Chapter 1
I don’t understand how I got to this point. I can comprehend my actions, words and even the background noise. I just can’t seem to grab onto the fact that this is my current reality.
My sweet, insane best friend has been comforting me by handing me tissues, wine and an earful of questions for at least an hour now. It’s like she sees crying as a good reason to get me drunk while I sit in a puddle of my own regrets.
She has been trying to get me to speak proper words in sentences and not just sobbing comprehendible words between hiccups since I arrived at her door. She has gone through more emotions than me. Fear, confusion, frustration and anger have been the four most popular feelings for the evening.
I can’t seem to tell her why I am in this state. The words don’t form properly and end up coming out like a messy ball of wool that was rolled up by a toddler.
“Come on, Tal. I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong.” She mutters to me as she allows me to cuddle into her pillow on her lap.
She has been playing with my hair, soothingly rubbing my back and pouring wine like we’d never run out. I’ve been trying to find the right way to bring this up without making her hate him.
I sit up straight and throw my head against the sofa, taking a deep, painful breath. Slowly raising the glass of wine to my lips, taking a sip and scrunching my face at the taste.
“He has a new girlfriend.” I say softly, my throat burning as the bitter taste of my regret lingers.
The second I say it; the room goes quiet. I can tell she stopped breathing for a second because I feel it when she lets out a huff. She jumps up from her position next to me and starts pacing the small space between the sofa and the coffee table.
“That mother- “
I throw her with a pillow to keep her from saying what she wants to say. I know her, I know what is going to come out is going to be something worse than witchcraft.
“No,” I say, leaning forward “It’s my fault.”
She stops dead in front of me, her eyes twitching in distaste “You better be joking.”
Her face goes dead, completely unhappy when I look down, watching as my hands slowly create curves in the blanket. Hot tears roll down my cheeks as I try to stay calm. I finally stopped shaking and sobbing, I can’t start again now.
“Marcus told me,” I say, clearing my throat “Today when I was studying at the library.”
“How does Marcus know before I do?” she asks as she falls on the sofa next to me again.
“He probably heard from the students.” I shrug.
“Students? The Nature training students?” she questions.
“Yeah, he has been helping with the medic situation for the last two weeks. Their medic got sick and is now recovering in the hospital.” I say, sliding my head to face her.
“Tal,” she tilts her head, her tone soft and sweet “I’m sorry.”
I shake my head “I broke up with him. I don’t even know why I’m reacting like this.”
She lays her head on my shoulder “That doesn’t mean it’s not supposed to hurt. It means that its settling in now. You are realising that he no longer holds on to your relationship.”
I feel a sting in my heart that makes me lift the wine back to my lips. I stay quiet as I try to soften the pain in my chest that feels like my ribs are puncturing my hear. I’m shaking from the anxiety, nauseous from the thoughts. I didn’t ever expect to react this way when I thought it was going well.
“He was your first, he won’t be your last and hopefully not someone who will return.” She says as she drinks her wine.
“I was kind of counting on it being him.” I mumble, knowing that its stupid to even think that it would ever happen.
“Stop counting,” she leans forward to look at me “This isn’t math. He was lazy and only cared about what he wanted. Did you see what he drives? Its green. He’s driving around in a mucus truck. Also, he was never romantic. Not once did he ask you on a date, you had to ask him to ask you or just keep hinting at flowers. Another thing, he’s ugly.”
I can tell she’s getting riled up again.
“He is not ugly.” I say, my eyes lowering to my glass as I remember every piece of him.
“You mean his muscles are the only redeeming quality about him. His personality sucks.” She huffs.
“I’m not saying that.” I shoot to my feet “I will never talk like that about him. He was quiet and gentle, he was a good cook and his eyes, fuck his eyes.”
I close my eyes, remembering those eyes as if they were looking straight at me.
“They are so blue.”
“I think you need help, or you are drunk.” She shrugs as she gets up, swatting away my statement.
I look down at the coffee table. Crumbled tissues, wine glasses, wine bottles and my bag that I threw down before I tried to bury myself in the sofa.
“You gave me wine.” I say, still staring at the two open bottles.
“Yes.” She nods as she passes me.
“Its white wine.” I state.
“It is.” She agrees as she enters the kitchen.
“I hate wine, especially white wine.” I say, finally looking at her.
“Not today. You were in such a tizzy you drank like it was water,” she says “If that’s all you have on your list regarding his good qualities, I’m sorry but I will not support this emotional break down. I’m thinking it was a slight inconvenience in your day that broke your brain.”
“There are other reasons– “
“No, there are excuses. He isn’t worth this pain, let him be some else’s problem. I know way too many guys that would kill to wait for a girl like you.” She stares at me with a scowl.
“Oh please, if there were any guys that wanted that no woman would have to act like men. Guys that would do that never talks to the girl.” I start walking towards the counter.
“Because guys fear rejection. Beautiful woman makes their nervous system look like thunderstorms. It’s a proven scientific fact.” She shrugs as she starts cutting through a cucumber.
“Really, then why don’t you see guys forming lines behind you?” I ask as I slip onto the counter.
I watch as she laughs. She is the kind of beautiful that should scare men and woman everywhere. She has the most beautiful green eyes that glow, her features are soft but sharp in some ways, her style is right out of a magazine, and her blonde hair falls like shining waterfalls. She’s short, but she dresses like she walks the runway every day, shining in gold.
The picture of perfection.
“Because I don’t know there is a line. That the point.” She smirks.
“I guess I can’t argue.” I roll my eyes, smiling.
“You can’t.” she cockily tilts her head “You need some serious change.”
I frown as she asses me “What?”
“Hair, nails, lashes, the works. You need to love yourself.” She nods to herself.
“I’m good, thanks.” I say immediately.
“You need a rebound.”
“What?” I nearly yell.
She grins “Yes, all you need is a new guy.”
“No.” I say, my tone serious.
“This new girl is only a rebound. A plaything, so play the same game.” She starts moving around the apartment like sonic the hedgehog, gathering items scattered around.
“Come on, we are fixing this shit right now.”
“No.” I cross my arms, glueing myself to the counter.
My eyes scrunch when a searing pain goes through my head. I groan, throwing my arms over my eyes, instantly relieving some of the pain. My limbs feel numb, my heart is beating very fast, and my mouth tastes like toilet water.
I slowly start lifting my arms from over my eyes, readying myself to live through the growing headache forming. Once I can finally look around the room, I realize that I am on Sienna’s bed. Her curtains are open and the sun is glaring onto me.
I notice that she is awkwardly sprawled out next to me, her one leg caging me to the mattress. My clothes are still on, hers are still on and we seem to have carried our belongings to bed with us. My phone is currently poking into my ribs.
“Sienna.” I blurt out, my mouth feeling like cotton. She groans in distaste “Sienna, the sun.”
She tries to reach up to the curtain but miss about three times before her hand stops dead in the air. Both of us stop breathing as we listen to the singing in the living room.
“Did we steal a parrot?” she asks, slowly rising to look at the door through red, hooded eyes.
“Would we steal a parrot?” I ask, also staring at the unmoving door.
We jump up when hear laughter rumble through the walls.
“Did we steal a human?” she panics as we both barrel to the door.
“Can we steal a human?” I panic.
We go falling through the door and stop in the middle of the connecting space where we find two, very much unknown men. Both stop moving as we stare at each other, completely confused and slightly frightened.
“Theres people in my house.” Sienna says softly.
“Why are there people in your house?” I ask.
“I don’t know!” she starts panicking, reaching for her curling iron.
“Woah.” One of the guys throw his hands up, looking amused by Sienna’s attempt to scare them.
“Who are you?” she asks, pointing the iron between the two guys.
“We will tell you happily, just put the weapon down.” The brunette chuckles.
I turn to look around, making sure this is her apartment and we didn’t wake up in two random guys apartment. But in doing so, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror next to us. My body goes completely still, and I am holding onto my sanity as tightly as I can.
“Who are you? Kidnappers? Pimps? Perverts?” I hear Sienna question as though she is investigating a murder.
I grab onto her arm, not taking my eyes off myself “Sienna?”
“Hold on, Tal. Did you break in?” she asks.
My hair, my face, my clothes?
What the hell did I do?
“Sienna!” I yell, starting to panic.
“What?” She looks at me, her eyes growing when she sees me.
“I guess we did change you.”
