Love at Random

Eric hated exactly 3 things in the world: roller coasters, heights, and bugs. So, of course, he found his current predicament to be a personal attack.

“You could’ve just given me away if you didn’t like me,” he said from the backseat of his dad’s minivan as the sign for Fun World came into view.

“Don’t be so dramatic, Eric,” his mother answered, turning in her seat to face him. “Fun World is great, isn’t it?”

His younger siblings screamed in reply.

Traitors.

“I just don’t understand why I have to be here,” he argued, fighting the urge to plead with them to turn around like he had the first six times they came. It’s what had gotten him put on Max duty in the first place. “We’ve gone fifteen times this summer. I think if I were going to start liking it, it would’ve happened already.”

“It’s not all about you, Eric,” she replied as if it had ever been about him in any amount. She motioned over to Jordan, who was focused entirely on his phone as he had been all morning. “Your brother hasn’t even gone once, and he’s leaving on the weekend. It’s a family day.”

And that was that.

She faced forward as they pulled into the parking lot, Jordan typed away, and the little ones hummed along with the tune blaring from the speakers.

And Eric?

Eric, as he had fifteen times before, cursed the day Fun World was conceptualized.

***

Jordan, Eric thought, was a cool guy. Someone to look up to. Someone deserving of admiration.

That all went out the window the moment he said, “I don’t feel like riding anything.”

After that, all Eric wanted to do was throttle him.

“Mom-” he started, about to argue his point, but she shushed him. She apologized in a not-sorry way and explained to him that it was too late to turn around since they were already at the park. Not that he believed they would anyway. He’d decided his family had some kind of unhealthy obsession with roller coasters when they came three days in a row about a month back.

Their youngest sibling, Max, grabbed Jordan’s arm and began tugging. “I want you to come to Tike Town with me,” he said.

Stephanie, in turn, beamed and sidled up next to their Mom as though it was a coordinated attack. Knowing his little siblings, it probably was.

“Mom! If Jordan watches Max, can I finally go with you guys?” Since Eric was afraid of every aspect of the rides, he simply took them both to Tike Town and supervised from a safe distance while Stephanie went on everything with Max.

She looked up at The Soul Slinger, the largest of the rides that could be seen from at least two miles away, and sighed longingly.

“Sure,” their mom agreed, distractedly watching the great escape unfurl before her.

“Come on,” Max strained. Both his hands barely fit around one of Jordan’s, but he had that grip that babies and determined children do. The one stronger than it ought to be. His shoes lit up with every hard-earned step, and Jordan, for his part, was moving, but just barely. All his energy seemed concentrated in his thumb that tapped rapidly on his screen.

I’m free, Eric thought. I could get a caricature done and maybe settle in at a restaura-

“Eric, go with them,” his mother said from beside him, and he startled at the sound. He had no idea when she’d gotten so close or why it seemed like she was out to ruin his day.

“Me?” he asked, pointing to himself incredulously.

“Yes, you. Your brother seems distracted today, and we don’t want him to lose Max. While you’re at it, see if you can find out what that’s about,” she ordered.

He opened his mouth to protest, but what was the point? They’d sooner sell the house that had been in their family for generations to the owners of Fun World than step foot in Tike Town. Not if it meant forgoing the opportunity to get strapped into a death trap themselves. He was doomed to forever remain on Max duty.

He hadn’t noticed she’d left him standing there, pondering the unfairness of life, until he craned his neck and couldn’t locate her head among the sea of them. Her creaky, aching knees always seemed to cooperate just fine on the trek toward the more advanced rides.

“Great,” he sighed as he watched Jordan and Max narrowly avoid falling into a large fountain.

***

Predictably, the first thing Max wanted to ride when they arrived at Tike Town was The Larvae Loop, a larvae-shaped roller coaster that looped in the air.

Eric couldn’t think of anything worse.

“You have to go on it with him,” he said, sneering at the disgusting contraption. Jordan hit send off the message he’d been furiously typing and looked between Eric and the ride.

“You don’t still have that thing with roller coasters, do you?” The taunting undertone of the question was only highlighted by the soundtrack of the children currently on the ride shrieking with excitement. Implied questions of how and why, as though he had the answers. He couldn’t help it anymore than someone afraid of clowns could help cowering away.

“And bugs and heights,” Max added.

“I could get on a ride if I wanted to,” Eric retorted defensively, because it was true. He could. If held at gunpoint, he was sure it would be a rather easy choice.

“You don’t get on any when we come. Stephanie says it’s cause they don’t let babies on the rides.”

Jordan snickered at the reply.

Is there not a speck of loyalty in this lineage? Eric thought, though he insisted, “I could if I wanted to,” through gritted teeth.

“Well, come on then,” Jordan called over his shoulder as he moved to secure a spot in the growing line.

Eric shifted his attention toward all the kids who were laughing after having just exited the ride. It wasn’t quite the same stakes as being made to do this at his captor’s whims, but peer pressure was a strong motivator. He could do this.

Besides, how bad could it be if children loved it?

***

As it turned out, children were demons sent from hell. It was the only conclusion he could come up with as to why they’d derive so much joy from such an awful experience.

“Are you okay?” Jordan asked, rubbing Eric’s back. Max was a few feet away with a finger in each ear, humming a futile attempt at distraction from the retching sounds.

Eric couldn’t blame him for trying. The symphony of his breakfast colliding with the scattered treasures of the conveniently placed trash can wasn’t exactly his favorite song either.

He stood to answer but found himself hunched over the bin again when his stomach protested.

“I’m sorry, bud. I didn’t know you’d still react like that if it was a kid’s ride.” The last time Jordan called him “bud” was about two years ago. It barely registered since he was a snotty mess with a freshly broken arm. The time before that was significant for nothing but the fact that he’d been about 8.

“It’s high,” Eric commented, wiping his mouth and suppressing the urge to double over again.

One brief trip to the bathroom later, filled with hand washing and mouth rinsing, he found himself on a bench.

“You can just rest here for a while, and I’ll take Max around,” Jordan said, grabbing Max’s hand. He obviously felt bad because his phone was buzzing incessantly in his pocket, but he made no moves to check.

“Are you sure?” fell out of Eric’s mouth, though he wanted nothing more than to stay glued to his spot.

“We’ll be fine,” Jordan assured, allowing himself to be dragged to a different ride. Eric sighed as they disappeared down a path and turned back to face the ride before him.

To his left, a machine was blowing bubbles into his path, and the speaker, placed just a little ways off, was blaring very upbeat music.

One might think they were meant to have a good time at this place.

Each detail that caught his eye made him realize he’d never paid attention to the layout of Tike Town.

Not really.

While Max frequented the bug-themed rides the most, those weren’t the only rides in the area. Just past The Larvae Loop was a space decorated ring toss. Behind that, there was a cowboy ride and a pirate ride. A blur of white passed by, and he saw an astronaut and a fairy heading for the concession stand. He half expected a character from one of those popular cartoons to appear before him and ask about his favorite part of this adventure.

They certainly had everything else.

“I don’t understand the theme of this park,” he muttered to himself.

“I don’t think anyone does,” a voice called from above him.

His wandering gaze flitted up to find a friendly-looking tiger mascot staring back at him. What he noticed most, though, was the pale hand protruding from the gap between the head and body. “Take this,” the boy in the costume ordered, waving a miniature water bottle around.

Eric complied quickly before the scene could traumatize any of the children.

“Thank you,” he said, skeptically listening for the click of the seal before he drank it.

“I’m Red. I saw you throwing up before.”

He had known there must be witnesses to his embarrassing predicament, but hadn’t quite expected the follow-up interview.

“Eric,” he replied, racking his brain for where he’d heard this voice before.

He had heard it before.

He was almost certain.

“Red? Is that your name or the tiger’s?”

“Mine. This is-” Red started, but was interrupted by a small boy crashing into his legs.

“Mom, look, it’s Lori the Tiger,” he said, jumping excitedly. “Can we get a picture? Can we? Can we? Can we?” the boy asked, craning his neck back as far as it would go to look the tiger in the eyes. The head of the costume nodded exaggeratedly.

A picture wasn’t just a picture, though. He babbled away for what felt like minutes about every detail he’d seen since he arrived, like the play-by-play was required payment. Somewhere around what had been specified as the first potty break, his mother snapped the picture and dragged him deeper into Tike Town.

Red waved until they disappeared and returned his attention to the bench. “Back to you. Are you feeling any better?”

“What was that?” Eric had thought the whole thing very odd.

“What was what?” Red clearly didn’t feel the same.

“He kept asking you questions, and you kept nodding and shrugging,” Eric answered, finishing off the water bottle.

“We’re not allowed to talk in case a kid remembers that Lori sounded like a middle-aged woman yesterday and a teenage boy today,” the tiger shrugged.

It was such a peculiar thing to see the tiger mascot move up close after watching the real thing at the zoo days ago. How disconnected the two were.

“But you’re talking to me,” Eric replied pointedly.

“I am. You’re the only one who’s thrown up recently and been left on a bench.” Eric prepared himself to be made fun of for getting sick after a ride made for kids, but instead, Red said, “It’s not so bad if you work your way up to it. I could help if you want.”

If you want. Wasn’t that just the million-dollar question?

Did he want that?

His still-turning stomach said no as he looked from the tiger to the ride that bested him. Everything was fine as it was. No need to poke the bear.

But his eyes darted, without his permission, to the general direction of his brother—who would be gone soon—and then The Soul Slinger—whose shadow loomed over the park—where Stephanie was no doubt having the time of her life.

He sighed. “What do you have in mind?”