Aha!! All tactics are embedded in every cat's DNA.
We need to finally understand we can't win an argument with a cat.
That's it. End of story. Let me tell you how I reached that simple conclusion. Also, I'll explain how Houdi became a star. And then, made the jump to superstardom.
Allow me to go back in time for a minute...
So, today this happened. I made the tragic mistake of leaving YouTube running on my computer when I was distracted by a phone call. By the time I came back, Houdi(ni) was perched in front of the screen as she had just been handed the keys to the universe. The auto-play had queued up a whole series of “Cats Outsmarting Humans” videos: doors being opened, cabinets raided, locks dismantled. A feline masterclass in crime. Houdi didn’t need the lesson. She already knew how to get into anything. What those videos gave her was inspiration. She absorbed every move, every paw swipe, every triumphant tail flick. If she had thumbs, I’m sure she would’ve taken notes. Within hours, she was dangling sideways off the window frame, pawing at the trickiest door handle in the house. She wobbled a few times, then click—in she went, straight to the highest kitchen cabinet, where I had hidden her biscuits. I watched the entire operation with awe and dread. Houdi saw me watching too. And that was when she gave me that look.
You know the look. The wide-eyed, upside-down stare that says you are the centre of her world right until the moment snacks appear. She knows. I know she knows. And she knows that I know she knows. This is where my theory begins. Cats are connected to something bigger. They are not just learning from YouTube. They are receiving signals from somewhere else. How else could cats everywhere already know the same tricks? I am convinced they share information through a secret telepathic channel or are getting updates straight from orbit. Everyone tells me I’m losing it. Houdini is the only one who “encourages” me. Or perhaps she enjoys watching me unravel. The other night, she sat in the kitchen, staring at the ceiling. Her tail twitched in perfect intervals, like Morse code. When I whispered, “Who are you talking to?” she blinked slowly. That was all the answer I needed. I decided to get professional advice. At my therapist’s office, I explained: “My cat is communicating with extraterrestrials, and I think she’s gaslighting me.” The therapist gave me the same expression Houdi gives me. Calm, patient, but with a trace of disbelief.“Perhaps you are projecting some of your anxieties onto your pet,” she suggested. It sounded reasonable for a moment. I almost believed it. Until I came home. There was Houdi. Sitting in my chair, paws on the keyboard, YouTube playing again. This time the video was titled: Top 10 Ways to Make Your Human Doubt Reality. She looked at me, blinked once, and smirked. That night I heard her dragging something across the floor. I switched on the light and found her with my tinfoil, tearing off pieces and arranging them in neat little triangles. I told myself it was random, but they formed a perfect pattern across the rug. Houdi sat in the middle of her design, tail flicking like an antenna, eyes glowing with satisfaction. I turned off the light, went back to bed, and decided I’d deal with it in the morning.
PS: Can’t fall asleep. I’m just hoping she didn’t call her alien co -conspirators to have me kidnapped overnight. 😅
(To be continued…)
Until next time,
...remember what I said at the beginning.
Love,
Andreas
