Vices

"It was the title that hooked me, I like it! It’s a story with a well-worked out plot with mystery and vices (sex and drugs) at its heart. One thing I would advice the author to change is the conversations. They are, in my opinion, too dense. The reader doesn’t get a chance to breathe. It is conventional for writers to use small descriptions (“He smiled at her comment”) or thoughts (“This was not the response he had expected”) to make the conversations more lively. Of course it can be possible to leave this out, but then the conversations need to be very to the point and dramatic. In this story they are used practically, so that’s why I give this advice. But there’s been an obvious investment of work into this story and I encourage the writer to continue!"