The Girlfriend & The Best Friend

The sun is shining brightly through the hallway doors and I sigh. It's a prefect spring day for biking, hiking, or playing catch in the park, and yet, I'm anxious. I feel jittery all over!

I don't understand it. I feel like a big dark cloud is blocking my sunshine right now, and I don't even know what it is! Everyone around me is smiling and making plans for the weekend.

And yet, here I am, wondering if the end of the world is coming, or maybe it's the zombie apocalypse? Whatever the hell this feeling is, I wish it would just go away. I don't like foreboding feelings! They make me feel yucky!

Whatever this feeling is I've got, I don't think it has anything to do with school... At least, I don't think it does. So far everything seems to be going through just fine!

I've only got two more months left and I can leave this place. I'm graduating and going to get a degree in engineering. I like learning how things work and fit together.

But it's been a really long week, and I really just want to head to the park and play some baseball... Or skateboard... Or really anything to get all this energy out of me.

I need to get out of here. I need to catch some sun and breathe in the fresh air. That's really the only thing I can think of to do right now to get this crappy feeling gone.

I pull my ponytail through the back of my ballcap, just trying to keep my hands busy. My dark curls fall over my shoulder. "It's all gonna be fine, JJ! What is wrong with you? You're freaking out over nothing!" I berate myself for the 3rd time in 2 minutes.

I don't know why, but something's been feeling off all day long. Maybe it's the way people have been whispering when I pass by? Or maybe the sly looks I've been getting that send acid down to my gut. I don't mind being the center of attention when I'm playing on the softball field, or when I'm on my board. But this... This is something else and I don't like it.

Maybe I'll ask Trix to grab a milkshake with me...That should cheer me up! Nothing like a tall glass of frozen chocolate dairy to make me come to my senses!

Unless she's got cheer after school... Crap. I guess that won't work then. She'll be busy until 4, and I'm not waiting around that long for a freaking shake!

Maybe Mark would come with me? He doesn't have practice today. I should know, I normally show up to watch them, unless I have other plans or Mom needs me home early. Maybe then we can go to the park and play catch.

Actually, that sounds like a great idea! I can work on my pitching. It will definitely be a way to get rid of all my nervous energy, and maybe I ask him if he noticed anything going on today?

I grab all my books from my locker and stuff them into my bag. I smile to myself, ready to spend some time with my best friend in the park. He always has a way of calming me down when I get too worked up.

Just as I'm turning around my heart stops. Because here comes Mark and Trixi walking down the hallway. His arm is around her shoulder, and he kisses her on her cheek. This is not normal.

My stomach sinks to my toes. Is this why I've been feeling so off all day? Did I suddenly gain some psychic abilities to know when my day was going to crush my soul?

"Hey, JJ!" Trixi giggles, leaning into Mark. "You'll NEVER GUESS! Mark asked me to be his girlfriend!" she sends me a knowing smirk. "Well, I kinda helped. I walked up to him and confessed I'd liked him more than my friend for so long! And well, he said he liked me too!"

The sting of betrayal almost hurts more than all my tiny dreams of ever getting to be with Mark flying out the window. She knows I've been in love with Mark for years. She is the only one in school I've trusted with this. She's my best friend, after all.

But she's right. I've just never done anything about it. And I guess, she did. But from the looks of things, he's never felt the same way. The way he's beaming down at her with so much adoration has something tightening in my chest.

I can't seem to breathe! But he doesn't seem to notice. However, if that smirk on her face has anything to say, she knows exactly what she's doing to me right now.

"That's great, guys. Congrats!" I smile, but it feels plastic. If they really do want to be together, that's fine. I love them, after all. I'd never try to pull them apart. Not now that they've made their intentions clear.

However, I have to get out of here. Now!

"He finally got the courage up to ask ME out! Aren't we adorable together? The baseball star and the cheerleader!" She giggles. "Oh! We can be Marxi! Whaddya think? We have to update our status now!" she insists, grabbing out her phone and taking a selfie of the two of them.

"Well, we do look great together," Mark agrees with a blush, "But you probably don't need to rub it in. JJ can see it for herself. We just match," he says with a careless shrug. "And we probably could've waited to update our status when we were alone..."

All those pieces in my head click into place. The gears start to whirr and tick. All those looks she kept sending Mark. All those times she said she was busy and didn't have time to hang out. She was getting closer to Mark. All those empty promises...

"You do match. I'm happy for you guys," I mumble, suddenly sick to my stomach. Why am I still here? I should've booked it the moment they stepped around the corner.

"See, we didn't have to say anything! She probably already figured it out. She's smart like that," Mark winks at me. "Don't worry, JJ, someday you'll find a guy who likes skater girls."

Why the hell does that hurt so much to hear him say that? He could have NOT said it and just left me alone, but he just had to make sure that dagger sunk deep and then twists hard. The thing is, I don't even know if he's doing this to hurt me on purpose, or if he's just completely oblivious.

"Yeah, someday, I'll find my own prince charming. I'll see ya guys later," I mumble turning away from them, trying valiantly not to let my tears fall until I leave the school.

I can see the sly looks I've been getting all day. I hear all the whispers now. "What's JJ gonna do?" follows me through the hallway.

"Where are you going? I was going to give you a ride?" Mark calls out. I can hear him trying to catch up to me, but I refuse to stop and turn around.

Why would he care right now anyway? I'm sure he wants to be alone with Trixi.

"I'm fine..." I mumble. "I've... gotta go."

"JJ? Are you okay?"

Now he asks if I'm okay? Did he not notice how I felt at all? I guess he didn't care for me as much as I thought he did. Maybe he's always been planning on going out with Trixi. And I was always supposed to be the best friend.

How the hell am I supposed to answer that?

Because the truth is, no. I'm not okay. But how to I tell him that without telling him he just broke my heart?