HAPPINESS AND DEPRESSION My Story of Silence

HAPPINESS AND DEPRESSION My Story of Silence and Resistance

CHAPTER 1 – A HAPPY CHILDHOODI grew up in the city of Buenos Aires. When I think about my childhood, the first thing I remember is calm.As a child, I was happy. I had friends, I played, I laughed without worrying about anything. Life was simple and safe. I felt that the world was a trustworthy place, that nothing bad could happen.Today I know that happiness was real. From a psychological perspective, this stage can be understood as a period of emotional security. When a child grows up in a predictable and caring environment, the mind develops with a sense of protection. At that time, I did not know deep fear or constant sadness, because my inner world had not yet been invaded by trauma.I never imagined that this calm could be broken.

CHAPTER 2 – THE CHANGEWe moved to Necochea. I was excited. I thought I was going to be happy, that I would make new friends and start something new.But the change was not what I had imagined.With the move came something I did not know before: fear. A silent fear, difficult to explain. My world stopped feeling safe. From a psychological point of view, sudden changes in childhood can generate anxiety, insecurity, and a loss of emotional references. I began to feel it without understanding it: my body reacted with fear before my mind could explain why.That was the beginning of something that would mark my life.

CHAPTER 3 – SILENCEWhen I was 9 years old, I lived through something that marked me forever.I was threatened to keep quiet.That moment was a breaking point. In psychology, this is called trauma: an experience that overwhelms a child’s ability to understand and process what is happening. My mind could not integrate what I lived through, so it did the only thing it could to survive: stay silent.Silence became a form of protection. But also a prison. From a psychological perspective, staying silent was a survival response: my mind understood that speaking was dangerous and chose silence in order to move forward, even though the cost was enormous. I kept everything inside for four years. I learned to fake happiness, to disconnect from what I felt. My body remembered what my mouth could not say.Trauma does not always appear as clear memories; many times it shows up as constant fear, tension, guilt, or unexplained shame. I was a child carrying a weight far too heavy for my age.

CHAPTER 4 – TELLING THE TRUTHWhen I was 12 years old, my mother asked me what was wrong.That day I could not take it anymore. I cried. And I spoke.Telling the truth was liberating, but also painful. After that, nothing was easy. At school, they made fun of me, and that was when I first encountered depression.From a psychological perspective, childhood depression can appear when pain does not find enough emotional containment. Even though I had spoken, my mind was still trapped in trauma. Telling the truth was the first step, but it was not enough to heal.

CHAPTER 5 – ANOTHER ATTEMPTYears later, we moved to Cañuelas, searching for a fresh start.But at school I suffered bullying: insults, mockery, physical aggression, and humiliation. I had no friends. I felt alone, rejected, and worthless.From psychology, repeated harassment can lead to learned helplessness: when a person learns that no matter what they do, the harm will continue. I stopped defending myself. I stopped believing that I could change anything. My mind began to accept pain as inevitable.My self-esteem slowly broke down. Depression settled back into me, accompanied by anxiety: constant fear, anticipation of danger, and the feeling of always being on alert.

CHAPTER 6 – FRIENDS AND DARKNESSOver time, I had friends, but the sadness was still there.On the outside, I could laugh, share moments, seem normal. On the inside, depression walked silently beside me. Anxiety was there too, showing itself as hypervigilance: always being alert, waiting for something bad to happen. Constant fear and repetitive thoughts would not let me rest. My body lived in danger mode, even when there was no real threat.From a psychological perspective, unresolved trauma can coexist with happy moments. You can smile and still be broken inside. I had learned how to function, not how to heal.

CHAPTER 7 – A NEW SCHOOLA new school arrived. New classmates. New friendships.I managed to make friends again. I smiled again. But that smile was not always real.I pretended to be okay. I pretended to be happy. Inside, depression was still there, reminding me of everything I had lived through.

CHAPTER 8 – KEEPING ON FIGHTINGI searched for peace, love, and genuine friendships.I had good moments and difficult ones. Life was not linear. Sometimes it seemed to get better, other times I fell again.From psychology, this is called resilience: it is not about being strong all the time, but about continuing despite the pain. Every attempt, every search, every day I chose not to give up was an act of resistance.Keeping on fighting became a way to survive.

CHAPTER 9 – THE RELAPSEDepression returned.This time I understood that it was not my fault, but an illness. Depression is not a lack of willpower; it is a condition that affects thoughts, emotions, and the body. I began psychological therapy to understand my story and learn how to take care of myself. Talking, understanding my emotions, and putting words to pain became part of the process.From psychology, I learned that healing is not about forgetting, but about learning to live with the wounds without letting them control your life.

EPILOGUE – THE FIGHT CONTINUESThis is not a perfect story.It is a real story.Today I know that trauma does not define who I am, even though it left marks. Silence was a way to survive. Anxiety was the consequence of living too long on alert. None of that was my fault.I know that depression does not make me weak. And I know that resilience is not about never falling, but about getting back up.I am still here. I am still fighting.And staying alive is already a victory.A MESSAGE FOR THOSE WHO ARE DEPRESSEDIf you are reading this and feel like you cannot go on, I want you to know something: you are not broken.Depression lies. It makes you believe that you are a burden, that you are worthless, that nothing will ever change. Do not believe it. What you feel does not define who you are.If you lived through trauma, if you stayed silent to survive, if your mind is always on alert, that is not weakness: it is a response to what you lived through.Asking for help is not giving up. Speaking does not make you less strong. Going to therapy does not mean you failed. It means you are human.Maybe today you can only do one thing: keep breathing. And that is enough.Staying alive is already a form of resistance.You are not alone.