VerdaBella (lesbian fantasy)(gxg)

I knew this day would come, just as I knew the rain would fall, and the sun would rise. A warm wind blew through the trees, scattering the dried leaves at my feet. I knew it would happen... and yet, I prayed every day that it wouldn’t. I prayed to every elven Goddess and God that I knew of. I cried out in the night, desperate that they hear me. I wanted, no... needed them to reverse the passing of time. Just this once! In my hand I gripped a small gold stone, it didn’t give nor flex under the force of my closed fist. My body shaking as stone after stone was piled on top of my papà’s grave. Jar, after clay jar of honey placed around it in an offering to God De’ath, so that he may take my boba to a peaceful resting place. My tears ached my heart, my mind a rainstorm of confusion, pain, and anguish. I’ve prayed summer after summer, winter after winter, and every spring to fall. I prayed day and night. I made bargains and deals with the gods. I was willing to give my life if necessary... But it was all in vain because he was stolen from me within his sleep... Who am I that the gods would hear me? I couldn’t learn magic fast enough to even save my Papà from old age... We elves live for so long; time is unaccountable as the many tens pile and stack.

But my papà wasn’t an elf.

And now, he isn’t here.

I tried to keep from crying as others gave their condolences to my Moma and me. My hands shook with the force of my closed fist, my nails dug into my palms as I tried to crush the gold stone but couldn’t. Magic kept him alive for as long as it could, and yet, it wasn’t enough. I begged him to hang on longer...but he was understandably tired. His body hurt and his mind was fogged with confusion and fear, whereas he was once full of stories, wisdom, and ideas... He grew silent under the weight of his pain, as if he too faded with his age.

Tears dripped from my chin as I stared at the space his cold body filled. How warm he always was, how his cheeks would turn red when he worked hard in the sun. Or how his face would change to plum purple when he’d laugh so hard, he’d almost faint. His hugs always made me feel loved, wanted and cherished. He made no mistake when he fell in love with my Moma. He regretted nothing in his life, other than wondering what happened to his first family. He was always happy, helpful, loving, and kind.

I wanted to save him from time itself, but I couldn’t... Will he fade from my memories as he has in life? Will I live for so long that I won’tmay not be able to recall his kind and loving smile, or the way he laughs? Will I forget the driven look in his eyes when he wa’s crafting a bow? Or the familiar way he smelled? I wasn’t ready to lose my Papà. I’m still so young.

The weight of my pain and guilt took over as I fell to my knees, sobbing. Everything crumbled within me. Every passing beat of my heart flooded my brain with the understanding that he was gone, and he wasn’t coming back. He’s my Papà, the one with wild stories from other worlds. The one who always pushed me to train with my sword as well as the wand. His belief in me was so strong it was as if I had accomplished ‘it’ already, whatever ‘it’ was. And now he’s gone, and I can’t revive him. I cried heavily for him, begging Goddess Aeryae to bring him back to me. Begging on my knees for him to return.

But he’s gone.

Why must death be so permanent!?! Why must we love then be forced to let go?! I wasn’t ready! I knew it would happen, but I still wasn’t ready! I wept, knowing my tears could do nothing to change the outcome. Knowing that no matter how smart, how attractiveincreasingly beautiful, or how magically gifted I am...it won’t return my Papà to me, and that made me cry heavier. My tears watered his grave, as they drowned my heart into a sorrow I’ve never before experienced, but always feared. I want one more hug, that I’ll never get. One more kiss on the cheek, which won’t come. One more “I love you, my little Verda”.

Just one more day! Goddess please! One more stinging day! One more day that I’ll never get. He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone... Why is he gone?

A hand gently landed on my shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. I didn’t need to look up to know whose hand it was. Without needing to verify, I placed my hand over hers, before I looked up at my closest friend, Nexus. She stood beside me; tears wet on her dark brown cheeks. Her straight, almost black hair was braided with feathers and fresh flowers woven into it. Her beautiful light green eyes looked down at me, she looked troubled. “I’m sorry, Jewels.” Her voice was full of pain. Her pain, for my pain. She loved my Papà, like a second Boba to her and h. He loved her, treated her like the second child they never had. She loved him almost as much as I did. “We knew this day was coming...” I whispered, even as the words tasted bitter on my tongue. I patted her hand, then stood up. The action alone hurt, I felt like I was abandoning him. That maybe if I stayed just a little longer, he’ll come back.

But he won’t.

He can’t.

I stood to my full height, towering over my full elven friend. She slid her arm around my waist and held me there, I took a deep breath, feeling comforted and loved. “Spero di incontrarmi di nuovo, nella prossima vita. Ti amo Papà... Mi dispiace di averti deluso. Che non ero abbastanza forte da tenerti con me. Ti prego di perdonarmi papà. Vi prometto che continuerò ad imparare. Continua a combattere. E...e...” My words in my Padre’s home tongue dissolved as I continued crying. I could hear my papà singing in my memory. His songs to me, of me...I miss him so much.

Bellissimo angelina verde.

Adornato in oro prezioso.

Scintilla come il sole.

Il mio dolce angioletto.

I cieli e gli inferni.

Mi hai Benedetto.

Le terre e I coeli.

Loro piansero.

Si, tra le mie braccia.

Sie atterrato.

Hai lasciato I cieli

Per tua mamma ed io...

Beautiful little green angel.

Adorned in precious gold.

Sparkle like the sun.

My sweet baby angel.

The heavens and the hells.

Have blessed me.

The earths and the skies.

They cried.

Yes, in my arms.

You landed.

You left the heavens.

For your Moma and I.

I-I’m so sorry Papà. I turned my back to his grave and forced myself to walk away. My knees felt weak, each step just as hard to take as the last. I wanted to run away, flee into the trees, and not look back. But my elven boots felt too heavy, m. My green tights too tight. My needle sword too cold and t. The golden rock in my hand felt like a mountain in my grasp. I can’t breathe... My MamàMamma stepped in front of me, saving me from my spiraling emotions. Her forest green eyes full of tears. “MamàMamma... I... I...” I cried, failing at being strong. Papà always told me to be strong, I just feel so drained and weak.

“I know, my VerdaBella. He was the only thing keeping you here.” she paused as the tears spilled from her eyes. My chest ached with the truth in her words,. I feel like I’m abandoning both my parents.

“I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye, Mamma...” My words choked me as they came fumbling out of my mouth. I looked away, feeling ashamed of my own desires.

She placed her hand on my cheek and forced me to look down at her. My Papà being a non-elf, stood taller than everyone here. I was next in height. My Mamma, she was a whole head shorter than I. My Papà, a whole head taller than me. Her skin was dark, easier to blend into the foliage and trees. My skin was lighter, because my Papà was Italiano, from a world called Urth. His home world.

“You’ve always been strong, my sweet Jewellian. Your drive to find magic is what pushes you on. I know you’ll do great things, my little gem eyed wonder...” She paused, fresh tears in her eyes. I felt conflicted, terribly conflicted. A part of me wanted to stay here and be with her ar. And yet, something stronger than I can understand, pulled me away. She kissed my cheek and spoke. If I could stay, I would... I wouldn’t leave my home, but I’ve read every book here, learned every spell that was available. I can’t grow in my abilities if I don’t have new teachers, with different knowledge and new books. If they’re not going to find me, then I need to find them. She kissed my cheek and spoke.

“Your Papà wanted me to give this to you before you leave, said it’s his last gift to you.” She stepped back and retrieved something wrapped in plain cloth. She gently placed it in my hands. I unwrapped the cloth, it revealed a beautifully etched leather satchel with the name Julian inscribed on it. I bit my lips, trying to not cry yet again.

My chosen name... He inscribed it with my chosen name. “Open it.” Mamma encouraged me. I lifted the flap to see folded fabric of green. I pulled it out, it was an elven magician’s cloak of invisibility. It was a beautiful cloak of variegated forest greens to make it easier to blend in. I wiped my eyes, my smile felt too big, my heart felt too much.

“Thank you, Mamma e Papà.” I pulled on the cloak and then hugged her to me.

“Be safe, my little Verda. Don’t trust anyone, especially the heus. Always be on guard and no matter what, do not eat or drink anything given to you without doing a detection spell.”

“Sì Madre.”

“Sii al sicuro, mia bella figlia.” I kissed her cheek and stepped back. Nexus took my hand. I looked down at her, confusedflicted.

“You’re not coming with me, Nexie.” I stated. She’s still too young, she doesn’t age as fast as I do... even so, the thought of going without her terrified me. I’ve never been without her, but if I take her, I endanger her...if I leave her, I abandon her. No options sounds like a good one but abandoning her sounds worse. I can’t risk her life though.

“You’re not going without me, Jewelli-” She stopped herself. She knows just as well as I, that names hold power. If I want to keep from being cursed by my name, no one must know it. “...Julian. I’m not letting you go alone. I have to protect you.” I snorted at that. “I’m older, I should be protecting you, my little tree spirit.” I smirked at her, smiling through my pain, she always had the ability to make me smile.

“We were born three days apart, Julian! And I was born first.” She said, her eyes narrowed, and ears twitched. “Besides, I’m your sage. I may not be able to do the spells anywhere near as good as you, but I tend to remember them better. You’ll need me... If you’re not here, then I have no reason to be either.” She whispered.

“Nexus, this is non-negotiable.” I stated firmly. She stood in front of me, her cheeks flamed in anger.

“Do you really think I’m just going to let you go?” Her nose twitched as she glared at me, her arms folded. A slow smile touched her lips. “We can do this the easy way or the hard way, Julian. Everything can be negotiated.” I love this elven nessa, how strong and willful she is, how clever and determined she can be... But I’ve made up my mind.

“Not this time, Nex.” I smiled sadly at her, but her eyes shined with fresh tears, causing fear to rise within me.

“Julian... you’re not really going to leave me here without you, are you?” Her voice cracked, she then looked away. My heart felt like a troll had it in it’s grasp and was squeezing. “I- I thought...” she trailed off before biting down on her lips. My fingers ached to pull her up against me and promise her that I’ll never leave her, b. But I’m doing this for her own safety... aren’t I? I feel confused and like I can’t think correctly! “Everyone said you’d leave me someday... I just hate that it happened so soon.” She whispered as she turned from me and began walking away. No! theThe sound of shattering clay and me falling to my knees froze her in her steps. I held her by her wrist, shaking.

“I-please...” New tears from a different pain dampened my cheeks. “It could be dangerous, Nexie. I only want to protect you.” A sob broke from me. She turned, crouched in front of me and pressed her forehead to mine. A familiar act of love we have done many times over the years. “Then give me the autonomy to decide for myself which dangers I should take on. Loving and protecting me shouldn’t be about choosing the steps I take, but about supporting me in the decisions I make regarding myself, Julian. We are burning fires in the night. If I burn up, it has to be by my choice.”

“I’m sorry, my sweet tree... I never want to hurt you or abandon you.”

“Then don’t, please don’t.” She whispered. I looked into her eyes, the tender greens of new life, echoed in the wisdom of her gaze. My lips parted, my heart racing. Is it fear that drove me to drive her away? Fear of being alone with her, away from the careful eyes of our village? Fear of what I might say in the heat of raw emotions? Fear of wanting something I shouldn’t want, and could never have? Maybe... but she’s right, she usually is.

“I’m silly to think I could resist you, Nexie.”

“I don’t want you to... and I’d have followed you anyways, you are not skilled enough to go alone. As my Great-Moma says, many ears make the monsters fear, many eyes keep the dangers light, and many hands take down large heus. We’re stronger together, Jewels.” I shook my head. No point in fighting her, I know she’s right. We stoodparted, both smiling and relieved, b. But something refused to leave my mind...who told Nexie that I’d leave her? And why?

We gathered items and met next to my Papà’s mound. Beautifully vibrant clay jars of honey circled his grave... one was broken, honey oozed out onto the ground, attracting ants, flies, and creatures to it. Hmm, that must have been that braking sound I heard earlier, I might have done that. I know, in time, each jar will fade as De’ath takes them. I know, my Papà is now in the beyond... and even though he is not an elf, I hope the elven deities take him regardless. He is home with us and it wouldn’t be the afterlife without him there. Nexie stood, staring down at the mound with hard eyes, anger rolling off her shoulders in waves. I will have to ask about that, it’s not like Nexus to be upset, she’s the calm, cool headed one. I turned my head to look at the pile of rocks and gently placed a single rock on his mound.

“Farewell Papà, until we meet again.” I whispered; fresh tears blurred my vision. Nexie took my hand in hers, I looked down at them for a moment before looking at her. Why is she so willing to sacrifice her life for me? She’s safer here. I opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted. “You’re not gonna leave without a goodbye, are ya?” The familiar aged voice of my mentor stilled me, I turned and smiled sadly at him. His kind faded green eyes regarded me softly. His green cap stuffed full of his grey hair. His dark skin wrinkled with time, perfectly aged like the bark of a wise tree. He glanced past me, at the grave. “Your Boba was more than any of us ever thought he’d be. Everyone, including me, turned our noses up in the air when he came wandering through like a lost duckling looking for its Moma. But your Moma, she saw him...she saw past our struggles to mix, and in doing so, made the most exceptional elf no one has the right to see.” I smiled through my tears at him.

“Thank you, Paldair.” His eyes came back to me.

“Where are you headed, child?”

“I don’t know yet. I’ve heard whispers here and there about high wizards and magic to the far east.”

He shook his head. “I suggest heading north-west to the Magic Lake. It’s a long journey, but I’ve gotten word that many high magic users gather there. Might be a good place for a gifted prodigy such as yourself.” His smile was sad and warm. I remember when I first spoke to him, h. He was an angry old witch who didn’t like anyone. I was a young child who wandered into his garden, which he allowed no one into, b. But before he could run me off, I immediately started asking him questions about his plants and why some of them had shiny sparkles on them. Haha, I was seeing magic sparks, which fascinated him. My Papà encouraged me to befriend the old elf. Telling me that my beauty is both a weapon and a tool, and that it’s best I learn to use it properly while young, so that others won’t be able to use it against me. I charmed Paldair with my curiosity of magic, my abilities to understand it, and my pretty gem-like green eyes.

“I’ll take that advice, Paldair. Thank you.”

“Now listen, you know that this forest is crawling with hunters and ill doers. You have to be as careful as you can be. Keep your wand with you, do not let your mind wander away. I know magic is tempting, but not everyone who possesses magic has good intentions when they see someone like you. You are much too beautiful, talented, and attractive. The heus, the elves, and every other type will want you.”

“Paldair-”

“I’m serious, Julian! You are a prize...-”

“I don’t want to be a prize; I just want to learn magic.”

“Unfortunately, that decision isn’t one you can choose. You are the grand prize, a trophy if any can manage to claim you. You’re a dangerous one, but one nonetheless. It doesn’t matter how great you are, if there’s enough of them, then you’re out numbered and... just don’t get into that type of situation, Child... please.” I shook my head, he’s right, as my Papà used to say, “Ahh my fierce Verda, there is little difference between great blessings and curses. C’e poca differenza tra grandi benedioni e maledizioni” I could hear his voice, and feel him laughing beside me. I was so confused yet fascinated by him... I miss him. I miss the way he was, not the ‘him’ he faded into. I took a deep breath.

“Alright Paldair... I’ll be cautious.”

“You’ll need to acquire a horse at some point for easier travel, walking with all your books will get tiring. Now I have something for you.” He opened his satchel and pulled out a small stack of thin papers. Red flecks of magic sparked from them. “Here are a few protection spells. Use them wisely, Julian. I hope you won’t need them, but I’m sure you will.” I gently took them, placed them into my bag, then hugged him.

“Thank you, old friend... for everything.” He rubbed my back, as we embraced.

“Don’t worry about your Moma, I’ll keep my eyes on her and make sure she’s alright. Now get going and remember the things you’ve learned. The teachings of the elders will stay with you, even when we are no more.” I kissed his aged cheeks, then stepped back.

“Goodbye, my friend.” I paused to look at my Madre. She stood, watching me... Then approached. “Madre” I spoke softly. Her beautiful smile bloomed on her lips. My lips, a replica of hers. “I love you, Mamma.”

“I love you too, my Jewel. I know many lands await your arrival. So go, don’t fret over me. It’s time you’ve found your great adventure.” She kissed both my cheeks and stepped back. “Just don’t forget where you came from, Julian. The world has a way of forcing you to abandon the ones who gave you your start. Remember that we all love you here... And Nexie, my sweet bookmoth, please be safe. Don’t let Julian bully you into doing something insane and pointlessly reckless.” Her eyes were warm as she regarded Nexus.

“Yes, ma’am. I will keep Julian safe too.”

“I know you will.” She pulled Nexie into a loving embrace. “Now go on before I beg you to stay.” We both gave one final goodbye before we headed out.

Leaving home, alone... for the first time.