“Fitting Out”

I walk down the hallway

and the echoes follow me —

laughter

whispers

shadows with mouths.

I put on a smile

stitched tight across my face,

pretending I don’t hear

my name

falling from their lips

like something ugly.

I have done nothing wrong.

Still, I carry

the weight of a town

that decided

I am easy to hate.

For a while,

I thought maybe it was me.

Maybe I was too quiet.

Too different.

Too much.

Not enough.

But no —

I am not the problem.

Jesus said,

“Love your enemies.”

I try.

But it is hard

to love hands

that point at you

in daylight.

I wanted to fit in —

but my heart

keeps fitting out.

No friends.

No one waiting for me.

I wonder what a best friend feels like.

Is it peace?

Or is it another battlefield?

My guard stands tall,

higher than my loneliness.

Higher than my fear.

Still…

I believe

one day

I will meet my people.

The ones who don’t laugh

when I walk away.

The ones who stay.

The one

who loves me

slowly,

steadily,

intentionally.

Until then —

the door is open.

If you do not love me,

you may leave.

I have God beside me.

And I refuse

to beg

for a place

I was never meant

to shrink into.