Chapter 1
Why is our daily battle with mental health something we are scared to talk about? If you break your arm, you have no problem talking about it and showing off the cast to everyone you meet. You’ll even want to fill it with signatures and messages, but when we have mental health challenges our reaction is to try to hide it from everyone around us. We don’t want anyone to know we’re struggling; they might think we’re crazy. We try to act like everything is okay and hope and pray it will go away on its own. We can read all day long on social media about different health challenges people are dealing with, from serious medical illnesses to having a cold for a few days…and I don’t want to diminish the gravity of those problems. I’m aware of them, and sometimes a comment on a Facebook post about what you’re dealing with is just the push you need to get you through the next day. I despise the fact that our world has come to that, but either embrace it or get left in the dust. I do know that you’ll rarely see a post about someone’s battle with their mental health, they are few and far between. With everything we have going on in the world around us, and all that information just one click away, one’s mental health is arguably the most important thing you can focus on improving. Everyone should be talking about it, but for some reason, it’s taboo. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimated that in the year 2021, 12.3 million American adults were seriously considering suicide, while 3.5 million planned a suicide attempt and 1.7 million went through with the attempt. Over 48,000 people died in the year 2021 by suicide. That’s an average of 1 death every 11 minutes. In America one person, a mother, a father, a sister, a brother, a friend, dies every 11 minutes because they feel hopeless and don’t believe there is a way out. Why are we not talking more about our mental health? Why aren’t there more classes available for students to learn about what to watch for? What is the reason for parents not being more knowledgeable about the topic and being taught on the warning signs?
I believe the time is now to make mental health a priority. We don’t have a choice. The priority to make it a top priority, or unfortunately, you may suffer the severe, tragic consequences. I believe we can and will save lives if we make discussions of mental health awareness a common topic of conversation and not one that people shy away from because it makes them feel “uncomfortable”. I don’t care about being uncomfortable anymore! You know what makes me uncomfortable? Knowing there are individuals in the world today battling their own personal battle with mental health who believe they are alone. Knowing there are people in the world today who don’t have anyone to talk to. Knowing there are people in the world today that believe suicide is the only way to escape. The scariest part about all of that…it might be someone in your own circle. I know from experience…trust me. It is time to make a change and begin to discuss these sensitive issues.
I’m fighting my mental health battle every day. I’m battling my depression, my anxiety, my panic, and all the crazy thoughts that come through my mind daily. I am battling each and every day to maintain control of my life. I don’t want to be the victim of my mental health challenges anymore. I won’t allow my life be controlled by anything or anyone else but me. I want to enjoy my life. I want to focus on the positive aspects of my life. I must be better, and I will be better, and I hope you will fight the battle with me. Let’s join together and fight this terrible, heinous beast that is taking over the world, one lonely individual at a time. Let’s join together, fight, and ensure it doesn’t win.
I want you to take a moment to think about yourself. Think about everything you have going on in your life, both good and bad. Now I want you to take your hand and point at yourself – hold it there for ten seconds and think about where your finger is pointing. Most people will point directly at their heart. Stop and think about this for a moment…
I recently heard this on a podcast I was listening to, and I couldn’t believe it. I did what they said and found the same thing you are likely to be aware of right now...your finger is pointed at your heart. I had never thought about this before. Most people will point at their heart, which makes sense…after all, it’s the motor that runs day and night pumping blood to our body to keep us alive. However, if you stop and think about it, who we are, our personalities, our hopes and dreams, our aspirations, what we like and what we don’t like, etc. All of that comes from your mind, not from your heart. Your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions, everything you do comes from your mind, but for some reason we don’t recognize that and give it the attention it deserves. I would argue that it is why we are in the arduous state we are in today. We are facing a worldwide pandemic, and it has nothing to do with COVID. It’s a Mental Pandemic. I don’t want to take anything away from anyone who suffered a loss at the hands of COVID…but this pandemic is not curable with a simple shot or a pill, this one takes time, it takes effort, it takes conscious, mindful WORK. It is not something that will “fix itself”, it will require a lot of WORK. Most often it will require medication or the assistance of a therapist or psychiatrist, and for sure the assistance of a loving group of family and friends who are willing to take the time to “TRY” and understand what you are going through. I used the word “TRY” on purpose, because no one will understand exactly what you are feeling. There are people who will understand some of what you are dealing with, but everyone’s situation is different, and it’s unrealistic to expect anyone else to be able to completely comprehend your situation. Don’t be fooled by searching for that...you won’t find it, but you can find those that will be supportive and uplifting.
Let me be perfectly clear right now, I decided to write this book for me. I’m a 43-year-old man and father of four from Utah. I don’t have an English degree, in fact, I’m not sure I did that well in English at all. I am not a therapist or psychologist, though I have spoken to my fair share. Except for the fact that I’m a blue-eyed ginger, there’s really nothing unique about me. I am battling through each day just like everyone else. I’m writing this book to assist me in my mental health battle. I needed an outlet, and I was instructed multiple times to start writing. I resisted it because, to put it simply, I didn’t believe it would work. I thought to myself...writing down what I’m dealing with is not going to make anything better. Finally, after receiving this instruction from numerous therapists, family and friends, I decided to give it a chance. Within a few hours, I had pages and pages of thoughts, ideas, and emotions written out. As I looked at everything I had written, I thought to myself, “there has to be people out there struggling with similar challenges, what if I could organize all my thoughts in a way that someone else could read and maybe feel relief in knowing they aren’t alone in feeling the way they do. I hope someone reads this and learns something they can use to assist them in their journey through the mental health crisis. As you read, please don’t believe I’m trying to preach about my success. I have attempted and failed more times than I can count on everything I will go over in the coming chapters. I’m still trying and failing, and I will attempt and fail numerous times to come. I am most certainly, a work in progress. I haven’t perfected any of the strategies I have used. Sometimes I think I have failed enough times that I should be quite good at it, but then I fail the next time, and my world falls apart for a minute and I realize once more, I’m a work in progress. As long as we continue to try day after day, that’s a victory for me. That is one of the things I have learned along the way. Learn to appreciate, be grateful, and give credit to yourself for even the smallest of successes. Sometimes, just making it through the day without screaming, yelling, or crying is a success in my book. Make sure to take a moment to acknowledge even the smallest of victories and give yourself a pat on the back for whatever it is that you did. On the flip side of that, when life gets the best of you and maybe you lose control a bit, don’t beat yourself up over it. Acknowledge the mistake, apologize to anyone you need to and keep working at it.
Writing this book has been frightening at times. I have had to be alone with my thoughts and feelings and that can be a terrifying situation. Especially when thinking and writing about some of the moments in my life that were extremely difficult. I don’t know about you, but in general, I think I’m a pretty happy individual. I enjoy making other people laugh and smile. I discovered in exploring some of these feelings and emotions, I have been sweeping everything under the rug for a long time. I have been striving to make everyone around me happy for so long, that I have been neglecting myself. I have realized that I don’t have to give up one for the other. I can make other people happy while still ensuring that I deal with my emotions and feelings. It doesn’t make me less of a man to express that either, although, I do feel that it is a major issue in our society as well. We have men who desire to be the man’s man. Men want to be the tough guy who is never afraid and for sure never cries. That’s bullshit. I’m a man, I provide for and take care of my family, but that doesn’t mean that sometimes the weight of providing for a family and paying the bills and helping to run a small business doesn’t sometimes get the better of me. It happens to everyone, so don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed when it happens to you. Embrace it! Own it! Acknowledge it for its purpose, and work through it. If you need assistance from a professional, get it. If you need medication, take it. You have people in your life who will listen and understand what you are feeling. Start talking to the people you trust, and you’ll find you have people around you who are dealing with very similar issues.
The events that have transpired in my life have been challenging, but I also believe that there are people who have endured far worse than I have experienced. I don’t want anyone to think I’m having a pity party or expecting anyone to feel sorry for me as I give my history and explain how I got to this point. As I said before I began writing for selfish reasons, it’s for me, while at the same time I’m hoping that this will help someone else. If my experiences and the work I’ve done can somehow help someone else, perhaps it would give the struggle some meaning and purpose. I’ve put my heart into this book. I have been honest with my thoughts and feelings, and it has not been easy at times. I’m hoping and praying that eventually it will find someone who needs to read what I’ve written. Please God, let it find the right individuals. Let it find someone who has been through something that they believe they can’t overcome. Let it find someone who feels they are at the bottom of a deep, dark hole they cannot possibly escape. Let them read this and find strength in knowing that they are not alone.
So, read on and remember, I’m not a professional, so cut me some slack. I have the experiences I’ve been through. I have learned what I have been taught by therapists, psychologists, family and friends...and a bit of reality TV thrown in here and there. I would argue that the latter is the best teacher of all. I can’t count the number of amazing lessons I’ve learned from watching Below Deck, The Challenge on MTV, or Vanderpump Rules, one of my favorites. If this book is successful and makes it anywhere, I’ll be expecting a call from Andy Cohen for an appearance on Watch What Happens Live.
Take the time to really read this. If something I’ve written impacts you, stop and revisit it. This is your book, so take notes, write all over it and make it your own. Read it and reread it, then hell, read it again. You will hear this a lot from me, find someone you trust and start talking. Explain what you need from them. Explain what you don’t need. Tell them what you enjoy about this book. Tell them what you dislike about it. Tell them you disliked my writing and I’m wrong with everything. I don’t care, as long as it gets you to talk to someone.
There’s a song I love that consistently lifts my spirits when I’m feeling alone. It’s by Michael McLean and it’s called The One and Only You. Read these lyrics – really read them.
There is a place here that only YOU can fill
And this empty space awaits the magic YOU instill
For YOUR warm embrace does what nothing else can do
YOU’RE second to none because YOU’RE the one and only YOU.
Something was missing until YOU came along
And someone’s been wishing YOU would fill their heart with song
For no other melody can touch them like YOU do
Their song goes unsung if not for the one and only YOU.
So don’t waste your energy chasing some destiny
YOU were not sent here to claim
That isn’t the reason YOU came and YOU know that it’s true.
YOU cannot truly be anything else
So reach for the best in YOURSELF
YOU’RE more than a miracle YOU’RE the original YOU.
And if YOU should wonder if this could be the truth
The hearts YOU have lifted up are more than living proof
And if YOU are listening a message is coming through
With thanks from above, and love for the one
And only YOU
For no other melody can touch us like YOU do
And this song is sung, with love for the one and only YOU.
Now take a minute and think about that. Think about the people you have in your life. There are individuals you have impacted in one way or another. People who have been positively affected due to you being in their life. Where would they be without you? There are people you have “lifted up” and you didn’t even know you were doing it. You are important. You have impacted people’s lives in ways that you don’t even know. You have a purpose. I pray you find something you can use to help you get through this crazy thing we call life.
You are not alone! Let me repeat – You Are Not Alone!!!You have people in your life who cannot live without you. They need you. You need you! Keep fighting and know that things will improve with time.
That’s it, you now know what this book is about, and why I’m writing it. I hope you choose to keep reading, and you find what you are searching for. I hope you are comforted in knowing that there are people in this world experiencing difficult times just like you. You are important! You are loved! You are here for a purpose! There are people who need you in their life.
This book will be somewhat different from most. There are eleven sections to this book (appropriate, and you’ll understand why): a history section where I’ll tell you about my life and what I’ve been through, followed by ten chapters. The chapters will begin at ten and work down to one, in order from the least important to the most important to me in my life and overcoming the challenges I have faced. I believe that they are all important. You might read this and think my order is totally screwed up. Tear the pages out and rearrange them, I don’t care…it’s yours.
Be brave. Be strong. Keep fighting. No matter what, keep fighting.
