Dating the Damned

Curled up in a blanket on the couch, with the soft crackle of firewood, its warmth filling the air as Zadie turns another page in the book tucked in her lap. She sighs, her mind drifting to the character on the page, just one of many she’s fallen for over the years during her quiet, solitary life. A warm flush fills her cheeks as she pictures him standing in the doorway between her kitchen and living room, leaning casually against the frame, dressed in black pants and a white shirt, with sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and the top button undone. With a familiar smirk playing upon his lips, his dark brown eyes catch the firelight and flash gold as they turn her way. Long black hair curled around his shoulders. Tall, dark, and morally grey, just the way she likes them, rather than the sweet, cinnamon roll that doesn’t stand a chance with her heart.

“Please tell me you’re not mentally undressing another fictional villain.”

Zadie jumps, her fingers fumbling to keep the book in her lap. Her cobalt eyes snap toward the source, a smile gracing her lips as she spots her black familiar sprawled across the cushions near the warmth of the fire. “Soot! You scared the crap out of me!”

The cat yawns wide, completely unbothered. “I had to. You’ve got that glazed-over longing look again. If you drool on that page, I’m not cleaning it.”

Leaning over, she places the book down on the table with a sigh, running her fingers through her white-blonde hair and pushing it back off her face. “You know it’s the only way I will have a boyfriend, or find love.”

“Bah, you are looking in all the wrong places.”

“I’m not looking at all, Soot. Not after the last one. Book boyfriends are safe, even if they are fictional.”

“So you burned your last one to a crisp. It happens.”

“No, it doesn’t. When I am out shopping, I see people all the time, living happily with each other. Holding hands, kissing, looking adoringly up at each other. Just like in these books. I am not worth the risk.”

“You are worth the risk, Zadie. Do not degrade yourself like that.”

“Fine. I will not kill another potential boyfriend because of my curse.”

Soot stretches out and flops to his side, lifting his gaze to meet Zadie’s. “Zadie, my bonded. I have been with you for how long now?”

“Since I was sixteen.”

“Yes, so twelve years. And who have you dated during that time?”

“Josh, Elliot and Desmond…”

“Right. Three…”

“Soot. I can’t. I won’t have anyone else die because of me.”

Soot rises and pads over to the couch. He hops up and crawls into her lap, a soft purr escaping him. “You are allowed to love Zadie. You love me.”

“It’s not the same. You are my familiar. I am a witch. It’s more of a bonding, than true love.”

“Ouch, I am hurt.”

Zadie reaches over and rubs his head. “You know what I mean.”

“I do, and I think you are wrong.”

“I’m not. They are all dead because of me. When I fall for them and my emotional connection solidifies, it’s like a key or switch clicks inside me. Once that happens, they develop a halo of fate, as I call it, but instead of being good, it’s a shimmer of doom around them. One that causes their death exactly seven days after that. As long as I keep my distance, everyone survives. It’s best this way.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do.”

“A car accident killed Josh. Were you driving? No, he was alone in the car. You are not responsible for the truck that t-boned him. Elliot fell off a cliff while out hiking. Reported as a freak accident. Desmond… Yes, well… The whole self-combustion while the two of you kissed in public could have been tied to you, but it might have been something else completely. Another witch who was jealous of what you had? Wrong place at the wrong time? But I will admit, since it was exactly when your lips touched, that is probably the curse.”

Zadie closes her eyes and leans back against the couch, letting her head flop against the cushion. Opening her eyes, she stares up at the white ceiling. “It’s not an image that leaves easily, Soot. That’s why I packed up the apartment five years ago, crossed the country, and bought this cottage in the woods away from everyone and everything. So the world, and especially the tabloids, would forget about me.” Her voice wavers as a broken sarcastic edge creeps in, recalling the different tabloids and their harsh words, with her picture plastered all over them. “You saw what they wrote about me… From smooch to scorch, or passion turns pyro…” She let out a short, humorless laugh. “My personal favorite was Human goes boom after hot kiss. Even his last name being Rasgar literally means to tear or ignite. The news was all over that with their headlines too, because some of them actually did their research. The Rasgar Effect: One kiss, one kaboom… Rasgar: Kiss me, incinerate me. My favorite of his… Spontaneous Rasgarbustion.”

Soot nuzzles her neck. “Zadie, the answer is right there, in what you just said. You have only dated humans. There are other creatures out there. Supernatural ones… ones not as weak as humans.”

“Hey, I am a human.”

“You are a human, yes, but also a witch, and your blood has a celestial tinge to it. The distinguishing mark on your back tells you so, along with your looks. Really, it’s not your fault some celestial being in your ancestry pissed off another by defying them.”

“I am not killing another innocent, Soot. I’m just not.”

“Just think about it, alright? When you decide to move away from your fictional boyfriend, which is called fictophilia, by the way, there is a dating app for non-humans. I think it’s called Supernatural Soulmates.”

“How original.”

“Hey, it’s better than the others out there. I mean WuvvyDovvy and Thirsttrapz? Gag me up a hairball.”

Zadie lifts her head and meets Soots’ gaze. “And what happens if there are humans on it? Those dating apps have people all over the world.”

“It’s not made for humans, Zadie. It’s for creatures like us.”

“Soot… anyone can write what they want on those and no one’s going to know the difference. If it’s on the web, humans can apply, and it’s not worth the risk.”

“It is, but it’s not. Look, it’s rare that a human stumbles upon our web, and if they do, it’s gated to only the shopping aspect. Nothing else. The dating app is beyond that.”

“And how do you know all this, Soot?”

Soot shrugs his shoulders and curls up in her lap. “I may or may not play on your laptop while you sleep. There are some gorgeous Ragdolls out there, and the Sphynx. Well, they just strut around hairless. No guessing what’s beneath the fur.”

“SOOT! I am changing the password!”

“Good luck with that. We are mind-linked, remember?”

“How could I forget? Fine. I will ponder it.”

“That’s all I can ask. Now, if you are not reading anymore, I am hungry!”

“You are always hungry.”

“Yes, but now it’s dinnertime, and you have not fed me since breakfast.”

Zadie rolls her eyes and picks Soot up, hugging him to her chest as she rises, padding to the kitchen. “And what would his ‘Majesty’ like for dinner?”

“Whatever you are having?”

“Peanut butter and banana sandwiches.”

“That is not dinner! Now make us something decent.”

She laughs and sets him on the counter. Opening the cupboard over her head, she rummages around in it and pulls out a package of cat treats and places it in front of him. “I bought you something the last time I was at the store. Dried sardines.”

Soots’ eyes widen as he bats the bag with his paw. “Really? I haven’t had these in forever.”

“I know. I haven’t seen them. It seems another company is putting them out now. You can have one after dinner.”

“Zee! You are evil! Open it now!”

Laughing, she pats the top of his head. “Fine, my spoiled one. If only to keep you quiet while I am making dinner.”

“Deal!”

She picks up the bag, tears it open, and pulls out five sardines, placing them on the counter in front of him. After sealing the bag, she tucks it back into the cupboard and sets about making dinner, smiling at the soft purrs and growls of contentment Soot makes as he devours his treat. Later, after dinner, she settles into the living room once more, book in hand, trying to focus on the written words in front of her, but her mind drifts elsewhere, replaying Soot’s comments about dating a supernatural.