Chapter 1
Have you ever been so cold, that it penetrates your skin and seeps into your bones? You know, the kind of cold only fourty minutes under hot water can fix. Well thats what death feels like.
At least thats what my bestfriend told me, after she was hit by a bus walking home from the gas station down the block. “Cold, nothingness,” she said.
I felt similar, walking in the rain to my evening shift at the diner almost ten years later. Cold, empty. The rain squished under my boots. The sound was almost comforting paired with the drips and running water that created a small stream underneath my feet.
The quiet was nice. But the peace wasnt enough to drown out the chaos in my skull. How could I walk calmly to work as if I had no idea of the incidents that had been plaguing my small town? Or rather, how and why they were happening..
It was all my fault. People were hurt, people were killed, people lost their loved ones… All because of me. Me and Lily, that is. My bestfriend.
I rounded the corner of 7th street and could see the front of the diner, flashy red letters blinking “open”. I looked down to the blaring lights reflected in the water beneath my boots, countless storefronts rippling away as I stepped into natures mirror, splashing water every which way.
I wont lie. A part of me did want those people dead. But I didn’t mean it, and I surely didn’t feel that way now. Despite any regrets, they were gone. Swallowed by the cold, nothingness of death.
Warm hands grasped my forearms and steadied me in place. I gasped and instinctively grabbed onto their arms, looking up into warm hazel eyes and sun kissed freckles.
The never ending chill I just never seemed to be able to shake, lessened. River, my sweet, knowing girlfriend, brushed a few loose strands of hair from my face.
“Hey pretty girl. You okay?” Her eyebrows were furrowed together in a seriously concerned manner, but she smiled gently. She wore a large graphic hoodie; no doubt over her favorite metallica crewneck; and loose fitted jeans, a small chain draped near one hip.
I took a second to breath and admire her ability to make any space feel so safe. The way her dark brown hair framed her face, ending just below her shoulders. The way she stood perfectly an inch and a half taller than me, and the way she looked at me like I was the world.
I sighed and fell into her chest. She wrapped her arms around me, rocking slowly side to side. I had that tendency, to rock myself when I was anxious or upset. She knew that. She knew everything.
Except about Lily.. and my connection with the murders. I wondered if she’d blame me too, how I blame myself. If she’d even see me the same.
“Yea! I’m okay.. just tired. What are you doing here?” That came off wrong, I knew immediately. She made a face and pulled back, going to step away.
“I’m sorry, I just figured with how stressed you’ve been-” I cut her off.
“No! No, no, I’m so glad to see you! I was just wondering..” I laughed nervously. “Hi. I love you. I’m happy you’re here. To what do I owe the pleasure?” I playfully bowed to kiss her hand. She chuckled lowly, but the concern didnt leave her face.
Hell, I’d be concerned too. I’d barely been able to eat or sleep, fighting off nightmares and ghosts.. Quite literally.
“I finished up at the auction house early to make sure I could come check on you and give you a kiss before your shift.. I also wanted to give you this.” She smiled, taking a step back and pulling a small jewelry box out of her pocket.
My jaw dropped.
“I. Um-“ she laughed, grabbing my hand and using her other to place the box within my palm.
“Just open it, we’ve only been together nine months it’s not a goddamn engagement ring.” She chuckled some more. I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Im sorry..” I fiddled with the zipper of my jacket nervously, chuckling.
“You’re okay. Just open it.” She brushed the side of my face with her thumb. I laughed nervously, pulling the lid off the small box. It was a charm bracelet. Dainty and silver, with dragonflies, keys, moons and stars for the charms. Each charm had a small gem inlaid in various places. It was stunning.
“River, I.. wow. Thank you.” I had no words. She rubbed her forearms nervously.
“So, you like it?” She reached to help me put it on.
“I love it. I love it so much. Thank you. It’s gorgeous.” I admired the charms as she clasped the bracelet onto my wrist.
“It made me think of you. And I dont know how spiritual you are, but it’s also a protection ward.” She turned one of the moons around to show me a rune burned into the back; elegantly, neatly; as if it was always meant to be there.
If only she knew how real spirits were, and how much I needed something like a protection ward. But I wasn’t sure a rune could help me much… This was bigger than some symbolic drawing. Even though, I clasped my hand over hers.
“Thank you baby. You are so sweet. I appreciate you and everything you do for me, more than you know.” I moved up to kiss her, wrapping my hands around her neck and pulling her into me. She wrapped her arms around my waist, returning my embrace.
“Of course, Love. You have three minutes to clock in though, so I should probably get headed out.” She chuckled. I nodded, we hugged and kissed again briefly before saying our goodbyes, and I rushed into the diner. Absolutely soaked, yet still warmer from my encounter than I had been on the way there.
After clocking in, I started on dishes. It wasn’t the dream, but a girl’s gotta start somewhere. This was my last year of school, and I needed to learn how to be on my own.
Not that I was ever truly alone. Lily never left my side. When I was younger, I was grateful, I felt blessed even. Nowadays it was just depressing.
After she died, I was in shambles. At the tender age of ten, I had a very minimul knowledge of death. I didn’t understand what everyone meant when they told me I’d never see her again. Especially because; I could see her standing there in the corner.
It was at her open casket funeral that I was really confused. There she laid, pale and still. Only the top half of her was visible, her long blonde hair curled neatly and her hands folded over her chest.
And yet, there she stood, looking down at herself from next to me. She appeared just as confused as I was. When she looked up at me, we made eye contact. She seemed sad.
“Can you hear me?” She whispered. I scrunched my brows together.
“Barely. You’re whispering.” I replied. Tears sprung to her eyes, and she laughed loudly. I looked around to see if anyone else noticed her commotion, but they acted as if there was no sound aside from the low chatter of the adults.
“What is happening?” I asked, hoping Lily could give me a better answer than what I’d received from the adults. She shook her head slowly.
“I died, Salem.” She said bluntly. But if she was dead, how was she here?
“Is this a prank?” I asked, but at that moment Lily’s mom put a hand on my shoulder and I turned to look into her tearful eyes.
“I’m so glad to see you. I know this must all be so confusing.” Oh, she had no idea. “There’s something I wanted to give you.”
She pulled the hairclip Lily had worn just about every day since kindergarten out of her purse. Simple, black with pink polka dots. It’s paint was chipped in some places, evidence of its frequent usage over the years.
I glanced to the body that lay inside the coffin, noting that I’d missed the clips absence. But the Lily standing next to me wore the same one. How could the clip be in two places at once?
Lily’s mom placed the clip in my hand, closing her eyes as a tear rolled smoothly down her cheek. I grasped it, but sweat was beading on my forehead and suddenly I felt sick.
Nothing was making any sense. I mumbled a low thank you and walked quickly away.
It was a stunning service. The church was filled with flowers, candles, and loved ones dressed in nice clothes; a black and grey sea of beautiful mourners.
I brushed past all of it, finding the tall door and pushing my way outside. I took a deep breath of fresh air, stumbling to sit at the steps. I felt the need to cry, but I wasnt sure the reason. Had I lost my best friend? Inside everyone was behaving so. Was this other girl an imposter?
I’d heard about those, on Scooby-Doo.
I didn’t have long to ponder because suddenly Lily was beside me, taking her seat on the stone step and looking at her feet. Or, imposter Lily.
“I’m scared.” She said quietly. The tears I’d been fighting welled.
“I’m scared too.” I replied. She looked up at me, and I noticed her clothes. The same ones she’d worn to school the day the incident happened. A yellow below knee length sundress, over white leggings paired to little black dress shoes with one black strap across the middle of her foot. Her sundress was littered in small pink flowers.
The clothes differed from the white long sleeve dress the body inside wore, with puffy shoulders and frill around the collar. Anyhow, there was no way the bottom half of that dress survived the incident; I saw her legs get ripped from her body.. and half of the dress went with it.
I shook away the memory, looking away from her and to my hands, clasped in front of me.
“I just remember I’d went to get a soda pop and butterfinger after school, like always. I was crossing the street, waving to you. You were waving back, and suddenly..” she trailed off.
“Suddenly, what?” I felt sick all over again. I could remember the sound that was made as the bus collided with her small body. The scream that tore from my throat, my mother grabbing me and running me inside, covering my face with her hands.
“Suddenly.. there was just.. cold, nothingness.” She looked to me, as if I might say something like ‘yea, I know what you mean’ but all I could do was stare blankly ahead at the trees in the parking lot.
Just then my mother stepped out of the church. Her eyes were red; the loss of a child was heavy on all of the hearts in our close-knit little town.. But especially for people like Mom, who’d watched Lily grow up alongside the other girls and me in our neighborhood.
I looked at Lily, but she was already standing and dusting off her dress. I wondered if dirt could even cling to a ghost, let alone ghost clothes.
“The service is starting, sweetheart. Do you need to go home? Or are you okay?” She’d been checking on me every twenty minutes all night. I felt like I was choking on air.
“No mom, I’m okay.” The words were like sandpaper in my mouth. My mom smiled a small, tight lipped smile, and ushered me back into the church. Lily stepped in just before me, brushing against my mom as her small body slid by. My mom shivered, pulling her cardigan tighter around her shoulders.
I cast my gaze downward, and followed my mom through the sea of bodies. She was very upset, maybe more so than I was. My grief was clouded with confusion. And truth be told, I never got rid of it.
And as I grew up, Lily still at my side, it turned to a deep sadness. As I grew I learned, and things made more sense. How I could see and speak to her was beyond me, but I researched the paranormal and figured she felt she had some sort of unfinished business.
But as I grew, Lily stayed the same. The same dress, same height, same hair.. nothing ever changed. It was like her body had frozen in time.
