I'm sorry
“All I ever wanted was to reach out and touch another human being not just with my hands but with my heart.”―Tahereh Mafi,Shatter Me
A small girl with bushy hair stood in the doorway waiting- Always waiting.
“Hermione darling, you understand? We won’t be able to make it to your recital; we have a conference this week. Mrs. Everton will be checking in on you- don’t forget to brush, yes, twice daily.”
“Sorry, sweetie, this trip is just for your father and me. We have a conference, but you’ll be okay with the neighbor for a bit, right? It’s only a week.”
It’s okay, I understand
“What no, I can’t right now, sweetie. How about you read those books Papa got for you while I work on this?”
“No, I can’t, not right now, sweetie. I have to finish this call. Maybe we’ll do that tomorrow.”
It’s alright, I understand
“Oh, top marks in 6 subjects? That’s nice, but… what’s this? What happened here in math..”
“Oh, you’re the odd one out on this, eh, Hermione? How about you pair up with that group? It might be a bit unbalanced.. But we can work on that.”
It’s okay, I understand
“Ugh- no, she’s so weird; all she wants to do is read..FINE, I’ll play with her, but you owe me.”
I’m okay, I understand..
“She thinks she’s so much better than us because she’s top of the class- what a bucktooth nerd.”
“What a bushy-headed nightmare, always trying to tell us what’s wrong.”
No, I get it. I understand..
“I’m sorry darling, we missed your birthday, but I put some money into your account for some books and bus fare. We’ll pick up some of your favorite takeout if we have time today.”
That sounds lovely. I understand..
“Ew no, she’s so ugly- blegh”
I, I-I understand..
“Excuse me, Mr. and Mrs. Granger- I just have to say, Miss Hermione is extraordinary. She’s dominated the district-wide testing grades; she’s easily marked the top percentile and currently holds the fastest time for completion and highest marks we’ve seen in years…. But we do see some issues socially...”
It’s okay, Papa- Mama, I understand..
“Your daughter’s a witch”
“We won’t have time to spend together before you leave, but we’ll drop you off at the station. We can’t have an owl coming to the house or, God forbid, the practice, so you’ll have to give us a report when you get a chance through normal mail, okay?”
No, I understand…
“She’s just so mature for her age, we don’t have to worry about our Hermione.”
“She’ll be fine, she’s always been independent.”
“She’s always lost in a book or homework. She won’t miss us.”
“She’s insufferable”
“She’s a know-it-all”
“mudblood”
“She’s a real nightmare, no wonder she doesn’t have any friends.”
━━━━༻❁༺━━━━
Even in the midst of tragedy, there was something beautiful etched into the afternoon sky, a soft ember haze combined with a cornucopia of flashing lights, sparks of magic- of silver wisps of unimaginable joy tangled into the depraved desires of dark wizards and creatures alike. An entire world of great and noble myth came alive only to extinguish the lives of those who desperately dreamed of a chance to truly experience it.
Hermione cried out as she struggled to fend off the death eater in front of her. His mask was half cracked, showing glimmering pale skin, and sweat from his forehead dripped down his face as it was swallowed by his malicious grin. His eyes followed Ron’s bright red hair as he rushed to save Lavender from Greyback. He had promised her, apologized, and sworn to never again leave. He had kissed her in the Chamber of Secrets after destroying the cup, yet he had left her in a second- he had never looked back as this monster moved to prey on her.
“You’re all alone now, mudblood.” His low timbre slithering into her ears and seizing her mind.
Her heart was beating, her hands shaking as she non-verbally lobbed a langlock at Dolohov, her mind closing in as her scar seemed to come alive-it was the department of mysteries all over again. It struck true as his face twisted in anger. He began to sprint toward her-flashes of red and yellow jumping from the tip of his wand. She could feel his magic, it burned past her face her arms and ripped through her scar as if the dark remainder responded to his will.
She turned to run, casting a protego as she jumped over a crumbling wall, trying to put some distance between them. She tried to control her breathing as she ran, turning down a corridor-the screaming muffled as her heartbeat seemed to drown out the noise of the battle around them. She felt it the moment the disgusting tendrils of his magic began to wrap around her body- in an instant her legs and arms were enveloped in ropes, some slithering up around her neck and mouth as she fell. She knew the moment Ron left her that she was dead, she was never as skilled in dueling as Harry. She would never be able to take down one of Voldemort’s most long-standing and sadistic followers on her own. Her face slammed into the stone floor, causing her to cry out as blood filled her nose and mouth. There was a crunch under her shirt as a stinging pain dug into the skin of her chest.
Dolohov simply looked down, his face pained with disgust as he used his boot to roll her onto her back, only smiling once he noticed her choking on her own blood. He moved his hand to wave over his face; a glimmer of magic sparked from his fingertips as the finite was cast.
“I learned from our little dalliance in the department, mudblood.”
He removed the remainder of his mask, tossing it to the side as he walked slowly around her prone form. He licked his lips as he noticed her tears, the small whimpers she made as she struggled against his conjured ropes. He glanced side to side, the corridor she led him down ended at a dead end. Not a single soul shared the space with them. He chuckled as he leaned down to straddle her hips, another wave of his hands and the ropes around her neck vanished. She struggled against his weight, tossing and kicking her legs and body as hard as she could. Her whimpers turned into gurgles as blood flowed faster as the adrenaline surged.
“The golden mudblood deserves a more personal experience. I’ve been waiting to pay you back for a while now.”
His eyes darkened as he wrapped his hands around her neck, his breath fast as he stared into her honey-colored eyes. He tilted his head, taking in her fear; his malicious smirk slowly formed as she bucked, his hands instantly tightened.
Hermione looked up as he strangled her, her vision darkening around the edges, yet there was an unmistakable pleasure taking over Dolohov’s face. He shuddered as he squeezed harder. She could feel the muscles in his thighs bunching and trembling as they squeezed against her hips and legs.
She didn’t want to cry in front of this monster; she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction, yet there was nothing that could control the flow of tears. She knew this was it, there was a tearing, stabbing feeling withering under her skin as fear and desperation rose. Not like this, she didn’t want to die like this- alone under the hands of a sadistic blood supremacist. Her life flashed before her eyes, small moments just waiting. Waiting for the moment someone would realize they could choose her first.
Waiting for her parents to come home.
Waiting for someone to pick her to partner with.
Waiting for someone to be her friend.
Waiting for the days to pass to enter into the magical world she’d only heard about.
Waiting for other witches and wizards around her to accept her.
Waiting for Harry or Ron to choose her too.
Waiting for someone to truly know her, truly want her.
Waiting to finally be enough just as she was.
Waiting for the day she understood why no one gave as much as she did.
She was given a slight reprieve from Dolohov’s punishing grip as the wall beside them exploded. Stone rained down over the both of them, crushing them under rubble. Stone cracked into Dolohov’s skull, instantly killing the monster. His mangled face fell across her as his ropes that held her disintegrated- the magic fading as his heart stopped. The stinging pain from her chest intensified-the time turner she had strung around her neck, cracked once with her fall split even more as stone rained on her chest. Her blood mixing with the time sand, Dolohov’s blood overflowing onto the crumbled shards, blending seamlessly into hers as a golden glow grew from her chest.
She couldn’t breathe, the stone crushing her into Dolohov’s cooling body. She couldn’t feel her arms or legs, yet a fiery burning sensation trembled under her skin, her magic swelling and colliding with the growing golden glow emanating from her chest. Between the cracks of the rubble, she saw a brief flash of brilliant red, flames surrounded her as she recognized the trilling cry of Fawkes.
Crying out in agony as the burning sensation intensified, a horrible tugging digging into her stomach as a red and golden light blinded her.
I don’t understand.
━━━━༻❁༺━━━━
Jan 30th, 1960 at 3:30 am
Thunder rumbled outside as the rolling thrum of rain started to fall, tapping along the roof of the hospital. The wind was violent as heavy drops drummed against the hospital window- a rare January rain.
“You’re doing great, Mrs. Evans. We see the head. I need you to bear down the next time you feel a contraction.”
“ Mom’s BP is 138/85, babies heart rate is 145.”
“Alright, the little miss is almost out, take a deep breath and push.”
The doctor gently moved the drape forward in order to get into a better position, the nurses around him read the vitals of mother and daughter. Mr. Evans stood slightly to the side of the bed, holding another bundle in his arms as he leaned over just enough to whisper encouragement into his wife’s ear.
“Rose, baby, you can do this; you’re almost done. You’ve done so beautifully so far.”
“This is the last one, Louis- I mean it, this is the last one you’ll ever get from me!” Rose screamed.
Rose barred down, clenching onto the metal railings as she groaned out. Slowly the baby pushed out into the doctor’s waiting hands. Quickly passing the babe to another nurse as he cleaned up and made sure she passed the placenta. There was silence, only the noises of monitors beeping and rain falling as nurses worked to clean the second baby. Louis leaned down, resting his forehead against Rose’s, gently kissing her before asking her if she’d like to hold their other daughter. She gave him a shaky smile, nodding while lifting her trembling hands to cup the tiny girl. She rested her against her chest as she leaned in to smell her hair, tears slowly leaking as she took in her daughter.
Louis moved to the nurse’s side, nerves rising as he noticed his second daughter had not begun to cry yet. The nurses were whispering to each other and abruptly stopped once Louis got close enough to see how pale the baby actually was.
“Is she okay? Why is she so pale?” His voice trembled.
The nurses were rubbing the baby’s back and legs with towels while another tapped the soles of her feet.
“She hasn’t breathed yet; we’re just trying to encourage her.”
The lights in the room flickered, the nurses and doctor panicked slightly, ushering out commands as if anticipating the power going out. Thunder rumbled loudly, shaking the panels of glass; the room descended into darkness, causing a sharp cry from the inhabitants. Emergency systems engaged as low light filtered into the room. Another loud boom of thunder as a flash of lightning illuminated the room in a golden glow. There was a sharp gasp, and then the cries of the youngest finally rang out. The power switched back on as everyone breathed in relief.
The nurses finally cleaned up the youngest and placed her into Louis’s hands. Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes as he slowly walked over to his wife and other daughter.
“Gods, they’re beautiful, Rose. I’m so proud of you. Thank you—thank you.”
Louis kissed the squirming girl on her cheek before placing her next to her sister on her mother’s chest. He gently ran his fingers through his wife’s red hair, staring at her trembling lips.
“You’re right, they’re so beautiful. My girls. Hello darlings, I’m your momma.”
Rose traced each girl’s eyebrows and cheeks, smiling as they wiggled against her chest. The doctor finished up and then stood up to remove his gloves and grab a clipboard from the counter. He started to jot notes as he asked the Evans some questions.
“You did wonderfully, Mrs. Evans. Both girls look healthy and are measuring out where we expect. Have you all decided on names yet?”
Rose smiled as she kissed the first daughter, taking in her pink skin and dark red hair.
“Yes, this one here is Lily, Lily Evans.”
Handing Lily over to her husband, she stared at her youngest, taking in her pale skin and dark auburn hair. Her little eyelids moving as she rested against her chest, wiggling close as if to feel more contact. Rose gently cupped her closer as she turned back to the doctor.
“This one is Hermione, Hermione Evans.”
