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What is your opinion?
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I can see that you have only started...
"I believe that there is a great possibility for this to become a fantastic story. You start off dynamically, which I love. However, I would suggest that you pay attention to linking your events a bit better. What I have read so far has caught my attention, but I also felt that you were jumping from event to event and place to place, even though you did not move anywhere. It was a bit difficult for me to grasp it all and to understand everything you have tried to tell. My suggestion is – do not rush it and be as clear as possible, because readers appreciate it. Don’t be afraid to add more description – a good description is never too much."
