Chapter 1
When a person truly loves someone,they cant find any reason to hate them despite finding many. I had many reasons yet i stayed,for love is truly so cruel that it hurts you but you keep going back and back again. You’d still go back even after ‘learning’ your ‘lesson’ because you never asked for any. It’s hard to let go but then on a random tuesday you realise that you truly lost them and cant do anything except accepting it,accepting the disrespect,lies,lies,lies and lies. Was it all a lie? Just because im pretty? Dont i have a heart? Didnt he feel that maybe,maybe i deserve to be loved for being myself and not for my looks. That maybe i truly love him with all i could. Loving someone is real risky because you never know if it’s going to be a lesson or the only thing you’d ask for. I would love someone again someday but how can i forget him?the time we spent,the way we talked,how we vented to each other,late night talks,the uncomfortable talks which were wayy comfortable with him,the way he made me feel like the best and the prettiest person in the world? I’d love someone,yes, but would i love them the way i loved someone who was supposed to be mine at 14? When you love someone and see them backing away it truly hurts your chest as if they stabbed you with their own words. He warned me ‘dont talk too much’ ‘dont be too good or else people leave you’ ‘dont be too nice or people will take advantage of it’ was he talking about himself all along?Was any of it real? Did he really have a feeling for me? Was i someone in his mind? Am i still someone in his mind? Am i only to be loved because of my looks? I find many reasons to hate him but i dont find a way to. I never thought that my heart would betray me. You know you truly love them when you start mentioning them in your prayers. I wish there was no such thing as ‘learning your lesson’, because i just loved,i did not ask for any lesson. Maybe god helped me,he was with me all the way until now. Gosh i remember how it feels to just let them go the pain in your chest as if something has been ripped off you,that someone took away something from you so special that you cant find any reasons to live. I truly am pathetic to love someone who i cant have. I know where to look but i dont know if you’d even choose to look for me
Im not putting efforts cuz i dont expect anyone to read this soo ill just leave this here and sorry for bad english.
