Chapter 1
Elaine was a horror and mystery to anyone who has crossed her path. Her life and her story has shaped her for the worse. In fact, the anguish and pain she had gone through in her old pack pushed her to leave. And since her old Alpha refused to let her go amicably, she decided to choose a fate worse than death for any wolf: to go rogue.
Constantly living alone and on edge normally pushed a wolf to breaking. But Elaine? She had already been broken before that decision. It was a life she’s left behind and has been far away from for a while. She was not the woman she used to be. Not in the slightest. No, she was pushed to the point of no longer caring for anyone. No capacity of empathy or gentleness. Not anymore.
Throughout her time as a rogue wolf, Elaine became hardened. And a tiresome warrior and hunter. She had to, in order to survive. The training she received as a previous beta family member came in handy for it. But she was filled with nothing but anger and hatred. All of which she spewed at the Goddess she thought also abandoned her. As a cruel twist of fate would have it, Elaine was the one rejected by her fated mate. All under the guise of keeping up appearances for the pack since another was pregnant with the future alpha’s heir. And what a cruel twist of fate it was her best friend. Or so she thought.
Her paws scraped against the forest floor as she finished another hunt. And she’s grown accustomed to being alone now. But her wolf still felt an ache, an emptiness. Being a part of a pack was just the most natural thing for any wolf. Yet she had to constantly reject herself each day in order to survive. It was better out here than to constantly be reminded of her rejection and the betrayal from all she was supposed to rely on.
Besides, no one would recognize her anymore. She wasn’t what soft and sweet girl she once was. Elaine was a cold-hearted monster, even in her own eyes. Far beyond broken, and far beyond being saved.
She secluded herself to a familiar area with a pool of water which a waterfall roared into. A safe space between territories of packs she didn’t even know. And she ate silently once again. Her wolf hadn’t talked with her for a while now. They both lived this hollow and bitter life together. Neither having any means to pick the other up other than to just be strong enough to survive. But Elaine missed that intimacy with her wolf, it was the only thing that actually made her feel some sort of softness in her life.
“Hey…” she spoke inside herself, expecting her wolf to remain silent. In truth, she didn’t know what to expect.
“Hey,” came a soft reply. Elaine eased up on herself, her hardened expression relaxing for once. Her wolf replied almost immediately. Perhaps her wolf was also feeling the same as her.
“I… I don’t know what to say.” Elaine replied.
“It’s alright,” her wolf replied in turn. They both grew silent again as she stared at the reflection of the moon in the pool of water before her. The silence stretched before Elaine sighed deeply.
“I… I want us to talk to one another again,” she finally broke the silence. Her wolf seemed to ease up too, and even relaxed at the revelation.
“I’ve been waiting for you.” Those words made Elaine’s heart ache. But she couldn’t cry, not anymore.
“I’m sorry.” She spoke softly out loud.
“Do not apologize to me Elaine, I am your wolf. I will be here for you until the end.” Her wolf reassured her. There was a time Elaine was not sure if her wolf would even make it. She used to be on the verge of death and wanting to give up on life the few years ago when she first went rogue. But both of them persevered. Still, Elaine felt as if she forced her wolf into this, despite the circumstances pushing them both to this spot.
“After what I’ve put you through?” Elaine asked finally.
“All you did for me was carry on burdens when I was too distraught to carry on. The reason we are alive is because of you.” Her wolf replied calmly, and even with tenderness. “I did quarrel with you about going rogue, but you were right. If we stayed we would’ve died to the heartbreak and rejection. Even if our mate still wanted us around.”
Elaine clenched her jaw at the words spoken, “he doesn’t deserve that. I couldn’t bear the idea of even staying. He was supposed to protect us, we were supposed to be at his side. We were supposed to be… the packs true Luna.” Her words hung in the air before she sighed in frustration at the emotions that followed and rubbed her temples. “It doesn’t matter anymore now. He may have wanted us to stay there, he may still have loved us, but no one could ever understand what we’ve gone through and it wasn’t fair for us to stay.” Elaine said in resolution.
“It’s not your fault Elaine, I know you don’t say it out loud but you’re too hard on yourself,” her wolf said softly. “I should’ve been stronger for you too. It was just impossible.” There was a hint of remorse and regret in her wolf’s tone.
“Don’t…” Elaine softened her approach when her wolf opened up to her after such a long time. “It’s not your fault either. We took a very hard blow. I swear, in our last life we must’ve done something horrible.” She laughed bitterly, but the sting and ache were still present despite the years of being alone.
“The Goddess is still gently sending me signs…” her wolf spoke softly, knowing Elaine was sensitive to hearing about the Goddess, having believed that she was abandoned by her too.
Elaine scoffed, “Has she not given up on us already?”
“Elaine… the Goddess loves us. Her heart broke along with us but we were in too much pain to see it. I hear her more clearly recently. Please could we… open communication?” Her wolf requested. And it was a lot to request for Elaine who wanted nothing more than to push everything and everyone away constantly.
Her throat tightened, “And why would she want to talk to me after how vehemently I’ve rejected her and even cursed her throughout the years? I deserve nothing but punishment by the Goddess, and to be abandoned.”
“You can’t truly mean that… and you know the Goddess doesn’t abandon any of her own. We are still her children.” Her wolf pushed back just a little, for the first time in a long time. It was both frustrating and… refreshing.
Elaine sighed sharply and looked back into the water in deep contemplation. What could the Goddess want to speak with them about? This didn’t happen often either, in fact, it was rare for the Goddess to reach out to any wolf individually. “Alright… it can’t be worse than what we’ve already gone through.” She relented, setting her hardened pride aside as she was finally open to reconnecting to the Goddess after the years.
Her wolf seemed relieved. But the both of them still were a bundle of nerves. “Alright, let me shift and I will take the lead in speaking to the Goddess.” Her wolf knew how hard it would be for Elaine, and Elaine didn’t even fight her wolf on this.
She shifted, her fur glistening beneath the rising moon. Her porcelain white fur seemed to glow underneath the moonlight, and it grew much longer due to the lack of being able to groom herself while being a rogue. It gave her a wild untamed look, yet she didn’t hate it.
“Goddess…” her wolf spoke. And the energy around the pool of water changed as the Goddess’s voice rang out from it.
“Elaine my child… I know you’ve gone through the worst pain imaginable. Your pack and your mate defied my law and decrees to save face, and it has not gone unpunished.” The voice rang through and left Elaine and her wolf speechless as her wolf sat due to the radiance of the Goddess. “My child, your fate has changed.”
“Changed?” Her wolf asked in confusion.
“Due to the rejection of your fated bond… it has been severed for some time. But I have other plans for you, and you are not, and were never meant to be rogue.” The Goddess spoke calmly. With such serene gentleness toward her that Elaine and her wolf had not had in such a long time.
But Elaine panicked inside at those words. No… no! “I… I cannot accept it.” Elaine spoke through her wolf this time. Her voice trembling with both the horrid memories that came back to her and her hardened anger and resolve to be alone. “I will never join another pack!” She howled out.
The Goddess should be furious with her for being defiant. For rejecting this new blessing as most would see it. But Elaine saw it as another potential curse. One that could break her again and she knew this time she would not survive. She would become so broken that she and her wolf would lose all will to live. It’s something she couldn’t afford. Something she never wished to go back to.
But the Goddess didn’t yell, she didn’t even sound stern in her voice. “My child… my poor Elaine. You’ve gone through enough. I will give you reprieve. You might resist it but it is coming to you.”
Elaine felt the panic rise at those words. Her years worth of hatred and indifference seemed to crumble as she went fully defensive. “No! No I don’t want it! I won’t accept it! I will fight against it for the rest of my life!” She tried to sound strong, to sound mature and sound. But she was just a broken and scared pup beneath it all. “I am a monster now and I’m only full of hatred and venom. They will not accept me and I will not accept them.” Her voice grew more volatile and angry. “They won’t want a rogue wolf who is untamed and vile. Who has no love or compassion left in her heart. It’s as black as the night sky and has turned to ash.”
Elaine’s chest rose and fell quickly from the whirlpool of emotions which struck her. But the Goddess left her with these words: “You cannot escape fate.”
