The Last Thing I Wanted

My name’s Loren Cooper. I just turned seventeen. Honestly? I hate talking about myself—mostly because I’ve already heard plenty from everyone else regarding my name, my body, and... well, everything. I’m tall, thin, with wavy brown hair, green eyes, and skin that is—tragically—super pale.

In short, I’m just an ordinary girl who still hasn't figured out why people feel the need to turn on me. People don't realize how much words can sting. They have no clue how much power they carry when they’re aimed the right way.

That’s why I live for reading and writing. Literature is my shield; it pulls me out of reality and wraps me in this fortress where only I’m allowed in. I spend a lot of time locked away in there. It’s not about being antisocial; I just love the peace of being alone with my passions, far away from the toxic judgments that usually drag me down.

My family is the "perfect" type—tight-knit, glowing, and full of high expectations that I’m pretty sure I’ll never meet. My parents own DRINK 'N 'CHOOL, one of the trendiest spots on Fifth Avenue. Their success doesn't go unnoticed, which means I’m constantly stuck with comments like, "You have your mother's eyes, your father's smile, and I bet you’ve got their business sense too!" It earns me eye-rolls and whispers daily, but hey, at least it pays for a decent amount of retail therapy. We live with my nine-year-old brother, Blaze, in a massive apartment overlooking the gates of Central Park.

I’m incredibly insecure, even though I loathe admitting it.

And despite being a total mess, I have a boyfriend. His name is Theo. He’s taller than me, lean, blonde, with these intense black eyes. They’re deep—the kind of eyes that stopped me in my tracks when I first felt them watching me ten months ago. We’ve been a couple for nine months now, but if I’m being real, I’m not sure we even are anymore. There are too many unasked questions and too many unspoken answers. It feels like there’s a magnetic field of doubt between us.

Something is wrong, and I can't explain it. He won't explain it. At least, he won't tell me what’s actually going on.

I head downstairs after getting a text from him. (I figured it would be one of our usual nights: a drive, a walk in the park, maybe a movie.) I open the door and breathe in the thick, muggy air of a gorgeous day. Gorgeous. At least, that’s what I thought it was.

Theo is leaning against his car—a red, sporty thing that everyone drouls over. He looks pissed, for a change, like he’s ready to snap at me. I’m scared; I can’t deny it. But I force myself to be brave. I walk up to him, he opens the door, and we both get in without saying a word.

"I really hope you’ve cut ties with Christian and Monroe," he says.

He’s talking about my two best friends. Christian is gay, so I have no idea why Theo is even jealous.

"No," I say, my voice short but shaky. God knows how he’ll react.

"I'm not going to tell you again."

"You don't understand," I argue. "They're just my—"

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND A DAMN THING, LOREN!"

I feel tears stinging my eyes, but I just turn my head to the window. I can feel his gaze drilling into the back of my neck.

"You need to stop. You aren't hanging out with any guy who isn't me. Nobody. Am I clear? What do you think people will say, huh?"

He’s always cared way too much about what other people think. Way too much. The first tear escapes and tracks down my left cheek.

"You’re mine, damn it." He grabs my knee hard. I flinch at his touch.

I give up on trying to hold back and just break down sobbing. I want to run, to get as far away from him as possible, but at the same time, I want him to hold me. I want him to tell me he’s only doing this because he cares, because of us. Doubts and harsh realities are flashing through my brain and I can't stop crying. What do I do now? I keep asking myself.

Theo realizes how I’m feeling. He looks regretful—I can tell by the way his head tilts and the way his jaw tightens.

"Babe, I'm sorry. Please, forgive me. I didn't mean it, you know that. I love you and I didn't... ugh... I just... every guy I know has looked at you the way only I should, and I just..."

"You're hurting me," is all I can manage. Really? You’re hurting me? All that pain reduced to three stupid words.

"I said I was sorry." Theo’s voice gets pushy again, losing patience. He grips the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turn white.

"Yeah, yeah. I’m sorry... I just meant I love you too." I force a smile and manage to trick him into thinking we're fine. I’m so in love that I feel like I can endure anything if it means keeping him.

Theo keeps driving, tossing out small talk to break the ice—trying to stop the chill between us from seeping into our skin. I give him vague, one-word answers. I can't open up like I usually do after what just happened.

"I thought we could grab a bite before I drop you home. What do you think?"

He puts a hand on my thigh, his fingertips pressing slightly. He always knows how to make me cave, and it’s not a good thing. I should resist, but I can't.

"Yeah, sure," I smile.

Theo parks near a café. We get out and he stands right in front of me, towering over me. I shyly look up.

"Hey," he whispers, reaching for my face. He grazes my cheeks and tucks a stray lock of hair behind my ear.

I try to smile, but there’s too much I need to say. I should tell him how much he rattles me, how dangerous his suffocating jealousy is getting.

"It’s just that—"

"What, Loren? What?" His tone is pleading now.

I find my strength and speak up. "It’s just that when you react like that, you scare me. I’m afraid of you." I feel the tears burning again, but this time I force myself to stand my ground.

"You know I’d never hurt you. You know that." He moves his hand from my face to my hip. A shiver runs down my spine and I blush.

Theo notices and smiles. "Never. I’m sorry, I know I overdo it, but you know how much you mean to me. I can’t stand the thought of someone taking away the person I love most."

At those words, I feel like my feet have left the ground. For a second, I’m flying.

Theo leans in and kisses me. I immediately recognize that feeling—the hollowness, the rush, the passion. His lips are soft and cool, sending chills from my cheeks down to my shoulders and back. I wrap my arms around his neck, and he pulls me in by my waist.

I pull away after a moment and he lets out a little moan like a wounded puppy.

"Ugh," he pouts. I laugh and brush a finger over his lips.

"Come on, let’s go or we’ll be late. I have to get home soon to watch my brother. You know my parents work nights."

"Right, true."

We head into the café, talking about Blaze. Theo is really sweet with him—he’s like the little brother Theo never had. His mom lost a baby a few months before he was due after a bad fall down the spiral staircase of their expensive New York apartment.

Author's Note

Good afternoon, everyone! I’m a new author here on Inkitt. I’ve decided to bring back an old story of mine that I never got around to finishing. I really hope you enjoy it!

I’ll be dropping two chapters every weekend. Since this is my first time publishing, I’m starting with the first 5 chapters today—I hope they keep you on the edge of your seats and help you get lost in Loren Cooper’s world.

See you soon and happy reading! :)