SUCKERS

‘It’s a strange experience, grieving 2 people at the same time. One who’s truly gone & who’s just not here. The grief that should hurt the worst, the one that should be most important, doesn’t take precedence in your mind, while the lesser consumes you.’

Or so I wrote in my diary.

In the span of 3 months, I lost my Nana, my car, phone, & job, not to mention my boyfriend. I bet you can pick up on which two I was writing about. As I write, I sit at the foot of my Nana’s grave, lamenting all about my pain. I can hear her from heaven rolling her eyes. But now I have to gather myself because it’s time to go to school, the place I dread the most.

I hop out of my grandfather’s truck, & I see him getting out of his. We’re both always late. ‘Him’ being my ex boyfriend and half of my heart, Meyers Dane Larson Emery Jr. Yes, full name status, but everyone calls him Emery. I called him Meys, like ‘mayz’. With me it was always either Meyers or Meys, no in between. He hated it, I never cared. Now, he won’t even look at me & I don’t know why. Well, I have an idea, but I try not to think about it.

Nevertheless, I collect my things & walk towards the school because what else am I supposed to do? As soon as I leave the lobby & enter the main building, I see my best friend Jaidah.

“Hey, it feels like I never see you. I gotta start calling you after practice.” I start off, and we slowly make our way towards class.

“I know man, I got so much to tell you, tell me why Krave been walking around with a sophomore.”

“Oh yeahh, I had meant to tell you about that, I seen them in the library when I was waiting for Benny. Also,he doesn't deserve the nickname Krave. Actually speaking of Benny, we broke up.”

“Yay!”

I give her a look.

“Oh, I mean, oh noo.”

“Anyways, I’ll tell you about it later, let me go before Mr. Carson marks me absent. Aye, call me in 6th period” I say as I make my way up the stairs.

“Alright, hold ’em.”

I get to class late as always, but my teacher doesn’t say anything. I’m the only one who cares about his class anyways. I convinced him to let us read Romeo & Juliet, of course. “So, Romeo & Juliet are making plans to run away, but their families are at conflict with each other. Can anyone tell me why this could be a problem.” Mr. Carson peers over his glasses, waiting for someone in the class to answer. I look around pale, unenthused faces surrounding me. I always wait to answer, not trying to be a know it all.

“Because that could stop them from running away, if the situation escalates and the two families go to a quasi war of sorts.” I started. “Very good...” He picks up from there & explains the importance & the symbolism of the quarrel between the Montagues & the Capulet’s. Of course, I already know plenty about it. My own personal copy of the book is littered with sticky notes, sticking out from all sides of the book.

Class goes on like this until the bell rings. I cut & swim through the halls, trying to get to my next class, which is right down the hallway. I see another ex of mine, Benito, but most people call him Ben. “Hey Benny.”

I am not most people.

“Hey.”

Thankfully we’re still on good terms, because even though I was never in love with him, I still love him, and we share a lot of experiences. In some ways, he could literally be my twin. The next class is a breeze, nothing interesting to note from it except that I played solitaire for most of it. The last boss battle, AKA Ex boyfriend sighting of the day is Mark. We are more or less on good terms. We don’t speak, but sometimes I ask him about basketball, and he comes into my class before basketball games to chill. Yes, he’s a basketball player. Meyers is, too. My biggest fear is that they talk about me to each other.

I ignored him today and go to class, by far the easiest class of the day. Mostly just a yap session with my friend Isaiah & Daniel. Isaiah, who is always late, & Daniel who’s on the wrestling team with me.

“I still can’t believe you two were ever a thing.” Isaiah starts up out of nowhere. “Sometimes, I can’t believe it myself.” I pray that he doesn’t try to make this a conversation for most of the class.

“It’s just like, I wouldn’t expect Emery to go for you.”

“Yes, because why would the tall, white, lanky kid go for a black girl. I personally think the question should be flipped, & usually it is with most other people, but not you. Now help me color this damn diagram.”

I change the subject, not wanting to be in a bad mood before practice. Class ends & i’m making my way towards the wrestling room, & I see a tall, dark skinned boy walking towards the door, looking everything short of Damson Idris. But I can feel that there’s something not right about him. I can read people like that, probably because I’ve psychoanalyzed myself so much that doing it to other people has become second nature.

I kick off my shoes at the door & go in.

“Diane!”

My team mates call out to me. Here, I am treated as king.

“Aye y’all, that workout yesterday was hard?” I ask.

“Hell yeah.”

“Damn, I wouldn’t know, I was not here, my black ahh was in bed, ain nobody tell y’all to come to school on a Sunday and run a mile. It is too cold for that, we are black.”

Everybody cracks up & puts their 2 cents in.

“Come on, you know we had too.”

“Not everybody can just skip some days and get away with it.”

A commanding voice breaks through.

“Hey, everyone gather around. Now! that wasn’t a suggestion.” Our coach gathers us; the light & mid weights on the mat. Coach G is a little insane, but we all love him the same.

“Alright, as we all know, last week’s match was amazing. So amazing, in fact, that I did not go home and drink. But then I watched the tapes and drank enough for the day I missed. We may have won, but our techniques are shit, so hard practice today. Start with RPR.”

Everyone starts with sternum rubs. All while Coach talked, I couldn’t help but notice the new guy standing off to the side. I ask my friend Kam,

“Who’s ole’ boy over there?”

He slowly turns his head towards me, eyes half open, and shrugs. “I don’t know.”

I look in his red shot eyes & sigh.

“Are you Scotty bro? You have to stop, you’re a fiend.”

“I can’t bro.”

We finish warming up as a group.

“Y’all who’s the new guy?”

“I think he a transfer from like an upstate school.” Quan, an underclassman says.

I hum & look over, & I accidentally catch his gaze. I look away quickly & shiver, goosebumps crawling up my arm like 1,000 marching ants. I’ve never seen someone with the most piercing brown eyes like him, like the color of the forest floor in the nighttime. I can feel him still staring at me. Leon, my cousin daps him up & starts a conversation with him, like he always does with new people. I’ll interrogate him later about the new guy during weights after practice. There’s something not right about him, but there’s something... familiar about him.

I hear the rusty hinges of the wrestling room door squeak open.

“Hey Coach Emery.”

Oh yeah, did I mention that the head coach of our team & the coach for the heavyweights is my ex boyfriends dad?

“Hey Diane, how you doing.”

“I’ve been chillin, how about you.”

“I’ve been good, my AP world history class hasn’t been the same without you.”

“I’m sure of it.”

Just then, coach G walks up to Coach Emery, and they start talking about... well I don’t really know what. What I do know is that it’s an everyday thing. I turn my attention to actually practicing, not forgetting to laugh and joke with my friends until practice is over. After we put our shoes on and walk towards the weightlifting room, I notice that the new guy is coming with us. Being the person that I am, I decide to walk up to him and ask him about himself.

Before I could catch up to him, Hailey beats me to it. As we walk in, I don’t bother with it, opting to get as much weight lifting done as I can with what little time I have.

“Who all going to the game tonight?” I ask my crew.

“It’s here?”

“Who we play?”

“What time it start?”

“Yes, Riverwood, aaand 7.” Murmurs of ‘yeah’ ‘probably’ and ‘man I gotta work’ ripple through.

After we’re done, I realize that the new kid left a long time ago. That thought lasts for all of 2 seconds as I start to think about my Nana & Myers, somehow simultaneously. I get home and & say a quick ‘hey’ to my grandfather & throw the keys on the table & go to my room to figure out what I’m gonna wear .There’s no theme, so I can go all out alt tonight. I settle on some low rise bootcut jeans, black tank with a black baby phat jacket & some jays. Then, I get my silicon bracelets that say things like ‘YOLO’ and ‘Rawr XD.’ As fast as I got in, i’m back out again. When I get there, I put on my lip gloss in the truck & head in, avoiding the pay table in the lobby by walking in with a bunch of people. I see Jaidah, Kam, and my other friend, Tara.

“Where were you at all practice?” I ask Tara.

“I had something to do, chill on me.”

“Hey, we’re going to concessions, save us a seat in the student section.”

I walk into the gym & the girls are still playing, which means the boys are still sitting, really looming above the student section. I go sit court side. A black speck in a sea full of white. Not for long as my friends come with fries and Gatorade to boot. If someone took a picture of us in black in white, you would think this was a really modern sit in.

One of the boys from the basketball team walks down from their pedestal, which is a sign that the boys are going to go get ready in the locker room. “Emery says he misses you.” He says without breaking stride. He smiles but it’s not at me, it’s a girl behind me. I remember seeing her before I sat down. Mixed blonde hair with red lipstick, the exact opposite of me. Her friend laughs & my blood goes cold. “I guess I just got rizz like that.” At that, I cringe. Jaidah gets mad.

“Who the hell-”

“Let’s not make a scene, besides, it’s not like we’re together.” I stop her before she starts and never stops.

“But that’s still disrespectful as hell, you can’t take that type of disrespect.” Tara says. Kam nods, agreeing with his cousin.

Before I can even respond, he comes down and sits right by me. I hurry and look at my phone, knowing he didn’t come for me, and listened intently to their conversation. Nothing romantic, nothing personal said, no plans about after the game. Good. But I was still irritated. How dare he? He daps up Tara & Kam, since they know each other pretty well, and he walks off. I tried to shake it off. But after the girls game ended, & the boys do their run out from the locker room, he makes it a point to flip his hair and smile at her as he runs out. I could throw up. I’m not focusing on the game at all. So often I’ve felt alone in rooms full of people.

I’m moping and moody and struggling to enjoy myself and then Bam!I just almost missed it, but a player accidentally hit Meyers in the face with his arm while trying to get the rebound. I laugh and start texting my friends who aren’t at the game.

“Mhm, that’s what his ass gets.” Jaidah says.

“Karma is indeed a bitch.” I responded.

Thankfully for him halftime comes up and he’s off to see the athletic trainer. Cheerleaders do their song and dance and before you know it, it’s over, the boys are running back on, Meyers being the last one out. He comes out with a mask on his face protecting his nose, & sits on the bench for the rest of the game. In my head I think Karma, but in my heart, I hope he’s okay, and that he looks adorable with the mask on. Duality of man.

The game finishes, we win somehow, and everyone goes mingling. My friends, at their big grown age having to be home at a certain time leave. I get one of my underclassmen friends to take my pictures in the middle of the court. Every game I find an excuse to linger on the court so I can keep an eye on Meyers and see who he talks to. The first group is always his family, they come to every game and I think it’s adorable. Then he usually retreats to the locker room, probably feeling my watchful eye on him. From my vantage, I see the girl and her friends standing on the bleachers, and after he talks to his family members, he goes over to talk to her. The conversation seems tense, her arms are crossed and Meyers is in an awkward position.

I finished taking my pictures and I’m running out of things to do when he walks over to my direction. I know he’s not walking over to me so I’m about to walk back towards the bleachers to get out of his way, and get another good view of him. “You still like me with my face mask? “he looks dead at me and asks, a smile on his face and all like he hasn’t ignored me for the past 8 weeks. I stopped walking and looked at him in his eyes that I loved for so long. “You can never look bad to me. Meyers.” I say, try to walk off again this time to go cry in the car.

“You break up with that boy yet? Ah, so that confirms my suspicion as to why he was talking to little ms. prom date “why do you care? He gets closer to me, and my 6’6 giant of a man looks down at me then looks away. He was never able to look me in the eyes for long. Unless he was on top of me. “You know I miss you. That girl don’t mean nothing to me.” He also can’t stand still, I watch him as he rocks from side to side. “Meyers, You didn’t even give your condolences with my grandmother passed and not only that, you told Isaiah that ‘you don’t remember being with me’ and a whole bunch of other BS, so you’re going to have to try harder than that to win me back.” The gym is almost empty now. “Look, I’m going to text you later tonight so we can talk, okay? He says while jogging off.

“Do you even have to ask?” I walk out smiling to myself, reminiscing about the encounter. I know he doesn’t mean anything he says, and I know he just wants to have sex and get on my good side before basketball season is over and he comes back to wrestling, but I love him. As I’m about to open the truck door, the new guy seems to pop up out of nowhere. Me not being a jumpy person, seeing as how I can wrestle and I have a background in martial arts I look at him and say, “Girl what do you want from me? Sneaking up on people at night is weird.”

He steps closer.

“I had a feeling you wanted to talk to me today. My name is Gabriel.” He puts out his hand.

“Diane…” I dap him up, but the moment I touch him, I get chills and feel something I rarely feel, ever feel, Fear. The urge to run away and not look back. I snatch my hand away. “You’re cold, like, dead body cold.” And yes,I would know what that feels like. He looks at me, like he knew I’d have that reaction. “You… you are of the devil whatever you are I- ” He pushes me against the truck, trapping me between his arms. “But what if I told you,” he opens his mouth wide, revealing a set of fangs. “I’m a vampire?”