Chapter 1 - Bonfire
It was the summer of 2005 when he first laid his eyes on me.
We were at the beach, where the night was thick with heat and smoke, and a massive bonfire burned against the dark.
You could hear the music somewhere behind us, you hear the laughter around us and the crashing of the waves. I remember the way the fire cracked and spat and sending sparks into the sky.
That’s when I saw him. He stood on the opposite side of the fire beyond the flames he was half hidden by smoke and the shadow of others. There was a moment the sparks illuminated his face and that is when our eyes met and my heart fell to the floor and my chest tightened. Not cause of fear but awareness like the feeling when you talk loudly at a party about something embarrassing and just at the right time the music stops and you feel everyone heard it.
We did not speak a word but shared a glance at each other and I thought that would be it.
But he didn’t disappear after that night.
I began seeing him everywhere. Outside my work, lingering across the street as I buy my coffee. Later, I found him in photographs - pictures taken with friends in the club , at the beach or even just out with coffee dates with the girlfriends. He was always in the background. He was always watching.
That’s when I understood it wasn’t coincidence.
This man was following me , it felt like he was hunting me , studying me.
I felt unsettled but yet safe. Everywhere I went felt exposed and I was suspicious of every reflection. I could feel his eyes in me even when I could not see him. I started to sleep with my lights on and listening to footsteps outside in the hallway as I stay in a shared apartment building. I kept telling myself I am paranoid until the proof kept showing up.
And then, one day, he stopped. It is like he disappeared. I haven't seen him hiding in shadows watching me. The "accidental" appearances stopped. It is like he finished out of thin air. I didn't think it would have an effect on me but the silence became unbearable. I told myself I am crazy for actually missing him. He once slipped me a note under my coffee cup as I was waiting for it, the noted said " I know you enjoy me watching you" and instead of calling the police I smiled and sided the note in my purse and now that is all that I have left of him.
I waited for this feeling to pass the days turned into weeks and I kept searching for him everywhere I went. Searching for him through the crowds , checking corners , checking reflections in windows but he was really gone.
I asked myself where did he go? Why did he stop? Did I do something wrong?
Was I not interesting anymore? Had I bored him? I was probably crazy for thinking about him , about these questions. The questions started eating me from the inside out and my fear turned into something else.
It turned into obsession, a need , a loss.
