overwhelming her.Finally, a voice came over the loudspeaker announcing that boarding would soon commence for flight Aero Lingus EI402 and that all passengers should gather at boarding gate.

She boarded the fleet of stairs leading to the airplane . She handed her boarding pass to the flight attendant with a polite smile and made her way down the narrow aisle, finally settling into her window seat. The air in the cabin, thin and unfamiliar, did little to dispel the thick fog of trepidation that clung to Suya,with a poignant taste of homesickness. Placing her backpack under the seat in front of her, she exhaled deeply, leaning back against the headrest. The hum of the engines filled the cabin as passengers hurried to find their seats. As the ground fell away beneath her when the flight took off, she felt a faint jolt and looked out of the window. The familiar coastline of her country receded below, like a child’s lost balloon drifting into the vast, boundless sky. From the tiny view of her window she was trying to place her little town of Wave Crest , the people who lived there, whom she loved.She wondered if Edward was looking up at the sky. Or Kat. Were they still at the airport, loitering by the glass windows, watching her plane disappear into the horizon? Resting her head against the cool surface of the window, Suya felt the faint vibration of the engines reverberate through her.The dimmed cabin lights lulled her into a state of calm. She slipped her headphones on, choosing a playlist that pricked her nostalgia a bit more this time.

Just as she was trying to drift away into a sleep, her thoughts wandered to the farewell party Kat had organized just two nights before.The small café by the beach, her favorite spot, had been transformed with string lights,colorful buntings, paper lanterns, and a mix of pastel flowers.The warm glow of the orb spilled into the room.Kat had planned the details to the minute.From a playlist of Suya’s favorite songs to a collage of photographs spanning their years of friendship, to inviting an entire town of Suya’s friends it was evident how much effort she had poured into the evening.Suya could still hear the laughter that filled the space, the clink of glasses, and the hum of quiet conversations. She remembered Edward handed her a small box wrapped in lavender paper, his expression soft. Inside was a delicate sterling silver anklet adorned with pink stones. A smile spread across her solemn face. Kat had insisted on silly games, and there were moments of uninhibited joy—dancing barefoot on the sand outside the café, the light breeze carrying their laughter into the night. Even Suya’s normally reserved mom had made a rare appearance, standing quietly in the background but clapping along when the group burst into an impromptu singalong of Suya’s favorite song.As the night wound down, Suya found herself standing on the beach, gazing out at the darkened waves. Kat and Edward flanked her silently, each looking over the vast expanse of the ocean ,each wondering what lay beyond the horizon, beyond this moment of farewell. It was Kat who finally broke the quiet, her voice steady but tinged with emotion. “Promise me you’ll write. And not just to escape. Write so we know you’re okay.”

Edward didn’t say much, but as they walked back to the café, he squeezed her hand once—a small gesture, yet it spoke volumes. That was their way, she thought. Always communicating in silence.

After all, goodbyes are never perfect, they are always a bit messy, difficult and bittersweet. But for Suya, these were enough.