My cat has a gun.
Genre: Horror, Comedy, Action.
My talking cat is trying to kill me.
I know how it sounds.
Crazy. Delusional. In need of stronger meds and maybe fewer of those true crime podcasts I’ve been watching recently
But my catistrying to kill me!
Not in the “oops I tripped on him in the dark” way or the “he stole my breath while I was sleeping” superstition. No. Tabby is actively, deliberately plotting my death.
Exhibit A:Last month, Xavier, the hottie from next door was helping me carry groceries up the stairs. We paused outside my apartment, laughing about something stupid, when out of nowhere a baby grand piano fell from above. It missed me by inches. Inches. The delivery guys swore it had been secured to the pulley. “Freak accident,” they said. But when I looked up, Tabby was sitting in the window. Tail flicking. Smirking.
Exhibit B:Two weeks ago, I was heading out for a date with the same hottie. I made myself a smoothie, chugged it in three gulps, and by the time I hit the car, my throat was closing. Nut butter. I’m allergic.
ER trip, EpiPen, date ruined.
Who was waiting on the counter when I staggered home, pale and swollen? Tabby. Licking peanut butter off his paw.
Exhibit C:The way he talks.
Yes, talks. I hear him sometimes. Whispering at night when the fan is off and the silence presses close. Words curling in the dark. “Not yet... not safe....”
I’m new in this town and I don’t have any friends to talk to. I try to think back if tabby has always been like this, but I can’t remember the exact moment the switch happened.
***
Tonight, the full moon climbs fat and white into the sky, and Tabby is restless. He prowls from window to window, tail lashing, fur bristling. His body is coiled so tight, he looks like a spring about to snap.
My stomach is a fist. I call the only person I know and can think of.
“Hey, uh, Xavier?” My voice shakes. “Can you come over? Please?”
He doesn’t even hesitate. “On my way.”
Five minutes later he’s at my door, messy-haired and warm-eyed, smelling faintly of soap. The kind of neighbor you definitely don’t want to be caught ranting about your homicidal cat to. But I can’t help it-I grab his sleeve.
“He’s going to do it tonight,” I hiss. “I don’t know how, butbut-T
he words choke off as Tabby pads into the room.
And he’s carrying a gun.
Yes. A literal, human-sized pistol in his furry little mouth. He then drops it at my feet, looks up at me, and in a clear, sharp voice says, “Duck.”
The gun goes off.
I scream. Xavier staggers back, a bullet hole through his shirt. For one horrified second I think he’s dead, until he starts laughing.
Not normal laughter. Low. Dark. Rumbling like a growl.
“Have you forgotten your training, oh great warrior?” His voice is deeper now, curling into something inhuman as he spits at Tabby. “These human toys don’t hurt beasts like us!”
His smile splits wide and his body ripples, bones shifting, muscles cracking. Fur bursts along his arms. His spine arches. In seconds, Xavier is gone, replaced by a hulking creature with the body of a man and the head of a wolf, eyes glowing blood-red.
A lycanthrope.
The word isn’t mine, but it echoes in my head as if it’s always been there.
“You’re mine now, Princess!” he growls, lunging at me.
But before I could even scream again, Tabby leapt.
Only he wasn’t Tabby anymore.
Mid-air his body twisted, rippling as if some invisible hand were remaking him. Bones stretched, muscles coiled, fur melted into skin. Armor seared into place across a chest I’d never seen before. When his feet hit the ground, a man stood there.
Tall, broad-shouldered, eyes still the same searing green as my cat’s. A warrior, fierce and wild, as if carved out of the stories I thought I’d dreamed as a child.
He planted himself in front of me, shoving me back with his shoulder.
I stumbled, heart slamming. “T-Tabby?”
He didn’t look at me. His gaze was fixed on Xavier, whose wolf-snarl curved into something almost delighted.
“Stay behind me,” the warrior growled at me-Tabby’s voice, but deeper. Older.
Then they collided.
The room exploded into violence. Xavier’s claws flashed, tearing through plaster and wood. The warrior met him stroke for stroke, sword gleaming silver as if summoned from thin air. Sparks showered, bullets cracked from the pistol he snatched mid-roll, each shot hammering into the lycanthrope’s chest. My apartment became a storm of blood and broken furniture, splintering wood, shattering glass, smoke choking the air.
Xavier slammed him into the wall with a sickening crack. He staggered, spit blood, then charged again with a roar that made the floor shake. His blade carved arcs of light, silver slashing across fur and muscle. For a heartbeat, he had the beast reeling, pinned.
But Xavier was stronger. He broke free with a howl, claws raking across the warrior’s ribs. Blood sprayed the wall.
“No!” I screamed, useless, frozen.
The warrior staggered, barely holding the sword upright. His chest heaved, breath ragged, blood soaking through the armor. Xavier lunged for the kill.
And in one last, desperate burst, the warrior drove his blade straight through the lycanthrope’s throat.
The monster shrieked, body convulsing, before toppling over and collapsing at his feet.
Into a heap of grey ash.
For a moment, silence.
Then the warrior swayed. His sword slipped from his hand, clattering to the ground. He dropped to his knees, blood spilling freely now, his body trembling under the weight of every wound. I rushed forward, catching him before he fell completely, my arms straining to hold him up.
His eyes found mine. Green-familiar.
I clutched his face, tears streaming. “Tabby! What-”
The warrior coughed, and blood sprayed out.
I clutched him closer, “All this time I thought you were trying to kill me-”
His hand rose weakly, pressing mine tighter against his cheek. “I was protecting you. I’ll always protect you,” he whispered, lips trembling. “Even if you forget me, forget my name. I will never stop-.” His gaze locked on mine, fierce and fading all at once. “Stop loving you...”
“Who-” I breathed, trying to talk past the tightness in my chest. “Who are you?”
His gaze settled on me. “Kael.”
The word detonated inside me. Memories slammed through me in a rush. Kael, younger, softer, arms slung through mine as we skipped the great halls together.
Kael, slightly older now, harder, skin marred with cuts and bruises, “training to be your guardian, princess.”
Kael, a man now, kissing me next to the rose bush as we both whispered promises under the night sky.
“Kael.” I whispered, voice broken. “How- how did I forget you? Us?”
His bloody smile flickered, faint but real. “The cross realm travel. It.. ripped your memories.”
Of course!
The portal my father, the king, created so I could escape the lycanthrope prince who wanted me.
And Kael.
Loyal and brave Kael who swore to protect me jumped beside me without hesitation.
“You knew who he was-” I whispered. “Xavier...”
He reached up a slow hand and touched my face. “I did. But I couldn’t prove it..Not until tonight, until his true nature...showed.”
I sniffled, tears falling down my face. His hand reached up, slow and heavy.
“Look at me, Maya,” he rasped, voice torn raw. “Don’t look away. Not this time.”
And then the hand dropped. His eyes glazed, breath leaving him in a shudder, body going still in my arms.
And Just like that, Kael was gone.
The silence that followed was unbearable. My sobs tore out of me, raw and broken, echoing against the ruins of my home. I rocked him like a child, cradling his head to my chest, fingers tangling in blood-matted hair. His skin was cooling already, his weight heavy with finality.
The boy who used to sit at the end of my bed until nightmares faded; the friend who swore I’d never be alone; the green-eyed guardian who chased away monsters in the dark. My Kael. My first love. The one constant in every fragment of memory I’d ever lost.
And now....gone.
The grief hollowed me out. My tears ran dry, but the ache stayed, a wound with no end. I whispered his name again and again, like it might anchor him here, like it might stitch him back together. But the body in my arms was limp, unyielding.
I pressed my forehead to his and let the world collapse around me.
“Until death do us part.”
I repeated the same promise we made many moon ago under a starry sky.
But then, something happened-
A movement from the corner of my eye pulled my attention.
A twitch.
“Kael!”
I held my breath as his lashes fluttered.
A loud cough. Gasp.
He bolted, sitting up.
I froze for a second before launching myself at him.
“What’s going on!” I mumbled in disbelief, feeling him all over for injuries. “How are you alive?”
Kael blinked, realization dawning. “The portal... my body couldn’t make it through. The mage had to bind me into something smaller.”
My jaw dropped. “The cat?”
He gave me a sheepish look. “Apparently. With... certain perks.”
It clicked. My laugh burst out, half-hysterical, half-relieved. “Nine lives. Oh my God—Kael, you literally came with extra lives!”
I threw myself at him a second time, inhaling his familiar scent.
“I love you so much, Kael.”
His arms tightened around me, solid. Warm.
“I love you more princess.”
For a moment, it felt perfect. Safe. Until-
I squinted at him.
“Wait-so all those times you were with me and I thought you were just a cat?”
Kael froze. “...Which times?”
“The climbing in showers. Huddling under my shirt. Kneading biscuits on my butt.”
His hand stalled midair, eyes widening. “I-I can explain-”
“You pervert!” I shoved him in the chest.
He stumbled, slipped-straight into a shard of glass. It lodged in his throat.
I groaned. “Oh, for God’s sake.”
He went limp. Again.
I stood over him, arms crossed, tapping my foot until his lashes finally fluttered.
When he sucked in a ragged breath, I leveled him with a glare.“That’s seven. And if I catch you peeping around my shower again, you’re going down to six.”
***
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