The Ache

She stares at her laptop, her hands hovering, a subtle tremble in her palms. Worry seeps in; my pace towards her speeds up. She wraps her hands together, massaging them, and as I return to the table from clearing our coffee mugs, my eyebrows angle in concern,

“Hands okay?” I ask.

She clears her throat. Something flickers across her face. Discomfort, maybe fear, but it’s gone almost before it lands. Then her gaze settles on me, softening in that way I’ve learned is rare currency. Elly with the edges down. I love it when she looks at me with those eyes.

“Yeah,” she says. “Just cramped.”

She flexes her fingers once, like they don’t quite belong to her today, then tucks them into her sleeves, embarrassed that I noticed.

“Did you stay up all night writing again?” I tease.

“No. I was good. Shut everything down by seven.” A pause. “It’s not from that.”

I tilt my head. “Then what?”

She exhales through her nose, a quiet, rueful sound, and one of her hands reaches up to press into her sternum. I know when she does that, it’s to find comfort and control. I’ve known her long enough to learn some of her tells. There’s a crack in my chest; everything in me wants to protect her, to care for her.

“From wanting things and not letting myself have them.”

I laugh softly. “Too much time with a vibrator?” I take a subtle breath, willing myself not to imagine all the ways to picture that.

She rolls her eyes, but there’s relief in the smile. “Funny. No. Though that probably would’ve helped.” That last part seemed under her breath, as if talking to herself and making a note for later. But I heard it, and I’m not letting it go.

“Helped with what?”

She hesitates, eyes dropping to the table between us, then she takes a breath.

“I can’t shake how aroused I’ve been lately. There must be a full moon coming.”

“So why haven’t you found yourself time or a one-night stand to help with that?”

“Because I don’t do one-night stands. I like fucking someone because I genuinely like them for them and want that intimate connection. I’m a long-term kind of girl. And I’ve been busy, haven’t had much time to pull out the industrial equipment lately.”

“So this is what happens when you don’t get some?”

“It’s not that simple. I have nerve damage throughout my body thanks to my illness. If I ignore my arousal too long, my body gets… loud. Everything tightens. When your body can’t calm down on its own, when your nerves misfire and muscles micro-contract and tense without the ability to relax… It hurts.”

“How bad does it get?”

“Bad enough that moving feels expensive.” She shrugs, like she’s talking about the weather. “It’ll pass eventually, just takes a few days of staying home like I’m sick.”

I watch her pack her bag with careful precision, the way people do when they’re in pain. She gets up and diverts all eye contact, pulling her body away, as if embarrassed that she revealed more than she wanted to.

“Elly,” I say quietly, “Why are you doing that to yourself?”

Her eyes find mine again. “Do what?”

She walks fast, keys already in her hand as we leave the café.

“Why aren’t you taking better care of yourself? This is something you obviously need, so maybe you shouldn’t hold back so much; maybe these moments are your exceptions to the rule of random fucks.” We both climb into her car, heading to her apartment, where mine is parked.

She grips the steering wheel harder than necessary as she answers. “Every time I let someone close without intention, it costs me more than it gives. I’m tired of paying for connection with my body.”

When we park, neither of us moves right away.

“I don’t want shallow relief,” she says. “I want something that actually settles me.”

I step out of the car with her. At the point where our paths split—her door, my car—I make a decision that’s been waiting months for permission.

I catch her waist, firm but careful, guiding her back just enough that she has to feel me there. Not trapped. Held. I feel her tense, her hands pressed to my chest, but she’s not pushing me away. Then, her body softens, and she leans into me. Like a magnet, I feel my hold tighten, bringing her closer to me. With Elly this close, hope surges—she wants me as much as I want her. Cherry Blossoms fill my nose; it’s her perfume dancing around me. I feel a stiffening within me. I need to focus, to stay in control. Elly deserves to feel safe in my arms first, then desired.

Her breath stutters. “What are you doing?”

“Offering something different,” I say, low and steady as I take her lips. With one hand wrapped around her waist, and one combing into her hair at the nape, I show her what the option before her is.

As I lean back, she searches my face, guarded hope cracking through.

“I’m not asking you to give yourself away,” I add. “I’m asking if I can help you stop fighting your own body.”

She doesn’t answer right away. But she doesn’t step back either.

“This isn’t pity, this is stepping up when an opportunity presents itself. I’ve wanted you since we first met. But know this, that if you accept my help, it won’t be casual. It would mean choosing each other— you’d be mine, and I’d be yours going forward.”

She stares at me in surprise, her face open with emotion, so I can’t tell if she’s interested or thinking of all the nicest ways to turn me down, knowing how sweet she tends to be. My face flushes with heat. I may feel confident enough within myself to be so forward with her, but I’m still scared she’ll reject me, and then our friendship will be over. I’m taking a big risk. But she’s worth it.

Taking another chance, I lean in and lightly pull and suck on her lips, using my own to ask her for more. Her head stretches forward slightly, her lips fully locking with mine. There’s so much emotion in her kiss, hunger from how long she’s gone not being touched, but something else too.

Her fingers twitch against my chest; her lips part slightly before closing against mine again, and a shiver runs through her. I match her energy, her need, and step into her, feeling her pressed against every part of me. I wrap my arms around her, letting her feel how much I care. It’s an innocent kiss; there is no groping or rubbing, it’s pure affection and passion without any ulterior intent. But not for long…

I lean back, still holding her and look into her hazy eyes,

“If that kiss had words, I think it’d say you want me too. But I need clarity, sweets. I offer two choices: we can leave this here, no guilt, no pressure… or you can let go and let me relieve the pain you’re in. Then I’ll hold you as long as you want. I won’t leave right away, unless you want me to go. Ok?”

It’s hard not to fall back into a deep make-out session right there, in the alley between her house and the next, but somehow I refrain long enough to get her inside. Then, as I turn back from closing the door behind us, I look to her, and she steps closer as if offering herself. I open my arms for her to step into me, where I hold her steady. Then, I carry her to her bedroom, where I lay her on the bed and slowly undress her, then myself.

Climbing on the bed over her, sliding against her body, feels like a luxury I can’t afford. Her curves and warmth, so decadent, I want to savor every inch.

I start at her lips, so soft and supple, her tongue so perfect against mine. Elly tastes sweet, like a forbidden fruit I don’t want to share. My hand caresses her jaw and neck as I delve deeper into her mouth as she whimpers into mine, her need obvious and receptive.

My hands explore her body, tracing down her delicate neck, where I lean in and nibble and suck. Her head bends back in pleasure as I do. My hands slide down between her breasts, then under and around until finally I gently grab them. One at a time I kiss her sweet little nipples, the hardening buds begging me to suck them into my mouth, causing delicious moans to spill from her breath and fill my cock with a steelness that craves to be deep inside her.

I move down her body kissing and licking, sucking and nipping; her hips, her mound, her thighs, then finally her… core. I grab and spread her legs, then lift them over my shoulders, drawn in by her need, her wetness, and the heady scent that enthralls me. Her fists twist the sheets as my fingers slip inside her, and her body writhes against me, wild and feral, responding to every touch.

“Kiss me, I need you closer.” She asks, I can’t deny her anything, not when she responds so freely with me. But my sanity wavers, because as she tastes herself on my lips, my cock rubs against her very wet and loving hole. I want so badly to thrust inside her, but I hold back until I can’t anymore.

“Please.” She leans back and looks at me, passion burning in her eyes. “I want you inside me… please. Let me feel you fill me.”

Such a simple, honest request. I’m past denying either of us now, but before I move, she reaches for me.

Her fingers wrap around my wrist and guide my hand to her throat.

“Like this,” she says, steady. Wanting.

I close my hand around her neck, firm enough to claim, not enough to take. Her breath stutters, her eyes rolling back as she tips her chin up, offering herself fully into my control.

The sight of her—trusting, open, choosing this—nearly undoes me.

With a deep growl, I line up with my hips, my eyes still locked on hers as I push in with a slowness that feels borderline torture for each of us. Then, once seated, I begin to thrust. Her mouth opens, her body arches into mine, her hands slide around my body trying to find new ways to merge us closer, and with her growing response, I speed up.

“Oh my god, don’t stop. Mmmnnf!”

Our bodies slap together, faster and faster. Our breaths panting, and grunts and moans filling the space between us until finally, I feel a wet warmth. Elly’s squirting around my cock as I drive into her, feeling how tight she hugs me as convulsions take her over.

“Yes! Fuck!” She yells, still squeezing me so tight. The scene before me is so vivid and so hot I can’t help but join in, my body quaking alongside hers. My thrusts become poundings before they begin to slow and soften until I’m just holding her against me, still inside her but slipping out as we both land after that soaring explosion. I kiss her forehead. She hugs me closer, and we stay like this for a while.

“How are you feeling now, sweets?” I ask once our breathing is calmer.

“Better, but I might need a round two to be extra sure.”

“I was hoping you’d say that!”