The Ache

“James?” The barista calls out.

“Yea!” I answer, holding up two fingers.

“Here ya go.” She hands me a bag, the scent of freshly ground coffee wafting from within. “Sorry we ran out, and thank you for waiting while I put together a new bag. It’s fresh.”

“Thanks.” I glance toward our table as I head back. Elly is staring at her laptop, her hands hovering over the keyboard. There’s a subtle tremble in them. She must notice it too, because she looks down at them as she wraps her hands together. I know that motion. I’ve seen it enough over the years to know she’s trying to massage the pain away. I also know that it rarely works. I watch her for another second. Somewhere along the way, my steps have quickened. By the time I reach the table, my brows are already drawn together.

“Hands okay?” I ask.

She clears her throat. Something flickers across her face. Discomfort, maybe fear, but it’s gone almost before it lands. Then her gaze settles on me, softening in that way I’ve learned is rare currency. Elly with the edges down. I love it when she looks at me with those eyes.

“Yeah,” she shrugs. “Just cramped.”

She flexes her fingers once, like they don’t quite belong to her today, then tucks them into her sleeves, embarrassed that I noticed.

“Did you stay up all night writing again?” I tease.

“No. I was good. Shut everything down by seven.” A pause. “It’s not from that.” She won’t meet my eyes.

I tilt my head. “Then what?”

She exhales through her nose, a quiet, rueful sound, and one of her hands reaches up to press into her sternum. I know when she does that, it’s to find comfort and control. I’ve known her long enough to learn some of her tells. There’s a crack in my chest; everything in me wants to protect her, to care for her.

“From wanting things and not letting myself have them.”

I laugh softly. “Too much time with a vibrator?” I take a subtle breath, willing myself not to imagine all the ways to picture that.

She rolls her eyes, but there’s relief in the smile. “Funny. No. Though that probably would’ve helped.” That last part seemed under her breath, as if talking to herself and making a note for later. But I heard it, and I’m not letting it go. Not anymore.

“Helped with what?”

She hesitates, eyes dropping to the table between us, then she takes a breath.

“I can’t shake how aroused I’ve been lately. There must be a full moon coming.”

“So why haven’t you found yourself a one-night stand to help with that?”

“Because I don’t do one-night stands.”

“Still, if it would ease the pain… then maybe you ought to.”

“James, whenever I’m with someone, it’s only because I truly want to be with them. And that wanting is about them, about the two of us together—not about my wound-too-tight, needy-as-fuck body craving release.”

“So then, is there anyone you do genuinely want to be with? Someone who can take that pain away?”

“It’s not that simple.” She almost whispers,

“What if it could be? Tell me about him.” The last thing I want is to hear about some other guy she’s interested in, but showing up for my best friend matters far more than putting my own wishes first.

“He’s not an option for me.” She shrugs. “It’ll pass eventually; it just takes a few days of staying home like I’m sick.”

Something about how she says that lingers in my mind. A strange lightness spreads through my chest, and a laugh nearly escapes me. I swallow it down. I don’t want to let myself hope too much; I could be wrong… but what if I’m not. Could she mean…?

“Elly,” I say quietly, “Why are you doing that to yourself?”

Her eyes find mine again. “Do what?”

She walks fast, keys already in her hand as we leave the café.

“Quitting before ever trying. What if he is an option?” We both climb into her car, heading to her apartment, where mine is parked.

She grips the steering wheel harder than necessary as she answers. “Because I’m scared.”

When we park, neither of us moves right away. I look over to see her playing with her keys, staring into the distance. “Because he is so important to me,” she says, her cheeks turning red. “I can’t risk it.”

“The only man I know of in your life that would be that important is me. Are you saying you love me?” I tease her, leaning over and lightly tickling her in her side, trying to lighten the mood and make her smile. I love when she smiles.

She giggles, but the smile drops from her face almost as quickly as it appears. Fear—or what I think is fear—fills her eyes. “What if I am?”

Relief fills me. Those are so close to the words I’ve wanted to hear for so long. My heart pounds, nearly knocking the breath from my lungs. This might finally be our moment. I won’t waste another second being afraid. This time, I make a decision for myself.

When we step out of the car, I come around to her side and catch her waist, walking her backwards until she’s pressed against her door, just enough that she can’t help but feel me right there in front of her. I feel her tense, and I loosen my hold. Her hands press to my chest, but she’s not pushing me away. Then her body softens, and her hands almost pull me closer as they brush up and rest at my shoulders. With Elly this close, hope surges—she wants me as much as I want her. Cherry blossoms fill my nose; it’s her perfume dancing around me.

Her breath stutters. “What are you doing?”

“Taking my own risk,” I say, low and steady. With one hand wrapped around her waist, and one combing into her hair at the nape, I tell her how I feel without a single word spoken.

As I lean back, she searches my face, guarded hope cracking through.

“I’m not asking to set our friendship aside; it will always be there,” I add. “I’m asking if you think we can also explore what I think we both feel underneath that friendship. Let me help you with the pain. Let me take care of you not as a friend would, but as someone who is more than that.”

She doesn’t answer right away. But she doesn’t step back either.

“I’ve wanted you since we first met.” I whisper, tucking hair behind her ear, “But know this: if you accept my help, it won’t be casual. It would mean choosing each other—you’d be mine, and I’d be yours going forward.”

She stares at me in surprise, her face open with emotion, so I can’t tell if she’s interested or thinking of all the nicest ways to turn me down, knowing how sweet she tends to be. My face flushes with heat. I’m taking a big risk. But she’s worth it.

Taking another chance, I lean in, my lips seeking hers. Her head tilts slightly, angling for the best fit as I brush our lips together, licking lightly at her seam and asking for entrance. Her breath is sweet and warm as it fans against me. She’s so soft. When her lips part, I pluck at them with my own: one, two, three times before my tongue glides in and I swallow her moans.

Her fingers twitch against my chest as if she’s fighting a need to fist my shirt, still scared to show me she wants more. Her lips part slightly before closing against mine again, and a shiver runs through her. I wrap my arms around her, letting her feel how much I care, and I match her moans, letting her know how much I desire her. It’s an innocent kiss; there is no groping or rubbing. It’s pure affection and passion without any ulterior intent. But not for long…

I lean back, still holding her as I look into her hazy eyes,

“If that kiss had words, I think it’d say you want me too. But I need clarity, sweets. I offer two choices: we can leave this here, no guilt, no pressure, friendship intact… or you can let go and let me relieve the pain you’re in. Then I’ll hold you as long as you want. I won’t leave right away, unless you want me to go. Ok?”

It’s hard not to fall back into a deep make-out session right there, in the alley between her house and the next, but somehow I refrain long enough to get her inside. Then, as I turn back from closing the door behind us, I look to her. She steps closer as if offering herself. The look in her eyes calls to me like a siren, and she’s biting her lip... Her familiar confidence has returned, but now I see it through entirely different eyes. I open my arms for her to step into me, where I hold her steady. Then, I carry her to her bedroom, where I lay her on the bed and slowly undress her, then myself.

Climbing on the bed over her, sliding against her body, feels like a luxury I can’t afford. Her curves and warmth are so decadent, I want to savor every inch.

I start at her lips, so soft and supple, her tongue so perfect against mine. Elly tastes sweet, like a forbidden fruit I don’t want to share. My hand caresses her jaw and neck as I delve deeper into her mouth and she whimpers into mine, her body responding beneath my hands.

My hands explore her body, slowly tracing down her delicate neck, where I lean in and nibble and suck. I’ve imagined it a hundred ways, then a hundred more over the years. All the ways I would love her body if I ever had the honor. Her head bends back in pleasure with my every touch. As I move down to her breasts, I catch her fists clenching the sheets. She gasps as I kiss along her sternum, then under and around each breast, until finally my hands wrap around them. She whimpers, her thighs clenching. Her breathing turns ragged.

I look up to see her eyes pinned to my hands; she is watching with rapt focus everything I do with her tits. Keeping my eyes locked on hers, I kiss each nipple in turn. The hardening buds practically beg me to take them into my mouth, and I do. Delicious moans spill from her breath, filling my cock with a need to be deep inside her. Her head collapses back, her fists even tighter in the sheets, and her chest arching into me, shamelessly pushing her breasts into me and silently begging for more. I stick my tongue out and circle the outsides of each nipple before nipping one, as I move further down. Her whimpers from the loss follow me.

Grabbing her legs, I spread them wide, lifting them over my shoulders. She’s gorgeous laid out before me, open for me. My gaze lingers on her sex, so wet, so pink. The heady scent of her need enthralls me. Her mouth opens on a silent scream as my fingers slip inside her. Her hips undulate, her whole body writhing for me, wild and feral, responding to every touch.

“Kiss me. I need you closer,” she asks. I can’t deny her. Not when she’s finally letting herself reach for me. But my sanity wavers, because as she tastes herself on my lips, my cock rubs against her very wet and loving hole. I want so badly to thrust inside her, but I hold back until I can’t anymore. She is the kind of woman who deserves to be savored.

“Please.” She leans back and looks at me, passion burning in her eyes. “I want you inside me, James… please. Be one with me.”

Such a simple, honest request. I’m past denying either of us now, but before I move, she reaches for me.

Her fingers wrap around my wrist and guide my hand to her throat.

“Like this,” she says, steady. Wanting.

I close my hand around her neck, firm enough to claim, not enough to take. Her breath stutters, her eyes rolling back as she tips her chin up, offering herself fully into my control.

The sight of her—trusting, open, choosing this—nearly undoes me.

With a deep growl, I line myself up, my eyes still locked on hers as I push in with a slowness that feels borderline torture for both of us. Then, once seated, I begin to thrust. Her mouth opens, her body arches into mine, her hands seeking, trying to find new ways to merge us closer, and with her growing response, I speed up.

“Oh my god, don’t stop. Mmmnnf!”

Our bodies slap together, faster and faster. My hand tightens around her neck as I sharpen my thrusts, rough but thorough. Our breaths panting, our grunts and moans filling the space between us until finally, I feel a wet warmth. Elly’s squirting around my cock as I drive into her, feeling how tight she hugs me as convulsions take her over.

“Yes! Fuck!” She yells, still squeezing me so tight. The scene before me fills my body with a pressure only she can release. Elly, like this is so hot I can’t look away as I begin to quake alongside her. My thrusts become poundings before they pause, my cock seated deep inside, pulsing with each shot of my cum filling her. As it ebbs, I begin thrusting again, slower, softer, until I’m just holding her against me, still inside her but slipping out as we both land after that soaring explosion. I kiss her forehead. She hugs me closer, and we stay like this for a while.

“How are you feeling now, sweets?” I ask once our breathing is calmer.

“Better, but I might need a round two to be extra sure.”

“I was hoping you’d say that!”