Healing His Scars

WARNING MENTIONS OF ABUSE, BLOOD, AND SELF HARM!! PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THESE TOPICS!!

Shattering….that was the first sound that echoed in the apartment. Then came the loud high pitched voice. It made Jaspers head ache and his body feel numb. Diletta shouted as she stomped around, throwing around anything breakable within her sight. Poor Jasper stood there silent, he was too used to this. He knew he should’ve left a long time ago, but he loved her, or at least he thinks he does.

“YOU NEVER FUCKING LISTEN TO ME! I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT I THOUGHT YOU WERE USEFUL!” Diletta’s normally soft and melodic voice had turned into a banshee screech. Usually Jasper would be crying but he couldn’t find it in himself. Even with the blood running down his temple. He knew she threw something at him but he didn’t register it had hit his head. At the moment he was too checked out of the situation to notice or care.

She kept going on and on, complaining and insulting him. The woman only stopped when she saw he wasn’t even listening to her. “Ugh whatever…you’re just a fucking mistake.” She scoffed and grabbed her purse. He heard the door slam behind her as she walked out of the apartment.

He blinked, the pain finally setting in. His skull throbbed as he stood on shaky legs. The hardwood floor was covered in porcelain and glass. A quiet sigh left his lips as he walked forward, making sure to avoid the sharp shards on the floor. He grabbed the broom and started sweeping, trying his best to get all of the mess so she couldn’t start another fight later on the apartment being a mess.

Jasper tried ignoring the pounding ache in his head as he cleaned. Once he was sure he got up all the sharp objects off the floor he started wiping up his blood from the floor. The smell of bleach overwhelmed his senses and made him nauseous. He coughed but otherwise ignored it.

The blood on his temple and side of his face seemed to stop flowing and just stayed caked to his olive skin. It wasn’t at all a comfortable feeling but when was he ever comfortable now. When he finished he put away the bleach spray and threw the paper towels away.

His joints popped as he stretched while walking to the bathroom. As his frame came into view of the mirror he scrunched his nose. Blood was stuck to his face and matted his hair down to his skin. He raised his hand to touch the dried liquid. A wince sounded in the empty room as his finger made contact with the wound. He pulled his trembling finger away to grab a rag that was in one of the drawers.

It wasn’t the only thing he pulled out. There was a box cutter wrapped in the rag. He cleaned the wound on his temple first before pressing the button on the box cutter. Pushing his thumb up the blade came out of the slot with the motion. His body moved to seat himself on the floor, then pushing his shorts and boxers up.

Air filled his lungs as he gritted his teeth. The sharp blade dug into his skin, ripping it open, quiet tearing noises filled his ears as blood ran across his thigh. His blood dripped onto the floor, running across his flesh like tears on his face. Moisture gathered in his eyes as he inhaled sharply. He repeated the action 6 more times before moving to the other thigh.

It was like a ritual, 7 cuts on each thigh since he was 10, since he understood self punishment. Every two weeks it was the same pattern. The same place that man….Before he could finish his thoughts he heard his phone ringing. “Shit..” his voice was rough with pain and exhaustion as he cursed. Pain shot through his nerves, his thighs burning as he stood and the rough fabric covered it once more.

The box cutter clatter on the tile, dropping in the small pool of blood. The red liquid ran down his legs slowly as he reached for his phone with a shaky hand. He answered without checking who it was. Voice trembling as he spoke “Hey..” His sisters voice came from the other end of the line “Hey big bro, I was just checking in, you haven’t answered me for a few days so I was a little worried.” A sigh of relief left him at the fact it wasn’t Diletta. “Yeah, I’m good, just been busy with work n’ shit” He cleared his throat, not wanting his little sister to hear his pain.

The burning sensation was hard to ignore, it shocked his nerves, made his legs shake, and left him dizzy. He swallowed the saliva gathering in his mouth. “So whatcha doing Jasp?” His sisters voice helped him regain focus a little bit. “Just about finished taking a small break before I get back to work.” He cleared his throat as he clenched his teeth, his legs grew weaker the longer he stood.

“Ohhh okay, I’ll let you get back to it then, byeee, I love you!” She was so blissfully unaware of what was really happening. He wanted to keep it that way. “Bye Willow, I love you too” He said gently before the line went dead. As he set his phone down he grabbed the rag from the counter and started wiping up the blood from the floor and the box cutter. After putting the tool on the counter he rinsed the rag out.

Jasper groaned loudly as the cool wet cloth rubbed across his open cuts. The blood soaked into it and darkened the white fabric. He braced his back on the counter while using one hand to lift up his shorts and boxers while the other wiped up the drying liquid from his skin.

Once everything was cleaned up he threw the rag in the hamper and proceeded to grab a new one, wrapping the box cutter in it and shoving it back in the drawer. Beside it was a roll of bandages, he pulled those out before stumbling into the bedroom. Dragging his feet as he continued on to the dresser to grab a new pair of boxers and black sweats.

He practically fell onto the bed as he tried taking off the clothes of his lower half while standing. Clearly he overestimated how much his body could take at the moment. After that he sat there, wrapping the bandages around his pale injured thighs. He had scars everywhere from self harming almost all his life but the worst ones were on his thighs.

Once the new cuts were covered he ripped the bandage from the roll and continued on the other leg. He pulled on his boxers and sweats. A sigh left him as he pressed his lips into a thin line, he wondered what he should do. Diletta wouldn’t be back for a day or two knowing her. Jasper knew she was cheating, he’d known for almost a month now.

At that moment he realized something. He’d be better off without her. With that thought he pushed himself off the bed and began packing. He put his clothes into the suitcases he had come with. He honestly hadn’t bought anything since they moved in together, well not unless it was for Diletta. He had enough money saved up for a new place, his jobs paid well so it worked out well.

It wasn’t until almost an hour and a half of packing he finally finished. He grabbed his wallet, charger, phone, and box cutter with the rag to shove in his pockets. As he pulled his two suitcases to the apartment door he stopped to slide on his crocs.

He looked behind himself, making sure he got everything his eyes landed on his favorite backpack and laptop. He definitely needed those, so he grabbed the bag before shoving his laptop, headphones, and laptop charger in there.

Jasper felt relieved when he walked out of the apartment. He was just glad their lease was almost up. The lights in the hallway were bright as he walked across the carpeted floor. There weren’t many sounds from the apartments as he made his way to the elevator.

He let go of one of the suitcases, even as he brought up his hand to press the button to open the elevator he had hesitation. But he knew he couldn’t do this to himself any longer. So he took a deep breath before pressing it. A ding rang out in the quiet hallway as the doors opened. He stepped inside with his suitcases and backpack.

Chewing on his lips and scratching at his thighs through his sweatpants, he waited as patiently as he could for the elevator to hit the lobby. Once it did he grabbed his things and made a b-line for the doors of the complex. Once he stepped outside he felt free and relaxed. He genuinely hadn’t been outside in a week or two. Now he needs to find a hotel to stay at for a few nights. That was gonna be harder than he thought…