"Lord… can you hear me?"

Pov: in a small town.

Full of flowers and grass.

You might be wondering what the difference is?

Hi am shalom.

A little secret place, that was reserved for me and my mind.

On a captivity of my fears, and doubt.

Last time, I said God I think it's happening again.

This time am saying, God can you hear me?.

You might want to ask, does all this alight.

Yes they do.

Always having doubts in your mind.

Especially if you are still young.

Is not fair.

Lord I don't know if you ever listen to me or not.

I think I canot put my finger in a side to believe.

But what I just know is, I have been told about you my whole life.

But I feel like when I try to know you.

I get tired, I get confused.

Am scared.

Will you accept me, after everything.

I do doubt that.

Yes am not perfect..I may be the worst.

The truth does hurt..but what can we do.. it is what it is.

Isn't it.

I feel like my faith.. and believes are playing with me.

Lord I don't know how to seek you.

I don't know where to start.

Should I start where I left.

But what if the part that I left.. is cover with dust.

Lord will you still, accept the dirt.

I was told that... you are the lord of neatness.

But am I neat.

I doubt that.

Lord to be honest.. I really dont know where to start.

2020, 2021, 2022, 2023, 2024, all those years, I have been the shadow of myself.

And am not proud of it .

Lord even today it is happening.

The bad thoughts are coming.

I don't want to deal with them.

Am scared to speak.

What will I say.

Where will I start.

Which words.. will I form.

I am trying.

But is it good enough.

Idk.

Lord can you hear me.

Please help me.

Am starting now.

I put away tiktok, that I know it taken majority of my time.

I will put away anything.

Now am facing you.

Let's have a father to daughter talk.

Let's check life.

Cause am not ok.

I don't know.. what I am anymore.

I dont know what am doing,

Who am I pleasing.

You, me, or the world.

What am I looking in to.

Lord please can you hear me.

You know that I have so much questions to ask you.

Both Raw and pure.

But will you answer me.

Or am I just going to make a full of myself as always.

Is it a coincidence that my name means peace, wholesome, joy.

But why can't I experience those.

Am I a coincidence too.

What is it...

Am tired Lord.

Tears comes every day.

But it only falls, when the heart..cannot hold it anymore.

Lord I cannot hold it.

It is getting to it's point.

We need to talk Lord.

One on one.

Yes you always send the angels first.

But this time..it's a daughter calling.. and longing for her father's vioce.

Lord speak to me.

Am I not worthy enough to hear your vioce.

Have I sin and pass your limit.

That you decided not to speake to me.

Ok...am sorry, am so sorry.

Am tired, of this feeling.

The feeling where am to Impress everyone around me.

I hardly think, if I have ever Impress you before.

Lord please speak to me.

At least, show me a sign.

Or miracle.

Maybe a wishing star.

Maybe make the sky open, wider when I walk.

I want to see it.

I have heard people, say that they heard you call them....in their dreams.

And I know, some of them never called you.

But here I am calling, and telling you that I am tired.

And I want to see the one....who call himself my father.

Is my call to hight to reach you.

Please pick up.

Am tired of being, in this same parking lot...I need a car so I can move.

Lord please pick me up.

Am waiting.