Chapter 1
Today had been another long day of work. I pass the door, my shoulders slacking under the weight of my exhaustion. Lately, all the days seem to blur together, fatigue piling up until even my body moves on autopilot, surviving more than living.
I tumble on the sofa, kicking my shoes off in a snap as I let my head fall back against the cushions. The curtains are fluttering beside me, almost like waves battering against a window. And immediately, my mind drifts to him, to Rafayel. It’s been some time since we last saw each other. I wonder what he’s been up to. Is he crumbling under work too, painting all day and night, forgetting to sleep and eat, as he so often does? He probably is.
With a grunt, I push myself off the sofa and step out onto the balcony. It’s already night. The last time I checked the time, it was nine pm and that was a while ago. It must be late now. Still, the air is cool, the sky clear. I close my eyes, content, the breeze sliding over my skin like a quiet welcome home.
I drift, peaceful when my peace is interrupted by a sharp clap of thunder, crashing across the sky in a violent strike. I jolt, eyes snapping open as the sky churns violently. Thick clouds sweep across the horizon, pressing down as if to engulf everything below. Thunder roars again, deeper this time, and rain suddenly pours down, not the soft drizzle but a tempest in full fury. I freeze as the rain cascades down with the might of a storm. Even the ocean in the distance is restless, waves surging and smashing against one another, as though the sea itself is raging.
I look up, concern washing over me as it dawns on me that….this sudden change doesn’t feel natural. What if…it isn’t? What if….this is actually Rafayel? After all, he is the Sea God who commands the ocean itself. I have seen strange phenomenon happen before. When he’s happy, the sky is bright, the sea calm. When he’s forlorn, clouds gather and rain follows. But never like this, never a storm so violent, so all-consuming. My stomach ties into a knot. I am suddenly unable to think about anything else but him. Is something wrong with Rafayel?
Before my thoughts even finish forming in my mind, I’m back in my shoes, coat pulled over my body, hood up, keys in hand, and out the door. I have no idea what’s happening, but I know one thing. I must go to him.
I make my way through the tempest, the wind nearly knocking me off balance. But I push through, my determination forcing my muscles through every obstacle on my way. When I reach Rafayel’s home, I am drenched from head to toe, but I don’t let that stop me. I knock on the door and wait a moment. No answer. I tap my foot against the floor, agitated. He’s not answering. Okay, maybe he just didn’t hear because of the rain, right? Doesn’t mean anything is going on. He’s alright, surely…right?
I knock again. Still nothing. I eventually lose my nerve, and push the door open. It isn’t locked. This is the first warning sign. Not good, I think. Gosh, I hope nothing’s happened.
I step inside, careful but urgent. “Rafayel. Are you here?” I call, but the only answer I receive is the echo of my own voice. I nudge his studio’s door open, my gaze immediately drawn to the sculpture he always keeps close, the bust of a beautiful ethereal young woman. The one he always stares with quiet melancholy. I once asked who she was. He never answered, but the grief in his eyes carried all the answers he withheld.
“Rafayel” I call again, my eyes sweeping over the large room, when I suddenly hear a sound, a muffled whimper. My eyes dart toward the sound, when I see Rafayel lying on the floor, eyes closed, muscles taunt. “RAFAYEL!”
I urge forward, lurching into my knees beside him, as I clutch his shoulders. Even at my touch, he doesn’t react. He is wincing, contracting in singular pain, as his body shifts in agitation. His breath stutters, as he gasps. “No” he yelps. “You can’t. I won’t allow it.” A grunt escapes him, the air seeming to stop in his lungs, and my heart clenches.
“Rafayel.” I try again, but he still doesn’t answer. The sight of him writhing in pain beneath my palms breaks something in me. His muscles coil as his voice fractures, again and again, a sound that nearly undoes me.
“You…cannot do this. I…cannot accept this sacrifice.”
“Rafayel!” I shake him, desperate for his eyes to open, for him to wrench himself free from whatever is torturing him but he only sinks further. I press my hand to his forehead, dread spiking as heat pours into my fingertips. I realize he’s burning up. “Come on. Answer me!”
His breath jolts, his body tensing under me as he gasps…I’m not sure if he’s gasping for air, or just trying not to drown. Maybe both. I stare, panic taking over me as I suddenly notice blue scales emerging along his scorching skin. I move my hand toward his neck, where glistening blue scales are spreading, like a fire that cannot be stopped. My fingers almost brush them when his eyes twitch open. But they are not his. Not the soft blue and pink I know. Instead, dark gleaming blue eyes crudely open to meet my gaze.
Before I can even speak, he’s over me, his body pressing into me. His body crashes into mine as he grabs my wrists, spinning me onto my back. The floor knocks the breath from my lungs. His grip tightens, pinning my arms above my head. His eyes pulse with fire and something violent I barely recognize, his movements erratic, brutal. Blue mist lashes along his ears, power spillint out of him as he lowers his face to mine, threatening to overwhelm me. “NO” he orders, his voice rough and commanding.
I flinch, heart hammering, as I stammer, confused: “I….Rafayel…please, stop, listen to me!”
He grunts, pressing me down harder, fingers biting into my wrists. “I said NO. I refuse to accept this betrayal! The Sea God doesn’t need this heart.” Panic surges within me, but I try to remain calm and focused on the only thing that matters: I need to pull him from this madness.
I stare at him, at the rage carved with an ache nothing can soothe. “What…are you saying, Rafayel? I don’t understand.”
“You cannot do that to me! YOU WILL NOT!” his voice breaks. His grip tightens until pain sparks up my arms.
I wince. “RAFAYEL! Come back to your senses! Snatch out of it! Please!” I gesture helplessly, though he’s holding me completely still.
He grunts, his face moving closer to mine, until his breath pulses against my lips. He’s not himself, and the way he’s looking at me, with both despair and misery, makes my heart stutter. For a terrifying moment, I wonder if he even knows who I am.
Then his grip loosens. His face drops to mine, my name spilling from his lips. I let out a relieved sigh I wasn’t even aware I was holding, but confusion soon follows. The more he speaks, the less I understand. But one thing is clear: he’s not with me in this moment, and I need to bring him back to me. To the present.
“Rafayel” I plead, gripping his shoulders, in a clear attempt to anchor him, and myself. “Come back to me.”
“No…You….You are trying to leave me! You can’t!” his voice bounces on me, like a battering drum, that somehow falls in the cracks of my heart, and they open up an ache I wasn’t even aware I had. His weight crushes me into the ground, as his mouth finds my neck, biting hard. I gulp as he holds me tight, trembling, as if I’d disappear if he’d loosen his grasp. “Our bond….it cannot end this way! I won’t allow it!”
“Rafayel” I try to push him back, to get enough space to stir up, but as soon as he feels me try to break free, something in him snaps, like he cannot bear any distance between us in this moment.
His arms clamp around me as he lifts us both, pulling me tight against his chest. “Don’t…don’t leave me.” He commands. His arms tangle around my body, his lips returning to my neck, kissing the flesh there, over and over again, sloppy and messy and frantic. I clutch him as he carries me toward the window, moving like he’s lost in a haze. “You can’t leave me, okay?” his eyes rise to meet mine, burning and burning incessantly.
“Raf…You need to…pull yourself together.” I whisper, though my voice shakes.
“What I need,” he breathes, trapping me against the glass, “is to know you’re by my side. That you will always be.” His hands roam my body, his lips crash into mine like colliding waves. I gasp as his tongue overwhelms me, claiming, marking as though he’s trying to brand himself into me. He consumes me, steals the very air from my lungs, his fingers digging into my skin. And I fall. I fall into the pit of his madness, into the crushing weight of his love, the razor edge of his fear. I drown in it, but even as it swallows me, one thought claws its way to the surface: I have to bring him back to me.
Because the pain that lies beyond those scorching eyes, the ache that screeches behind these frenzied touches and words isn’t something I can bear. He is sinking in me, flooding me, grasping me like a man consumed, a man broken, and I just want to extort him from this pain.
At last, I press my palm flat against his chest. And the moment I do, everything stops. His body freezes, every violent motion dying instantly, frenzy only leaving room for fear. His face lowers toward mine, eyes wide, hollow, like something inside him has gone still, almost like he’s experiencing a silent death.
“Don’t…do that” he says, but this time, it’s not an order. It’s…a plea. “Please.”
I know I could call on the covenant to force him out of this. But when I see the dread in his eyes, the stillness trembling through him, I can’t bring myself to. Images flicker across his eyes. A hand bearing against his beating chest, the bond manifesting, a blade. blood. Death by his own hand as he killed the person he wanted to protect most. A memory that would haunt him across lifetimes. Maybe even longer than that.
He shakes his head as tears spill over, turning into pearls that start bouncing on the floor around us. “Don’t do that to me again…Please.”
My hand remains over his heart, no longer the steady rhythm of a Sea God, but the frantic flutter of something fragile. I cup his face, knowing I have to make a quick decision, even as fear twists in my chest. If I can’t pull him back with power, I’ll do it another way.
My gaze darts past him, to the bathtub behind us. I always found it astonishing that Rafayel would have a bathtub in his studio. Not that it was surprising for a Lemurian such as him…And I knew how much time he actually spent in water, but right now, I was quite thankful about it. Maybe…this was his way out.
I crash my lips against his. His eyes widen in shock, just long enough. I clutch him and yank us backward. His arms instinctively lock around my waist as we topple together, the world tilting before cold water swallows us whole. It splashes violently, surging over the rim as we plunge under, headfirst.
The cold water seeps straight into my bones, as we both surface in a gasp. Water streams down my face as Rafayel emerges beside me. His body slackens almost immediately. The tension drains from him, his eyes fading back to their familiar hues as the blue scales vanish without a trace. His expression softens as his lips part for a moment, reality slowly dawning on him. We stare at each other for a moment, neither of us daring to break the silence.
My name slips from his lips. His hand rises to my face, cupping my cheek with a gentleness so stark it feels like an apology.
“Are you alright?” I ask soflty, leaning closer.
He nods, tightening around me as he pulls me closer, until there’s no space left between us. He buries his face in my neck. I thread my fingers in his strands, the gesture comforting as he finally draws a full breath, the first since I arrived. “I’m sorry, cutie.”
“It’s okay. You’re okay, now. I’m here.”
He nods, holding me tighter yet. The silence stretches for a second, impossibly heavy when he slowly lifts his gaze to mine, his eyes soaked in remorse.. “Stay with me, please” he whispers, his voice flinching.
I nod and press a soft kiss to his lips and I feel the tension ease from him at once. “Always.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
