Whoa!

"This was intense! You sucked me in from the beginning and didn't let me go! I liked that you took time in the introduction to set up her living situation and her relationship with the people in her family. It added a good layer to what was going on. The plotline was unclear, beyond the fact that something was chasing her. The whole scene was so well handled, with a break-neck pace (especially when she fell down), but I felt like it came to a very abrupt halt. If that's all there is to the story, I'd like to at least have an idea of who snatched her and why. It was a chilling ending, but it didn't really make sense to me. You could make it even more creepy by adding more details to it. Also, there were some areas where the language was a bit clunky, so I think that if you read through it, it would help to smooth out the language. Beyond that, good work! I would definitely read more by this author!"