Chapter 1 The Invention
Hi, everyone. As you see me now, it’s a miracle I’m here. Believe it or not, I barely escaped death by the skin of my teeth. You won’t believe what happened to me. It changed my life. Looking at you all, I realize you’re involved too. Well, in a way, we’re all involved. I’ll try to be as concise as possible—because so many things happened to me, and it all took place in just two months... My God, what can happen in such a short time? So little for some things, yet an eternity for others.
Anyway. Here’s the thing: two months ago, after a lot of hard work, I finally finished an invention that took me nearly seven years to research and build. I... created... the first eternal condom. That’s right—a condom you could use over and over again, for your entire life. It would always stay fresh, with changing flavors and colors. It never wore out. It self-sterilized. It was ultra, ultra, ultra-thin—so thin it felt like you had nothing on. And on top of all that, you could sync it with your favorite YouTube music video to play at the moment of climax. Can you imagine? There you are, in the most spectacular moment, and just as you hit your peak, your favorite song starts playing? Amazing, right? Yes—it was the ideal condom. Eternal and perfect. The most pleasurable, playful, educational, economical, and innovative sexual experience. The most spectacular invention since the wheel. Think about it—imagine it—a downpour of benefits for humanity.
As soon as I finished it and tested it... well, of course, I had to run some tests. I ended up listening to La Traviata, Queen, Bad Bunny, Ravi Shankar, and even Pimpinela. At that point, I had some second thoughts. But hey—everyone’s different, and you have to respect people’s tastes.
Anyway, once everything was tested and verified, I rushed to tell my family. Imagine the reactions.
My mother: “Daughter... my God, I don’t know where we went wrong.”
My father: “Well... you know what you’re doing.”
Brother 1: “Bitch.”
Brother 2: “Stop this nonsense. How could you invent something like that?”
Brother 3: “Look, I don’t agree with what you’re doing—ethically or morally—but if you want, I could invest as a partner.”
My sixteen-year-old sister: “I want some! Give me several trial packs!”
“Bitch,” I replied to her. Everyone looked at me. An awkward silence filled the room. They glanced at each other, and without another word, I left.
Back at home, I reflected deeply on what to do with my invention. Taking into account the opinions of my siblings, my parents, and the impact on my little sister, I decided: first thing the next morning, I would go register and patent my super creation. Yes, sir! I slept soundly that night, unaware of what was coming.
